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Advice please
#1
I have recently separated and my ex has become very awkard I have a step daughter who is 14 and my daughter that I have with her. My stepdaughter has separation issues with her mother and won't stay away for more than 1 night however our youngest loves being with me. My ex will not let me see or have our daughter wihout Mr having the stepdaughter can she do this

(04-03-2017, 05:21 PM)Chris Jackson Wrote: I have recently separated and my ex has become very awkard I have a step daughter who is 14 and my daughter that I have with her. My stepdaughter has separation issues with her mother and won't stay away for more than 1 night however our youngest loves being with me. My ex will not let me see or have our daughter wihout Mr having the stepdaughter can she do this
Forgot to say our dughter is 6
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#2
Hi Chris

Not sure but my gut says probably not... your daughter has a right to a quality relationship with her dad... sounds like the ex is pulling a fast one

What is your legal status over the step daughter - step dad or have you adopted her??? Is her dad still on the scene?

I guess you want to remain in both their lives but if the step daughter has specific issues that should not detract from a quality relationship between you and your daughter
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#3
No her dad isn't on the scene. I'm her stepdad not adopted her
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#4
By separation issues - i assume you mean something serious - she won't leave the mother - its a 'real' issue not a teenage strop?

If i was you - i'd focus on the 6 year old immediately (there is no need for her to suffer) and work towards a solution on the 14 year old over the next few months

Maybe another member has experience with 3 way families and can offer better advice - i hope so
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#5
But the ex won't let me have or see my little one without the elder one
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#6
The kid has a right to quality relationship with her father... Your ex cannot deny you access to your kid without a court order

You need to start mediation, and aim for a solution... maybe you propose to take them both one night at a time and build up but if your ex put conditions in place and still refuses you apply to court... while you want to have a relationship with both kids, your biological daughter is not being allowed to have quality time (a weekend) due to the ex's conditions ... and basically she can't do that

Talk to her... sounds complicated...maybe she's worried that you will choose the younger over the older kid...maybe shes worried that the elder daughter will be without a father figure again.... maybe its a massive compliment but its coming across in a restrictive way... reassure her that's not your intention to split them up but your younger daughter has rights to quality spend time with her dad i.e. a weekend away and if the 14 year old can't cope then it should not impact in the 6 year old
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#7
I was supposed to have them both this week booked it off and sorted out my caravan which is on a seasonal pitch as I'm living partly in my caravan and at my parents when I am working . The elder one threw a hissy fit on Sunday so she demanded that both kids were to go home to her the youngest didn't want to go and wanted to stay with daddy aa she's a daddy's girl I read to her at night bedtime stories etc which she loves I put my foot down and she stayed but it has caused major arguments because of this
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#8
Chris,
There is no court order - you have exactly the same rights at the mother (over the youngest) ... and you still will even if you have a court order - you and mum are both great parents eh?
The holiday was planned - your ex has agreed to it
Part way through the eldest became 'sick' - stomach bug for example (but anxiety in your case)
You took her home to a responsible carer (her mother)
Dad and 6 year old returned to holiday

You've done nothing wrong
It will cause arguments ... and i recommend you start mediation soon to thrash out the issues

I reckon it takes most of us 1 year to get all the issues solved ... you need to go through one round of summer holidays, Xmas, Easter, birthdays.... before you understand how it is going to work and each of those is a mountain to climb
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