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#1
Hi,

My court date has recently come in and my ex has recently upped the amount of abuse, vitriol and threats of accusations as we approach it.

I'm finding it hard not to snap and react and I've bitten one or two times. I don't want to blow my entire case by reacting and throwing an off hand comment at her that she'll try and use against me in court.

How do you dads deal with this? How do you fight the urge to react?
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#2
Find a friend... a good one and let it all loose over a beer in the corner of a pub

NEVER be tempted to blow a fuse in front of her - your motivation is your kids

When she tries to bait you (and that is what it is) then do these things:
Sarcastically say " Interesting" in your head, or out loud is OK
Smile a lot
Think " Normal for Wendy (or whatever her name is)" when she's talking
You'll end up smiling when you do this anyway
Amazingly ... and not many people know this so keep it a secret ;-).... "silence is a powerful use of the English language".... say nothing, if its not about the kids, you don't need to respond at all

Lastly, DO NOT tell her she is being abusive or vitriolic or threatening.... you want her to be exactly like that in court... judges love it ;-)
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#3
(03-23-2017, 09:07 AM)LTCDAD Wrote: Find a friend... a good one and let it all loose over a beer in the corner of a pub

NEVER be tempted to blow a fuse in front of her - your motivation is your kids

When she tries to bait you (and that is what it is) then do these things:
Sarcastically say " Interesting" in your head, or out loud is OK
Smile a lot
Think " Normal for Wendy (or whatever her name is)" when she's talking
You'll end up smiling when you do this anyway
Amazingly ... and not many people know this so keep it a secret ;-).... "silence is a powerful use of the English language".... say nothing, if its not about the kids, you don't need to respond at all

Lastly, DO NOT tell her she is being abusive or vitriolic or threatening.... you want her to be exactly like that in court... judges love it ;-)

Thanks for the tips, mate.

I confess that I fall into the trap of telling her she's being abusive or threatening. That's a weakness. Thing is, she can't help herself so repeatedly does it. I'll learn to bite my tongue from now on and let her trip herself up in court.
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#4
^^^^^^ What he said :-)

Silence is a powerful thing, it's also infuriating and by saying nothing you are making her mad! Hopefully in Court she will show her true colours. All you need to be is polite and reasonable and hopefully in Court the Judge will see what is going on. In my case the Judge pointed out how reasonable I was and asked the Council what there problem was with reasonable! He even apologised when I was talked over. Make sure you are heard in Court though, I'm not saying be weak, be strong, assertive but reasonable................ big difference - good luck.

p.s Dont think it's easy though as the first few times in Court I was proper shafted.......... get all the info you need on here first, its a great site with some good people, I certainly wish I had found it before my barrel load of shite hit me - but its a learning curve I guess and now I remember to smile and breathe and count sheep - backwards (takes more concentration to do)
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#5
Me too ... but that one is solved with this phrase

"you have the right to choose how you speak to me and i have the right to choose how i speak to you"

Then walk away... abusive and threatening conversations needs someone to be aimed at... she'll be throwing stones at the moon, by the time you get to your car ;-)
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#6
Yeah, I'm prepared for court, prepared for the CAFCASS call and ready for the long haul.

It's just learning not to bite when she throws her drivel at me. I think just shutting my gob and walking off/hanging up will do the trick.
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#7
In my 1st court hearing (we have a live on going case) my ex told the judge I constantly slammed the phone down on her.... my solicitor whispered "yep, i'd do the same" :-)

Thing with iPhones is you can't aggressively slam it down anymore.... i have to gently press the touch sensitive red button to bring the call to an end ;-)
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#8
(03-23-2017, 10:28 AM)LTCDAD Wrote: In my 1st court hearing (we have a live on going case) my ex told the judge I constantly slammed the phone down on her.... my solicitor whispered "yep, i'd do the same" :-)

Thing with iPhones is you can't aggressively slam it down anymore.... i have to gently press the touch sensitive red button to bring the call to an end ;-)

Hahaha!

My ex is coming up with the same rubbish. I 'look at her funny'; 'it's not what you said it's the way that you said it'; I'm aggressive because I disagree with something she's said despite speaking to her in a deliberately monotone voice. Whatever I do or say she twists to something entirely different so I best just aggressively hang up by gently pressing the touch sensitive red button to bring the call to an end.
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