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Weekend dad just looking for advice or anything really
#1
Hi everyone I am really struggling these days with my kids they are boy and girl seven and six. I used to see them a lot more but for most this year I only see them every second weekend due to problems with my ex.

My ex gave my seven year old son a phone for his birthday which I think he is too young but saying that could lead to a CMS application or stopping my contact. But anyway she said I can call him etc which I said I would call 6.30 on a Friday. This been fine but over last month I have tried to call with no answer which is fine. But this weekend I call at 6.30 then I send a text no answer so I sent message to mum just saying pass message on. She said she would and get them to text.

Ok so hours later I get a text from his phone meant for his mum with "sorry meant for mum" ok fine I just say "that ok" and shrug it off. Then at about 8pm I get another one saying "best mum in world etc etc" and then sorry meant for mum. Kids had friends over for sleepover. I know they just young but they can't reply to me but send me messages meant for mum.

Over the years with everything that happens I can't see positives a lot. I have been really struggling and was wondering how seeing kids every second weekend for two nights sleepover has went, did you kids keep coming till sixteen. My kids always telling me about arguments at there mums etc I used to bother but not now. My son wants to go home early sometimes so he can sit on PlayStation I just think I am losing them or maybe I am freaking out about nothing. To be honest I not sure about anything these days. Would like to hear from people who have done the every second weekend stuff, or ideas how can find out how kids feel without them telling me what I want to hear. Thanks
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#2
My children aren’t teens yet so I can only comment to where I am currently, but yeah its emotionally hard.
 
Firstly you might want to consider changing your access so you get them for an overnight midweek, and changing your weekend access so you take them to school on Mondays rather than back to her home. Not only will this help ease your feelings of separation, but it keeps a clear line between your home and hers so the PlayStation issue will hopefully disappear as they know they are with you until school.
 
While they are with you then obviously try as best you can to interact with them and play with them, kids love computers there is no doubt, but they love their parents company more. I try and keep mine active away from computers and doing stuff with me, but when they want some time playing games I also join them and play as well or at least sit and watch and ask questions so we are interacting and they love this.
 
You need to try and ignore the texts about mum and comparing yourself to her, focus on being a great Dad and your soon notice that it doesn’t matter what she does or doesn’t do the kids will love the time they spend with you.
 
As for becoming teens I think most of us Dads go through a rollercoaster at this time, normal teens want their mates not parents so I am expecting to sadly see less of my children around this time. However I am trying to set my mind up now to remember this is normal and to just keep being a supportive Dad so when they need me I’ll be here and after the teen years go we still be great friends as well as family.
 
Good luck and keep your chin up, its hard but make the most of what you do have and it will help
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#3
That "meant for mum" stuff sounds like some BS to me.

Are you sure she's not using the phone to mess you around?
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#4
Hey guys thanks for replies really appreciated

@ goetia really good post made me feel better thank you.

@ starting life again Yes I suspect that these messages came from someone else the spelling is just to perfect the kids don't type texts like that and I have come along way I not at her beck and call anymore and I think she starting to realise now.

Hey guys thanks for replies really appreciated

@ goetia really good post made me feel better thank you.

@ starting life again Yes I suspect that these messages came from someone else the spelling is just to perfect the kids don't type texts like that and I have come along way I not at her beck and call anymore and I think she starting to realise now.
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#5
Relax a little - there are loads of positives here

You get to see your kids regularly - better than some on here - its not every day but it is what it is
You have spare time to do things that you just couldn't do with kids around all the time (this is a sh*t positive, but!!!) so go and book a game of golf or learn how to rock climb ... anything but plan it
Plan great weekends with your kids - ones they will remember - as a kid i remembered days out and experiences not sitting in front of TV.

Don't stress the phone texts - IT GETS WORSE... i write to my eldest and i get "K" in return but hes not like that in real life

If someone is using his phone to send you messages to make you feel bad... lets think about that for a moment .... that is very strange and says a lot about them... rise above it or respond " your mum and dad are both great and both love you very much" - that sort of diffuses it as a weapon. You can (or should) check his phone regularly to see who is messaging him.... i doubt his mum put the relevant filters on the phone to protect him so keeping a eye on things is reasonable

As for PlayStation .. you have a couple of options 1. get him one for your place or ask him to bring it next time for weekend - you then need to make sure its a reward not an automatic right (that also gets worse as they get older) or speak to his mum and ask for her support that the PlayStation does not go on when he returns to her house so his (false) motivation is removed
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