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Proving false allegations or staying child focused?
#11
Hi,

Similar thing happened to me, I rang cafcass and they said if i had an issues to bring it up at the next court hearing.

I wrote an email to the court asking for it to be seen by the judge before the hearing and also passed copies to the usher for my ex and the judge.

At least he knew what I wanted to say before we even sat down.

I also got pressured by family - but i stayed calm and denied everything amicably. If you start screaming and shouting like they want you to you are just showing the judge a bad side to you and giving your ex ammunition.
Keep doing what you are doing, end of the day its your life to live and not your parents and you have to suffer any bad choices.
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#12
(06-19-2017, 03:50 PM)RD01 Wrote: Hi,

Similar thing happened to me, I rang cafcass and they said if i had an issues to bring it up at the next court hearing.

I wrote an email to the court asking for it to be seen by the judge before the hearing and also passed copies to the usher for my ex and the judge.

At least he knew what I wanted to say before we even sat down.

I also got pressured by family - but i stayed calm and denied everything amicably. If you start screaming and shouting like they want you to you are just showing the judge a bad side to you and giving your ex ammunition.
Keep doing what you are doing, end of the day its your life to live and not your parents and you have to suffer any bad choices.

Hi Everyone. Similar vein, but much more sinister on her part. My ex cheated on me. My 'daughter' was born, now 11, and later my Son (now 9). She cheated on me with her ex-husband, whom she is now back with for the 2nd time since my daughter was born), and who happens to be my 'daughters' biological Father. He hates me (naturally, for getting with his wife in first place) and so, now HE has the Kids, one 'biologically' his (but in whom, he's not overly interested anyway)  and the other MY Son. She has 2 older kids, boy aged 20 and girl 18. The 'Boy' (man actually) attacked me, i called the Police, they lied, and as I had just stepped out of a Car, had defended myself with my Car keys. Upshot, Police charged me with assault based on their combined say so, and the fact that I had hit him with my Car keys in defence. Her Police statement (like his) littered with lies, further accusations of domestic violence, drug taking, basically whatever it took. Police didn't even try to see the obvious holes, but fortunately courts did, but only after 5 months of Hell. She told Social Services (via a DV Charity) to get involved, and said I had 'stabbed her son in full view of the younger ones'. Under a Data subject request, this is consistently repeated in their notes, despite it being self defence and me being cleared. Same trial, she was refused a restraining order, so 1 week later (more lies, and even quite a lot of contradiction in her affadavit versus her Police statement) got a non-molestation order. Social services were appalling, and wouldn't/couldn't produce any report (they said I needed) to get into court. That Social worker got fired after 5 months of me dealing with them and remaining fairly calm. They did produce some kind of report then, but lied, saying they were going to do 'another one'. I later found out via Data subject. Took them another FOUR months to produce their report, during which times she pulled out of 3 planned meetings wit my Son, and they just accepted that, and accepted my ex, getting back with her ex, AGAIN, and dragging my kids to and fro, describing them as a 'nice family unit' (for how long I asked them ?). Me, well, after 10 months of trying to deal with them, get a report (any report, good or bad) just to get into court, I completely lost it with Social Services, so that when they finally completed it, and despite not having seen my kids for nearly a year, and them firing their own social worker, and her living with a Man who NO doubt HATES my son, then I was the bad guy, a Man with a real temper, and "an emotional harm danger" to my kids (meaning I would possibly inconvenience the new relationship and unit, if I bothered to even want access to my kids I imagine !!). Off to court, more accusations of DV, Scott Schedule and fact find hearing ordered. Her side, 6 weeks to do it, didn't do anything on time, I complained to court, who ignored me (having run out of cash, I was now representing myself). Came to the 'Hearing' her side stood up and said they weren't ready, and Magistrate grants a further 2+ months until "they are organised". That will be 15 months by that point, and thats just to even test her lying evidence, and test it I must, because otherwise, whats the point. Me, I was denied witnesses, I was denied being able to make my own accusations, I am even denied being able to cross examine them, and have to give advance list of questions. So, despite being cleared already, I stand trial again, and her lying family can crack on, because there is no one able to 'test their evidence' now, except the Magistrate who thinks its ok to 'simply adjourn for 2+ months, and "reward their side" for ignoring the earlier court ordered dates by which accusations even, had to filed. I went to see my MP yesterday. Useless. Not even Social Services having lied to me was of interest to her. Womans rights, Domestic Violence Bills going through Parliament when nothing else is. What about just a teeny weeny right given to me. Nothing Major, just let me TEST her evidence, and before my kids are 18 please !!!! I live in Cheshire, so anyone knows a very adversarial Barrister, please message me. The time for being child focused is most certainly later, once I've proven to the Judge that she's a lyin' cheating' manipulator, and has already damaged my children such that they don't want to see me apparently. How she's achieved that I don't know, because we were sooo close, so Fair play to her, she's very good, and very, very believable. Still, as a qualified Barrister, and loads of time on her hands, her audit trail and influence on the kids, is something she has the time and expertise to perfect since that sad day 13 months ago, when I was assaulted by hers !!!!
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#13
Hi All
Here is my story
Domestic violence every 2nd year in June (odd)
Thread to kill this year + non molestation order
Without solicitor! Womens make life fun!
I don't saw my kids 3yr daughter 1yr son since june but my ex bought for herself a 6000£ Ford kuga....do you think kids is first at her?

Here is a free aid family solicitor letter

Dear T.

It was a pleasure to meet you yesterday when we discussed the problems you are having in relation to contact with your two children, M. and O. In summary, you told me as follows:-

1. As a result of allegations against you by your former partner E., you were arrested for "threats to kill". You deny her allegations and have proof that you didn't make those threats or harm her. So far, no further action has been taken and you are currently waiting to hear back from the Police once they have finalised their enquiries. You told me E. had made similar allegations against you in 2015 which were dropped on the basis of no evidence.

2. E. was in possession of the children's Passports and you feared she might attempt to remove them from the country, so you had issued an urgent C100 Application through the County Court. The Judge had confirmed you have Parental Responsibility for the children and, as such, to remove them without your permission would be a criminal offence. A Hearing date had been fixed to review matters further.

3. On the same day E. had issued and obtained an emergency Non-Molestation Order against you, preventing you from coming within 300 metres of your former home, threatening or using violence against her or communicating with her in any way. This meant all your communication had to be via a third party. You told me that after the making of that Order, E. came to visit you at your home, which seems very surprising in the circumstances.

Your main priority was to secure contact with your children as soon as possible, as you had not seen them for well over a month now. E. would only consider contact, supervised by a Contact Centre, but these were in E. or A. and had very long waiting lists. Additionally there was a fee of £75.00 to pay and, as you were not earning any money (having lost income from your joint business as a result of the recent events) you were unable to afford this. I therefore suggested:-

1. You ask your cousin or a friend if they would be prepared to assist in supervising two or three short contact visits per week and then put forward a proposal (preferably by e-mail or letter) through the third party, which gives specific details i.e. the cousin or friend's name, address and contact details, dates, times and activities etc. If E. refuses this suggestion you can at least show the Court what steps you have taken to try to facilitate contact.

2. I initially advised that you may have to seek leave to amend the C100 Form you submitted to the Court as you said you had only applied on the basis of E. retaining the children's Passports. However on reviewing the papers more closely, it seems you have inadvertently included a Contact Application because you have ticked "Child Arrangements Order" and made reference to a Contact Order on the form. In fact, you should have ticked Prohibited Steps Order in relation to the passports/leaving the country issues, but the Judge seems prepared to consider that too, so I don't think you will have a problem in raising all issues at the Hearing.

As you have already made good progress on your own, I suggested you attend the Hearing and make representations as you have done to me about how important contact is for the children and how you have a close bond with them and it is vital that they continue to see you regularly. You should show the Judge print-outs of any e-mail correspondence between you and E. representative, to demonstrate the attempts you have made to keep in touch with your children.

3. Unless the criminal matters are resolved prior to the Non Molestation Hearing I felt you had little option but to agree to the terms E. was suggesting. I note that her Application suggested you could contact her in relation to child contact matters, but the Order made prevents you from all communications. You may, therefore, wish to take issue with that point, in the children's best interests. Of course, if you resolve the criminal matter beforehand, then you can seek to argue that a Non Molestation Order is unnecessary in the circumstances


********************
I have removed your name, name of your ex partner, name of your children, place of court, date of hearings and events and your former address.

Please make yourself familiar with the rules with regards to such sensitive information before you post again!

Thank you.
Frisbos
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#14
Hi,

I have removed your name, name of your ex partner, name of your children, place of court, date of hearings and events and your former Home address.

Please make yourself familiar with the forum rules with regards to such sensitive information before you post again!

Do you have a specific question or need advise?

Thank you.

F.
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#15
I have been separated for over a year now and I have gone through hell with my ex. I have been so in the dark about this character that she fermented lies upon lies coated by this many deceptions. A few days ago I found a letter from an woman's support organization she was attending since 2013 with domestic violence allegations against me, I can only imagine the demonic lengths she has gone to to accuse me of everything but murder. The letter reads that they have been giving support to her since 2013 and they have advised her to seek help from other twisted organizations like there's. I started to wonder what I was up to in 2013! and looked at family events for that year to find that we went away on 3 lavish holidays in that year and wondered when exactly did this alleged domestic violence take place. Looking back in 2016 she went to the court and got an occupation order and a non molestation order without my knowledge and can only surmise that its business as usual for her, while I am completely consumed with family life and activities she is plotting my destruction and putting things in place I guess for her to have the children and control of all our assets.
While I have not gone to court to fight for access for the kids that she has done her absolute best to turn against me, she decided to give them up to me so she can live it up with one of the men she was having an affair with when we were together. Our kids don't see her and she also pays maintenance which has caused her to make up new lies she has taken to the authorities. Now to get a hansom part of my assets, that she has smashed and grabbed.
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#16
She isn’t really doing herself any favours because if you were really so bad why did she abandon her kids to you? Contradictory!
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#17
I was accused of being drug and alcohol dependent and even though I'm an Electrician and I work on the National Grid and have bundles of negative tests the Judge still made me pay and have a hair follicle test - obviously it was negative but if I knew then what I know now I would have played it differently. In my last case after proving I was totally clean I provided the Judge with loads of information including the string of text messages from my ex stating they were going to say I was this and that. The Judge was fuming - I should have done this at the start but was advised not to! As long as your info is sent to both sides I realised you can do what you want. I gave the Judge 2 weeks to look at my bundle and my ex's solicitor 2 days - I won ;-)
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#18
Proving false allegations or staying child focused?

Being child focused is the key. however highlighting Domestic Violence to the magistrates through out the hearings via position statements and oral should be considered.
I am a father who was subject to DV and ended my relationship and has the ex removed by police and I remained the primary carer of my son.

An eye opener

1) being a male subject to DV is not seen as the same as a female reporting DV. its not considered serious.
2) Having factual evidence to the magistrates from professional ie Police , health records is not likely taken seriously of even noted.
3)proving False allegations from the other party. key note is keep recording of everything. However in my case got brushed under the carpet. fact based recording of abuse on tape verbal , threatening got brushed under the carpet.
4) beware of cafcass!!!!!! given I am the victim and primary carer of my son . The tables are always turned in the cafcass report. I say this because all the fact based info that was presented to Cafcass Police logs and health records, They were not mentioned in the report or any concerns around DV. The report was so poorly written that it highlighted more on mothers view and needs?
recommending 4 night with the mother each week???
so a word of advice, Record the interviews. whether its legal or not.
5) You will always be shot down in court if you try to highlight the factual based info around DV , They assume that Men are always the perpetrators.
6) once again stay child focused throughout the proceedings.Remember the courts record the hearings.So stay child focused. dont get in to he said she said. be focused ie . I believe such behaviors being displayed is having a emotional impact on your children ie children witnessing abuse, disruptive contact handovers because.....etc
having said this my views was dismissed.

So being the resident parent for a year and my sons primary carer since his birth 4 year ago and subject to DV especially my son being directly involved my final contested hearing was a shamble.
There was no fact finding , no contested hearing , no court order order read out in court or given a copy of the order but assuming 2 nights that was agreed for my ex to have overnights each week opposed to my previous request of every other weekend was being honored.

He was was on the order i Reveiced from the courts

week 1- Mom 4 nights
week 2- mom 3 nights
shared care.
holidays ok to go over seas

what was my concerns n views
1)ex in refuge and not stable housing
2)I am primary carer and resident parent since birth ,mother abandon the relationship and went back to asia to live when our son was 10 months old and later returned 4 months later to reconcile/ concern with her mental health, her parenting skills(requested parenting programme for ex but dismissed, etc
3)No overseas travel , given Threats to abduct, there have been 2 previous attempt to remove our son physically from my care. Police called.
4)appropriate safeguarding check at the refuge, is it a dry refuge, who are the residents ? are they safe to be around children??
5) ex to attend a domestic violence programme. Dismissed

So now im having to make an application N161 to take it back to court because of the totally bulls up made by the magistrates, I have now sought help via legal ,I would say a very good Known barrister and a solicitor on board. I had done all the leg work before as I am well known to the procedures working in the Statutory setting children families child for over 20 years.

I know most fathers do not have their children living with them and you are the ones fighting to have them in your lifes.
But the system is some what Bias. Its like its ok to place children with the abusive mother. but not ok when its the father if he is abusive,

I will keep you updated as this this whole mess.Hoping that my appeal gets seen to by a Judge and that it gets sorted. i will opting for my initial contact position for my sons mother ,every other weekend overnight contact.

I always believe in a child should see the other parent as long as its safe to do so.
It I image all of you are honorable fathers with have a soft spot of compassion for the other parent. Do not let that get in the was as it did for me.

Stay firm and stick to what you want. Its not about how you may hurt the ex if you wont let the children see them every day. Its about how your children routines and emotional wellbeing ,stability will be affected.

Good luck ,, Its a fighting battle if you dont wear a dress in the court room.

Ash


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