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Depression after visitation
#1
I'm the serious girlfriend of a divorced dad of one. His son is 4 years old, and his ex is definitely a difficult, toxic, narcissist. He finds her extremely difficult and I completely empathize with his situation.

However, he is always down after visiting his son. He has him twice a week for a couple of hours and every other weekend. It really seems to affect our relationship after the visit. He's depressed or agitated and I know it's because he's sad and guilty about the fact that he doesn't have his son full time or even half the time. He never really wants to talk about these bad feelings.

I don't know what to do here. I can't imagine how I'm going to deal with him being depressed after every visit. But I also have no kids, so I want to try to be understanding of his situation.

Does anyone have any advice? Thank you.
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#2
(04-17-2017, 05:20 AM)maven2017 Wrote: I'm the serious girlfriend of a divorced dad of one. His son is 4 years old, and his ex is definitely a difficult, toxic, narcissist. He finds her extremely difficult and I completely empathize with his situation.

However, he is always down after visiting his son. He has him twice a week for a couple of hours and every other weekend. It really seems to affect our relationship after the visit. He's depressed or agitated and I know it's because he's sad and guilty about the fact that he doesn't have his son full time or even half the time. He never really wants to talk about these bad feelings.

I don't know what to do here. I can't imagine how I'm going to deal with him being depressed after every visit. But I also have no kids, so I want to try to be understanding of his situation.

Does anyone have any advice? Thank you.

Hi Maven
I thought I would reply to this one as my other half was in exactly the same situation as you.  She  did all the work regarding the Court cases for me to get my access back which had been denied for no good reason, other than I eventually met someone.  The trouble was my contact stopped for nearly a year and when I was at last told I was more than capable of having my children and made that contact again, I became depressed after the visits.  
You are right in saying there is a mixture of guilt at not being with them full time and its also the things you realise you have missed out on because you are no longer there along with a bit of bitterness.  I dont know the situation with you and the Father as in, how they broke up, but in my case it was the childs Mother who wanted me gone just because she wanted to be on her own, so I felt I had been forced out of my childrens life which added to my depression.  

What my other half did was made me see sense by explaining how it affects the child if you stay with the kind of woman you describe.  She told me I was wasting my own life by sinking so deep when in fact I should be enjoying my children and my relationship etc.  At one stage I got so bad she literally unleashed verbally on me and when I realised my behaviour may result in my losing her I soon sat up and listened.  The points she made were that she did not sign up to all this however, because she loved me she would do whatever it took to help me get my rightful access to my children for there sakes and mine but, she would not then become the whipping post whenever I needed to vent as it was disrespectful and showed no appreciation for all her support.  The problem is you become so focused on your missing your children that you forget what else is important to you so we need to be reminded.  

It may help if he speaks to someone also a good friend or even a Counselling, My partner and I spoke to my Doctor and anti-depressants were prescribed which I felt I needed in fairness. 

I do hope he realises his situation and things get better for you as life does have to move on and we are stupid not to learn to embrace what we have.
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#3
Hi Patrick,

Just wanted to thank you for your reply. Your advice was helpful and I appreciate it very much!
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#4
(04-20-2017, 06:11 PM)maven2017 Wrote: Hi Patrick,

Just wanted to thank you for your reply. Your advice was helpful and I appreciate it very much!

No problem and good luck us Fathers can be very tiring at times lol
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