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Help Please
#1
Hi, I apologise in advance for the length and probable confusion of the following post....

I have been with my Wife for 16 years (2001), since we both left High School and we got married in 2014. There had been many times during our relationship that I felt unhappy and after we got married, these feelings got a bit worse. I constantly imagined what life would be like without her and with someone else.

I met someone who I'd employed at work and we just clicked, we got on really well and she was so easy to talk to. After a few weeks my feelings for her intensified and I knew she felt the same, she knew I was married but we agreed that nothing would happen.

Things had gotten a bit rocky with my wife and in April last year, she told me she was pregnant. She'd had a miscarriage the October before which devastated us but I wasn't happy at all when she told me she was pregnant again, this showed and we started arguing again. I told her that I wasn't happy in our relationship and her being pregnant now confused me even more. She told me that if I didn't want to be with her then I needed to tell her as she didn't want to raise a baby on her own.

After much thought I decided to leave in April, she was 5 weeks pregnant. I stayed in a mate's house for a week and found a flat to move in to. It was a difficult decision, I'd been working on the house for almost 3 yearsr and hadn't finished the conversion and left her deal with it (I know what a **** that makes me sound like but I took the debt for the conversion too).

After a couple of weeks the other girl and I started going on dates, etc. My ex found out and went nuts, slating us on social media, etc

So my ex and I stopped talking, she was keeping the baby and I started divorce proceedings. The new girl and I got on like a house on fire and I kind of buried my head a bit and stayed away from my ex and her dealings.

Her parents had a bit of money and helped her finish the house, we'd gone through mediation and agreed on a small amount of money for her to buy me out of my share of the house (much less than it was worth) and I'd agreed to take the debt with me to help out. I was on decent money and could afford it at the time, little did I know after we'd agreed everything that there was a mix up with my wages and I ended up being £500 worse off. I started living on credit cards, etc whilst waiting for the money to come off my ex (I'm still waiting..)

The baby was born in December and I started seeing her twice a week, I'm completely infatuated with her and wanted to spend as much time with her as I could. The new girl and I had just moved into a new rental and things started to get difficult. She was sstruggling to cope with the fact that I had to go to me ex's house to see the baby, my ex adamant that my gf wouldn't be allowed anywhere near my daughter.

I never applied for the decree absolute as I knew that was 'the end' of my ex. We started getting on really well whilst with the baby and she told me she wants me back. My gf and I finished a couple fo weeks ago but she still lives in the same house as she moved 60 miles away from her family and got a different job recently to try and cope.

After all of this I have serious money issues (about to go into a dmp and both women know) and I still love my ex and the baby. I'm in love with my gf and can't imagine life without any of them but I know I have to choose. I have a very demanding job, which my ex still blames for us separating for, she says that I always put work before her because I'd still answer emails, etc at home (she's a solicitor but never took work home with her).

I'm going to see a therapist in a couple of weeks but I'm now in a position where my ex is putting pressure on me to get back with her and my ex/gf still lives with me and we still get on really well. We both love each other but agreed to seperate becuase we didn't believe we could be as happy together as we were before my daughter was born.

Sorry for the really long post, I'm pretty sure it's confusing and I know I've probably left more detail out...
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#2
Maybe some time on your own and contact with your daughter is what you need, no point involving a third person that may or not be around whilst your daughter is growing. I can understand why your wife doesn't want her involved as your confusion is probably coming across to her also
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#3
Thanks for the reply. I know where you're coming from and have actually thought the same to be honest. It just so complicated now, I know it's down to the decisions that I have made but it doesn't make it any easier to know what the best thing to do is.
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