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Help please
#1
Hi,

Any sort of help will be appreciated.

I am at the lowest point of my life and don't have a clue what to do.

My partner left and took my daughter with her 6 weeks ago to her sisters and in that time she and her family have refused to let me see my daughter or even speak to her on the phone.

Me and my partner were looking to buy our first home near my family as that would mean we both could still work while my parents would look after our daughter.

Before Christmas last year we reached our goal of saving up for a deposit and started looking for places to buy, we could finally move out of my parents house.

We were both so happy.

During the Christmas period I even went down to her family's house to spend Christmas with them and everything was perfect my partner was even talking about inviting them round when we got our place and we even went to have a look at furniture in town.

After Christmas I came back home (london) as I had work and my partner and daughter stayed for an extra day.

The day they both came back I picked them up from the station and out of nowhere my parter tells me she is moving to Coventry near her family with my daughter and if I wanted to come I can, regardless she is moving there.

This was a big shock to me and I was very confused as we talked about staying near my parents and all of a sudden you want to move to Coventry.

The next day my partner tells my family whist I'm at work that she can't live with me anymore and that the last 5 years for her have been hell and that she's moving to Coventry with our daughter but I can come with her if I wish.

My parents asked me why I didn't want to move to Coventry with my wife and daughter and I told them that we didn't even have a chance to discuss it properly I've only just found out.

Out of nowhere my wife starts attacking me and my family. A lot was said from myself my partner and my family.

My partner decided she wants to leave and called her sister to come pick her up from Coventry and started packing her things.

Just before her family arrived my sister had called the police to keep the peace as she thought her family are coming down to cause trouble.

Her family came down picked my partner up and left.

A week later they said they coming down with the police to collect my daughters passport and all their belongings.

I said ok and packed everything and waited for them to come. When they got here they were acting like they didn't want to take anything just the passport. They left without anything.

Since then I have been getting abusive messages from her family saying everything is my fault and they wanted to talk last time they came down.

My partners family have also said if if I want to see my daughter I will need to pay back the money I owed my partner and then they will let me see my daughter or go to court.

My partner has told me through her family she doesn't want to resolve anything. Her family are saying I have humiliated them all and thrown my partner and my daughter out on the streets.

I have paid up and last Sunday I was supposed to be going down to see my daughter but they cancelled saying they had a member of their family had passed away.

I have been emailing my partner to sort out some sort of contact with my daughter but haven't had a single response.

Everyone is ignoring me.

I have got myself a solicitor and he has tried contacting them but hasn't had a single response from them.

We are in the process of sorting out mediation which I very much doubt they would turn up to

It'so coming up to 6 weeks this Saturday that I haven't seen or spoken to my daughter.

Please help. I'm at a loss
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#2
Hi,

I really feel for you but you actually have control over your situation and you are trying to sort the mess your ex left behind.

You have consulted a lawyer and you are in the process of attempting mediation.

Your ex most likely will refuse mediation which then does not delay things any further and the next step is court.

There is absolutely nothing you can do for your child other than taking good care for yourself and not to break on this at the moment.

Have you got some support from friends and family to talk and to carry you over the next couple of months?

It is hard but try not to think about this 24/7 and get some rest from all those bad things.

Try to distract and spoil yourself just a little bit.

You are just about to go into the famous tunnel and it may take a while for you to reach the other end. It is slow and frustrating but there is an end on the other side.

Keep faith!

F.
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#3
Thank you F.

I'm trying so hard to look on the bright side. The only thing keeping me going is knowing I will see my daughter one day.

I have been trying to keep myself busy one day at a time.

I have my family and friends that are helping me through this difficult time.

I have just received a message from my partners family saying to go down by myself on Sunday. Which is good news, but I feel they will come up with an excuse and cancel on me
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#4
Hi,

That is good news and I am happy for you.

Be mindful if you go alone and do not expose yourself to any allegations later on.

It is a risk you need to take as I believe it would not help if you were to suggest you bring someone else along.

If things get uncomfortable walk away.

Things may as well go to plan and I hope you will enjoy the time with your child.

F.
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#5
Hi there. Losing your child or children is the most painful thing I have ever been through. Im right at the start of it now and its awful. I miss them terribly and have come to the conclusion that I will have to go through the courts to get my access and have my rights upheld. Just DO NOT do anything rash. I have and its not done me any favours what so ever. Its not fair but its the way it is and you have to slog it out and, provided you havemt done anything drastically wrong, youll get access to your children. Ive recently seen a solicitor and laid everything on the table and left absolutely nothing out regarding my situation and she assures me that in time I can expect 50/50 custody. Dads do have rights but we have to fight for them and we cant fight for them if were doing stupid things which can be used against us. I have really learned this the hard way. Keep your head down and vent your frustration in either a diary or on a platform like this and just keep going.

Good luck.
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#6
Thank you twinsdad.

I am 100% expecting my partner and her family to be grilling me to mess up and use that against me later on.

I will be keeping calm and take everything they throw at me. I can only control what I do and not them.

I have given up hope that me and my partner will ever resolve anything and am working on bettering myself.

I don't have any anger towards any of them all I want is to be a part of my 2 year old daughters life and nothing more.
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#7
(02-08-2017, 05:42 PM)Amranali Wrote: Thank you twinsdad.

I am 100% expecting my partner and her family to be grilling me to mess up and use that against me later on.

I will be keeping calm and take everything they throw at me. I can only control what I do and not them.

I have given up hope that me and my partner will ever resolve anything and am working on bettering myself.

I don't have any anger towards any of them all I want is to be a part of my 2 year old daughters life and nothing more.



Amen to that!

Its always easy to say and usually really hard to do but just do like you say and try and be the bigger person. You will come out of the other side with a good relationship with your daughter (hopefully) and you'll have a big smile on your face that you did things right. You cant put a price on either of those things.

Good luck!
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#8
Sorry - maybe I'm cynical but a "come alone message" from her family screams trap to me - at the very least I'd suggest a pen camera and voice recorder, they might not be legal in court (don't really know UK law on that) but it has to be better than you saying "no I didn't" when her family are all saying "yes he did".

take care - and remember even in a crowded area when a woman screams rape many assume she is telling the truth.
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#9
Hi I have just got back from seeing my daughter.

It went really well. My partners family let me spend 2hours alone with my daughter at their house.

If felt really good seeing my daughter after so long we spent 2 hours colouring and making things, laughing and singing.

On my way out my partners family paseed a letter on to me from my partner saying She is happy to sort out some sort of arrangement for me to see my daugher on a weekly/fortnightly basis as long as I pay her £400 every month as she believes i owe her £2400 because she believes my family have thrown all her belongings out., which is not true.
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#10
(02-12-2017, 04:43 PM)Amranali Wrote: Hi I have just got back from seeing my daughter.

It went really well. My partners family let me spend 2hours alone with my daughter at their house.

If felt really good seeing my daughter after so long we spent 2 hours colouring and making things, laughing and singing.

On my way out my partners family paseed a letter on to me from my partner saying She is happy to sort out some sort of arrangement for me to see my daugher on a weekly/fortnightly basis as long as I pay her £400 every month as she believes i owe her £2400 because she believes my family have thrown all her belongings out., which is not true.

Hi - That is great news that you got to see your child. Now I suggest you focus on sorting out regular extended contact (2 hours is not a lot of time, especially if it is just fortnightly) & sort out the finances by checking it out on the cms calculator and paying her the correct amount, not a figure she has pulled out of thin air!

Good luck and keep us posted.
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