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Contact denied
#1
Hello. Love this forum its helping me get through this nightmare. Little history, my wife and I separated 3 months ago following 4 years of domestic violence (from her, not me). We had an arrangement that we agreed but at the very first time I was due to collect my daughter she told me that I could not get her and she would not tell me where she lives (she moved into friends houses).  She has blocked my phone numbers/ social media etc...the only channel of communication I have with her is now email.  Although she has never replied to any of these.  I was able to get some phone calls with my daughter, but these varied in length from 12 seconds to 10 minutes.  The average (ive worked it out, im an accountant) call lasted just 88 seconds.  However these calls have now stopped.  I tried emailing again to see if I could these reinstated.  Yesterday morning a police office called me and threatened to have me arrested if I contact my ex one more time. I tried to explain the situation but she would not back down and said I am harassing my ex and it has to stop. I recorded the call.

I am going through the C100 route, so hopefully am expecting to hear something tomorrow or Tuesday.  The reason its taken so long to file the C100 was because my solicitor advised me that she would be deported.  She is not a UK or EU national and when she was convicted of assault against me she had her visa status removed.  My solicitor suggested it would be best to let immigration deal with the situation and then I would get full residence. I got tired of waiting for this and filed the C100 form last week.

My question is, can I really be arrested just for asking to speak to my own daughter? I have a copy of every single email I have sent to her.  None of them are threatening or abusive, ive been extremely diplomatic in every single one, just merely outlining that I have equal parental responsibility and would like contact and visitation.  I shall be presenting these in court as my attempts to contact my daughter.  And also for when my daughter is old enough, so that I can explain I did not abandon her and she can see I tried everything I could to see her.  Not in a way to score points from my ex, but just to explain the time in her life when I was not with her.
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#2
(05-14-2017, 02:24 PM)Readingram Wrote: Hello. Love this forum its helping me get through this nightmare. Little history, my wife and I separated 3 months ago following 4 years of domestic violence (from her, not me). We had an arrangement that we agreed but at the very first time I was due to collect my daughter she told me that I could not get her and she would not tell me where she lives (she moved into friends houses).  She has blocked my phone numbers/ social media etc...the only channel of communication I have with her is now email.  Although she has never replied to any of these.  I was able to get some phone calls with my daughter, but these varied in length from 12 seconds to 10 minutes.  The average (ive worked it out, im an accountant) call lasted just 88 seconds.  However these calls have now stopped.  I tried emailing again to see if I could these reinstated.  Yesterday morning a police office called me and threatened to have me arrested if I contact my ex one more time. I tried to explain the situation but she would not back down and said I am harassing my ex and it has to stop. I recorded the call.

I am going through the C100 route, so hopefully am expecting to hear something tomorrow or Tuesday.  The reason its taken so long to file the C100 was because my solicitor advised me that she would be deported.  She is not a UK or EU national and when she was convicted of assault against me she had her visa status removed.  My solicitor suggested it would be best to let immigration deal with the situation and then I would get full residence. I got tired of waiting for this and filed the C100 form last week.

My question is, can I really be arrested just for asking to speak to my own daughter? I have a copy of every single email I have sent to her.  None of them are threatening or abusive, ive been extremely diplomatic in every single one, just merely outlining that I have equal parental responsibility and would like contact and visitation.  I shall be presenting these in court as my attempts to contact my daughter.  And also for when my daughter is old enough, so that I can explain I did not abandon her and she can see I tried everything I could to see her.  Not in a way to score points from my ex, but just to explain the time in her life when I was not with her.

The two things are not related in any way.

In law your ex does have a right to object to you contacting her, but then for child arrangements, she needs to come up with something suitable to you.

What is your imigration status in the UK? If you do not have right to live here then it might be that the UK Courts do not have juristriction.
Also, is your child entitled to have a UK Passport? Does she hold one for where your ex is from, or would she be able to obtain one?
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#3
(05-14-2017, 06:38 PM)MarkR Wrote:
(05-14-2017, 02:24 PM)Readingram Wrote: Hello. Love this forum its helping me get through this nightmare. Little history, my wife and I separated 3 months ago following 4 years of domestic violence (from her, not me). We had an arrangement that we agreed but at the very first time I was due to collect my daughter she told me that I could not get her and she would not tell me where she lives (she moved into friends houses).  She has blocked my phone numbers/ social media etc...the only channel of communication I have with her is now email.  Although she has never replied to any of these.  I was able to get some phone calls with my daughter, but these varied in length from 12 seconds to 10 minutes.  The average (ive worked it out, im an accountant) call lasted just 88 seconds.  However these calls have now stopped.  I tried emailing again to see if I could these reinstated.  Yesterday morning a police office called me and threatened to have me arrested if I contact my ex one more time. I tried to explain the situation but she would not back down and said I am harassing my ex and it has to stop. I recorded the call.

I am going through the C100 route, so hopefully am expecting to hear something tomorrow or Tuesday.  The reason its taken so long to file the C100 was because my solicitor advised me that she would be deported.  She is not a UK or EU national and when she was convicted of assault against me she had her visa status removed.  My solicitor suggested it would be best to let immigration deal with the situation and then I would get full residence. I got tired of waiting for this and filed the C100 form last week.

My question is, can I really be arrested just for asking to speak to my own daughter? I have a copy of every single email I have sent to her.  None of them are threatening or abusive, ive been extremely diplomatic in every single one, just merely outlining that I have equal parental responsibility and would like contact and visitation.  I shall be presenting these in court as my attempts to contact my daughter.  And also for when my daughter is old enough, so that I can explain I did not abandon her and she can see I tried everything I could to see her.  Not in a way to score points from my ex, but just to explain the time in her life when I was not with her.

The two things are not related in any way.

In law your ex does have a right to object to you contacting her, but then for child arrangements, she needs to come up with something suitable to you.

What is your imigration status in the UK? If you do not have right to live here then it might be that the UK Courts do not have juristriction.
Also, is your child entitled to have a UK Passport? Does she hold one for where your ex is from, or would she be able to obtain one?

I am British, was born here. My daughter too, is British. She does not have a passport and my ex has been informed she will not be able to take her abroad without I) my consent, or ii) a court order, but they are highly unlikely to offer this as they would be sending a british child to live in a 3rd world country with questionable human rights abuses & high levels of child exploitation.

so she can have me arrested.  She has not suggested any child arrangements to allow us to have contact.
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#4
I separated from my first wife over 6 years ago. I left as the marriage was dead for some 6-12 months before building courage to leave. I have 4 kids and would do anything for them. When I left she went legal based on her friends advice. Since then I have been to court twice to gain access (she was never made to go to mediation) just another cog created to extract money from the dad only!!

It has been a bitter and twisted journey of jumping through ridiculous hoops (encouraged by the solicitors, judges and courts) in the name of seeing my boys (me fetching and carrying all of the time with no one making her do anything). There has never been any negotiation only what she wanted to give when it suited her. All along she made out she was in a controlling relationship and that I was violent which wasn’t true at the time. I left the home with just my personal belongings thinking this would limit the damage for my kids. Throughout the whole process I realise that the law is bias towards the mother and that it’s stacked against the dad.

I had to declare myself bankrupt due to the ex-wife and me running up debt and then I lost my job etc...I remarried with my new wife already having 4 children of her own who are a similar age to mine. She has been supportive up until my ex-wife and new partner engineered/provoked a situation on their day off together. Started to text me and wind me up. The last text from them was stating that he would attack me when dropping off my kids. What hurt me the most was my kids had been shown these texts and they knew about them. When collecting them from school I asked if they had seen any texts to which they said no. 30 minutes before the kids were due to be returned they admitted to knowing all about the texts and the set up. I felt betrayed by my own flesh and blood and the 6 years of frustration, sacrifice both emotionally and financially to see my kids welled into hate and anger. On arrival to the ex-wife’s house the new boyfriend was standing waiting for me at the front of the house where there was physical violence between him and me in front of my kids. The ex-wife was punching me in the head and the ex father in law jumped on my back and when he got up he punched me. Most of the witnesses omitted the ex and ex father in law were even involved as they had lived there their whole lives. (Pillar of the community) It had all been staged with witnesses rushing forward. I had played right into their hands.

I was charged with ABH as the others had lied in court stating the ex and ex father in law hadn't touched me and more importantly access stopped due to bail conditions. Once charged the ex-wife got her solicitor to simulate a restraining order (not official from the court) as she hadn’t managed to obtain one for herself at the time of her boyfriend obtaining one. Her solicitor wrote a letter stating I may be arrested if I tried to contact, visit the boys at school or home etc.

There is meant to be a contact order in place from the second court case and stupidly I expected that to kick back in after the bail conditions ended. I think about my boys all of the time and is driving me to distraction and can feel the anger swelling. It’s making me snappy, irritable, low tolerance especially to local government organisations and agencies who are full of "wishy washy" personalities with no life experience or empathy or just ticking boxes so I get frustrated very quickly.

My kids are always on my mind especially whilst in bed "the last and first thing". This is having a profound effect on my marriage but I don' know how to resolve it. I have no money, no prospects now, all job applications require either a credit check or CRB/DBS check so go no further, massive strain on my wife, her children and my marriage with her currently making ultimatums of do something as it can't continue as it is.
There are no support mechanisms that work seemingly unless you have deep pockets and a top barrister who will help you empty them very quickly.

I feel persecuted on so many levels that taking all of the past 6 years frustration, nothing is good enough, being wrongfully accused, forced in bankruptcy, lost my job, criminal record, having no voice, no control, no power and the overall sense of loss is becoming too much.

When will the law change to reflect 50:50 PR what does that even mean it’s a joke to give separated dads an illusion of some kind of say in their kids’ lives. Reality is you have no say; only what the mother wants you to think and do. So much for equality in this world….

I write this now as I'm near the end of the line and the last cry for help. What do I do next?
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#5
You need to talk to someone. You do need to look after yourself.

Perhaps begin by going to citizens advice?

They could print you in the direction of counselling in your area.

There are organisations out there that will assist people with a criminal record retrain and get back into work,

Regarding re-establishing contact with your children I hope some of the other forum members can pop in to give you advice.

It may be a hard slog but we'll worth it.
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