Help or advice please - I want to gain custody of my Son

[Betterlife]

Hi,

Thanks for taking the time to read this first of all, basically i am looking to gain custody of my Son from his Mother (my ex-Wife). We have been divorced for around 4-5 years now and i would love to be able to have my Son live with me now instead of her. Lots of reasons why, but safe to say i think i have a very good case as she doesnt ever seem to put him first in anything and i have had enough of it.

On big stumbling block potentially is that my Son has a diagnosis iof Autism, now again this is something she has pushed for relenetlessly despite objection from members of her family and mine. Were you or anyone to meet my son in a normal situation you wouldnt know anything was wrong and also more to the point the autistic spectrum is so vast and vague that you could argue the case for around 90% of the population to have it based on their criteria for diagnosis.

She will regularly go on holiday without him, always try to palm him off so she can go on holidaty with her new husband and their child, so my Son is ditched which eventually will effect him, she has openly admitted to me that she cant cope with him on text messages and then when i said i would take him, she then questioned about maintenance payments... Once i informed her that there would be none from me to her if my son lived with me, all of a sudden she decided that she could cope and that all would be ok. So in a nut shell she sees my son as a meal ticket for her to receive payments from me, which clearly dont go on his care or upkeep most of the time, i still buy him clothes, pay for his hair cut and lots of other things on top of the maintenance money that i give to her. She sends him to me looking borderline neglected and all the while she has her hair and her nails done like she always did, its not fair.

I wondered if anyone else had had a similar situation and if so how it was dealt with? Did you gain custody and what where the steps you had to take in orer for it to happen?

Thanks in advance for any help or assistance that you may be able to give me.

[Norfolk n Good]

Hi Betterlife, and welcome.

First the bombshell answer.......If no court order currently in place regarding your Son then there is nothing in law stopping him from living with you fulltime. You are his parent and as it stands he can live with you as much as live with his mum. If you choose to do this and mum involved the Police, they would conduct a welfare check and if all was found good then they'd tell the mother to seek legal advise and possible court action.

However......How would the separation from his mother affect your son? Whilst you say she is concerned about maintenance and the lifestyle it gives her, this is irrelevant in terms of your Son's welfare and would have no bearing in the event of a court case. The age of your Son might also have some bearing. If you were to have him, would it involve changing schools? What support network do you have in place to care for him if you are unable to due to work commitments, or you yourself being ill/ in hospital.

What are your current arrangements regarding how your Son spends his time between his parents? If he spends most of his time in her care then you'll have a struggle getting sole custody (residence order) and if you as parents can't agree then the courts would be unlikely to grant a joint residency order as this has the potential for damaging the child due to the conflict that will invariably occour with squabbling parents.

If you feel you really have a strong case to gain custody you'd be well advised to seek some initial advice from a qualified person as to your chances of success. Always bear in mind that the legal profession's main aim is to generate funds so the words "may have a case" and "could possibly gain custody" will rear their heads. They can't guarantee a result as they don't know, but they will take on your case irrespective of the certainty of the right outcome for you. Your priority is your child, theirs is making money.

As for what you currently provide in terms of child maintenance and extra's, CMEC quote the amount due for one child as 15% of net income, you can give more but you don't have to. Obviously make all payments by traceable means and ensure it is quantified as "child support" or similar.

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I'm not sure about this part: "and if you as parents can't agree then the courts would be unlikely to grant a joint residency order as this has the potential for damaging the child due to the conflict that will invariably occour with squabbling parent"

So the courts would be unlikely to grant a joint residency if the parents argue. What if the child was picked up from outside the other parents house. The parents would not see each other and this would avoid any arguments. By joint residency do you mean living together? That would not be possible in my situation (by the way I am not the original poster but trying to gain as much information as possible for my own case).

---

(03-17-2016, 03:29 PM)Norfolk n Good Wrote: Hi Betterlife, and welcome.

First the bombshell answer.......If no court order currently in place regarding your Son then there is nothing in law stopping him from living with you fulltime. You are his parent and as it stands he can live with you as much as live with his mum. If you choose to do this and mum involved the Police, they would conduct a welfare check and if all was found good then they'd tell the mother to seek legal advise and possible court action.

However......How would the separation from his mother affect your son? Whilst you say she is concerned about maintenance and the lifestyle it gives her, this is irrelevant in terms of your Son's welfare and would have no bearing in the event of a court case. The age of your Son might also have some bearing. If you were to have him, would it involve changing schools? What support network do you have in place to care for him if you are unable to due to work commitments, or you yourself being ill/ in hospital.

What are your current arrangements regarding how your Son spends his time between his parents? If he spends most of his time in her care then you'll have a struggle getting sole custody (residence order) and if you as parents can't agree then the courts would be unlikely to grant a joint residency order as this has the potential for damaging the child due to the conflict that will invariably occour with squabbling parents.

If you feel you really have a strong case to gain custody you'd be well advised to seek some initial advice from a qualified person as to your chances of success. Always bear in mind that the legal profession's main aim is to generate funds so the words "may have a case" and "could possibly gain custody" will rear their heads. They can't guarantee a result as they don't know, but they will take on your case irrespective of the certainty of the right outcome for you. Your priority is your child, theirs is making money.

As for what you currently provide in terms of child maintenance and extra's, CMEC quote the amount due for one child as 15% of net income, you can give more but you don't have to. Obviously make all payments by traceable means and ensure it is quantified as "child support" or similar.

Sorry I replied to a spam post by mistake and not yours:

I'm not sure about this part: "and if you as parents can't agree then the courts would be unlikely to grant a joint residency order as this has the potential for damaging the child due to the conflict that will invariably occour with squabbling parent"

So the courts would be unlikely to grant a joint residency if the parents argue. What if the child was picked up from outside the other parents house. The parents would not see each other and this would avoid any arguments. By joint residency do you mean living together? That would not be possible in my situation (by the way I am not the original poster but trying to gain as much information as possible for my own case).