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Keeping Calm
#1
Me and my ex split just after my soon-to-be two year old was born.

We have had issues, many of which she simply threatens me with court action if I don't give her what she wants.

With this constant threat of court in the background and persistent letters recently from her solicitor, I am finding it more and more difficult to remain calm and collected when I pick my son up - This isn't helped as she acts as if nothing is going on, but it is really bothering me and I am finding this ever so hard to deal with.

Any "coping strategies" that other dads can offer me would be very much appreciated!

Levi
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#2
Hi Levi

Depends what she threatens you with... if its CMS payments... you know what you got to pay so pay that
If its access.. then the law is on your side
If its something else ... then is it fair? I'd take my chances in court ... would it be worse for you?

Remember her solicitor is only sending you letters containing what she is telling him to send...

As for staying calm ... inside your head (with sarcasm) repeat "How interesting!" every time she speaks
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#3
Hi,

If the threats have come to an level impacting your life and health apply to court in return for a section 91.14 order to be made.

Usually such orders can stay in place for up to 1 year and your ex must ask the court for permission before applying anything apart from enforcement orders.

F.
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#4
(04-12-2017, 06:23 PM)Frisbos Wrote: Hi,

If the threats have come to an level impacting your life and health apply to court in return for a section 91.14 order to be made.

Usually such orders can stay in place for up to 1 year and your ex must ask the court for permission before applying anything apart from enforcement orders.

F.
Hi Frisbos
Sorry for jumping in on this thread but can you tell me if you already have a court order and you are sticking to it but receive letters given to you from the  child via the Mother, which obviously leaves you fuming at every contact, can the same order 91.14 be used for this or is this something else as I find it a constant form of harassment.
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#5
Hi,

A section 91.14 order stops a party making uncontrolled applications to the court. If you have such order in your favour the other party must ask the court for permission before making another application. Applications for enforcement are not covered by a 91.14 section order.

Those orders make sense if a party makes applications ongoing or threatens to make court applications.

It is a meaning of controlling someone's action through the courts.

In your case this is not very useful and I would suggest refusing to take the letters or just to ignore them and ask mum to email relevant things only into a separate email account which you will only access 1-2 times per week.

F.
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#6
(04-13-2017, 10:22 PM)Frisbos Wrote: Hi,

A section 91.14 order stops a party making uncontrolled applications to the court. If you have such order in your favour the other party must ask the court for permission before making another application. Applications for enforcement are not covered by a 91.14 section order.

Those orders make sense if a party makes applications ongoing or threatens to make court applications.

It is a meaning of controlling someone's action through the courts.

In your case this is not very useful and I would suggest refusing to take the letters or just to ignore them and ask mum to email relevant things only into a separate email account which you will only access 1-2 times per week.

F.
Thank you Frisbos for clarifying that
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#7
(04-15-2017, 06:53 AM)Patrick C Wrote:
(04-13-2017, 10:22 PM)Frisbos Wrote: Hi,

A section 91.14 order stops a party making uncontrolled applications to the court. If you have such order in your favour the other party must ask the court for permission before making another application. Applications for enforcement are not covered by a 91.14 section order.

Those orders make sense if a party makes applications ongoing or threatens to make court applications.

It is a meaning of controlling someone's action through the courts.

In your case this is not very useful and I would suggest refusing to take the letters or just to ignore them and ask mum to email relevant things only into a separate email account which you will only access 1-2 times per week.

F.
Thank you Frisbos for clarifying that

I need to pick up on something on this thread.

If you refuse a letter, it is still considered as Served on your, as you had the chance to view it.

If you give your ex an email address for her to use on comunication, you are accepting service of douocments on it. Therefore they are considered in law as served, regardless of if you do not open the email or not.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#8
Hi,

I made the suggestion to help the user to control the flow of information from the mother as this is seen at a level of harassment.

It is in my view not in the interest of a child to use it to communicate any parental matters either directly (a la tell your dad/mum...) or by simply carrying a letter.

Mum should either use the Postal Service or communicate via Email.

I think when it is at an level as the user describes it a good practise to ask for other means of communication. Hence I suggested a separate email account which he then can control to access.

Matters of urgency should always been discussed directly between parents and need to be excluded from the above.

F.
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#9
(04-15-2017, 07:20 AM)MarkR Wrote:
(04-15-2017, 06:53 AM)Patrick C Wrote:
(04-13-2017, 10:22 PM)Frisbos Wrote: Hi,

A section 91.14 order stops a party making uncontrolled applications to the court. If you have such order in your favour the other party must ask the court for permission before making another application. Applications for enforcement are not covered by a 91.14 section order.

Those orders make sense if a party makes applications ongoing or threatens to make court applications.

It is a meaning of controlling someone's action through the courts.

In your case this is not very useful and I would suggest refusing to take the letters or just to ignore them and ask mum to email relevant things only into a separate email account which you will only access 1-2 times per week.

F.
Thank you Frisbos for clarifying that

I need to pick up on something on this thread.

If you refuse a letter, it is still considered as Served on your, as you had the chance to view it.

If you give your ex an email address for her to use on comunication, you are accepting service of douocments on it. Therefore they are considered in law as served, regardless of if you do not open the email or not.
OK Mark yes I see what you are saying.  
The problem I am having is my ex will not communicate at all so the Judge stated we have a contact book for important things such as medicine etc as one of the reasons my ex gave as to why I could not see my children after I won access  was: one of my children suffers from headaches so she may have given her medication for this in the morning, therefore she cannot visit with me in case I do the same and overdose the child (bearing in mind the child is 14, I could always ask if she has had anything but obviously I am incapable of making sure my child is safe, in my ex's eyes) The judge thankfully saw through this ploy and said well have a contact book for occasions such as these.  This is where my problem begins as the contact book has become a way of my ex to give orders and un-neccessary controlling things such as:
It is imperative that our children have there 5 a day - please see from list below (veg etc) and tick the things they have eaten whilst visiting you putting date time etc  
Some of the stuff is so obscure I dont even think the Supermarkets sell it............... What I feel like doing is just drawing around my middle finger and saying - eat this!
But of course I'm better than that :-)

(04-15-2017, 08:12 AM)Frisbos Wrote: Hi,

I made the suggestion to help the user to control the flow of information from the mother as this is seen at a level of harassment.

It is in my view not in the interest of a child to use it to communicate any parental matters either directly (a la tell your dad/mum...) or by simply carrying a letter.

Mum should either use the Postal Service or communicate via Email.

I think when it is at an level as the user describes it a good practise to ask for other means of communication. Hence I suggested a separate email account which he then can control to access.

Matters of urgency should always been discussed directly between parents and need to be excluded from the above.

F.
Harassment is right Frisbos, its stressing me out and spoils my contact time, also the children one being 8 and 2 x 14 year olds are no doubt reading it, not good! But she does have my email address she just will not use it anyway.  The idea is to spoil my day with some of the things she writes as she likes to almost mark it like a teacher when the children come home. This is why I asked if there was some sort of order to stop the controlling behaviour and just leave us to enjoy our time.
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#10
(04-12-2017, 01:08 PM)LTCDAD Wrote: Hi Levi

Depends what she threatens you with... if its CMS payments... you know what you got to pay so pay that
If its access.. then the law is on your side
If its something else ... then is it fair? I'd take my chances in court ... would it be worse for you?

Remember her solicitor is only sending you letters containing what she is telling him to send...

As for staying calm ... inside your head (with sarcasm) repeat "How interesting!" every time she speaks

Thanks - It's not money, she sees enough of that from me.

Access mainly, I want to see my little one more, that shouldn't be down for her to decide and control. Guess I'm realising that though, and its more getting my head around it, more than anything else.

Agreed about solicitors letters, fabrication at best some of it!


I will try the "How interesting" approach, but can see this getting me into trouble! 

Thanks for the posts back fellow dads!
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