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Nightmare Ex
Hi all,

My name is Kieran and I am brand new to this group Smile

I have moved to London from Cape Town nearly 2 years ago and have been divorced from my Ex for just over 2 years now. I wont go into the details of what happened as it will be an essay rather than a chat forum post but there was child abduction, drug use and multiple affairs on her part just prior to our split.

I moved here so that I could be close to our now 3 year old Son as he is the most important person in my life and I could not imagine being away from him or him growing up with out his dad in his "day to day" life.

My Ex has a long history of co-dependency, drug use, and is in general a bit of a tart to say the least. She is however very likeable and people think she is hilarious and charming but what lies beneath is something very different.

She has constantly tried to keep our son from me during our divorce and afterwards (including during her current 3 week holiday to California where i have spoken to my son for 3 minutes when her boyfriend went out to get takeaways, even though it was agreed that she would call twice per week.) , she has tried to make my life a misery since I moved here but I have just put my head down and stuck to the court order to every point. She on the other hand has basically broken every point (including mandated contact between me and our Son) at least once. Our Son is with me every Wednesday evening, every other weekend, 21 days over every alternate Easter and Every alternate Christmas, also on my birthday.

She is now wanting to relocate with our Son to the USA (California where the latest boyfriend lives) - It is also the only country which I can not get to due to me overstaying my visa 8 years ago.

I was just wondering if anyone has gone through anything similar and could offer any advice.

Kind regards,

who you have parental responsibilities
(03-21-2017, 05:17 PM)cornishguy91 Wrote: who you have parental responsibilities

We both have full parental rights and responsibilities. My name is on his Birth Certificate and a court order which details my access.

I would like to apply for more (shared) access and she will be applying to relocate with our son.


I believe shared residency would be best but we fight like cats and dogs!
if shes applying to relocate with your son

why not send in a prohibited steps order just so that you can explain that you are not allowed in that country

and if she is granted the move it will seriously hinder your daughters relationship with you

Thanks for your response.

I told her that I have applied for a C79 (enforcement of a child arraignments order) prior to her telling me she is going on holiday. I then contacted the courts and explained that she will be on holiday with our son for 3 weeks and that I would serve the papers on her upon her return.

Since then it has become apparent that she is wanting to relocate.

She will obviously have to go through the appropriate channels and I intend to contest this as I don't believe it would be in our sons best interests?


My main issue is that I have exhausted my funds (50k) in legal costs for the original child abduction and divorce proceedings so I will be representing my self and most probably against her QC barrister!


I have evidence that she is still using drugs and that the new boyfriend is abusive and very controlling (hence the no contact during her current holiday) but the source of this evidence is somewhat questionable.

if she is doing drugs and you can prove it and her new boyfriend is violent

why not apply for a residency order

and if you can prove both of them you might have a good case
(03-21-2017, 05:58 PM)cornishguy91 Wrote: if she is doing drugs and you can prove it and her new boyfriend is violent

why not apply for a residency order

and if you can prove both of them you might have a good case

As I said the source of the drug use evidence is questionably obtained. She has told me that the boyfriend is extremely jealous and has been very mean to her after she confided in me when she stayed the weekend at my flat after she thought she had fell pregnant with his child (she aborted) but was actually her tennis coaches. I read her emails.

She has failed to keep me in contact with our son as agreed during her holiday because of the jealous ex boyfriend and i fear that if she was to get permission to relocate with our son then the both of them would further try to minimise my contact and alienate me from our son.
the courts always look at the childs best interest

so you need to make it look like you are your childs best interest
I think if I told the boyfriend that it was not his child as she has told him but actually her tennis coaches he would leave her and the problem would go away. What do you think of this approach?


I know that is what the courts would do but it is a question if they would hear this evidence given its "illegally" obtained nature.

I think I am defiantly the more stable and responsible parent but the courts favour the mothers. Also I would like her to get help so that our son has regular access to 2 solid parents in his life.
you also need to be very cautious

he might see this as causing trouble and then he might put your son at risk

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