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Recommended Reading
#1
Hi all, 

My lawyer sent me this and I'm only a few chapters in but I highly recommend it (not only for those self representing)

Dad, Win Without A Lawyer - While Rediscovering Your Soul
CAREY LINDE

I pull a few lines to give you an idea of what its about:

Fathers whose former partners are reasonable women, who value and support his relationship with their children, only have to deal with the grieving period to overcome the death of the marriage. That is hard enough, but nowhere near the nightmare of fearing they are going to lose their children to her. They have time to devote their battered energies to regrowth, to getting on, and to work on the new relationship and reality with their children. Not having to constantly fight a rearguard action against a vindictive mother set on denying them their children is a luxury for such men.

You can’t control other people but you can learn to control yourself. Learn to have no response. The next time she pushes that button and the expected response doesn’t follow, she will feel jolted. She has lost something important to her: prediction, control and outcome.

In the end, you are the one who owns your identity. No matter what others may have said about you, they are not you. Only you get to decide who you are. Your knowledge of self is what matters and that is why you must become self-aware. The more in control you are of your own identity the more likely it is that a judge will see the “real” you and not the version of “you” your ex is trying to paint.

Your children are going to have two homes, and receive as much nurture and love as possible in each of those homes. Rational mothers know this and support their children having two homes, encouraging bonds with each parent. Mothers with personality disorders, or who are emotionally imbalanced, are incapable of understanding this.
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#2
(05-16-2017, 11:56 AM)LTCDAD Wrote: Hi all, 

My lawyer sent me this and I'm only a few chapters in but I highly recommend it (not only for those self representing)

Dad, Win Without A Lawyer - While Rediscovering Your Soul
CAREY LINDE

I pull a few lines to give you an idea of what its about:

Fathers whose former partners are reasonable women, who value and support his relationship with their children, only have to deal with the grieving period to overcome the death of the marriage. That is hard enough, but nowhere near the nightmare of fearing they are going to lose their children to her. They have time to devote their battered energies to regrowth, to getting on, and to work on the new relationship and reality with their children. Not having to constantly fight a rearguard action against a vindictive mother set on denying them their children is a luxury for such men.

You can’t control other people but you can learn to control yourself. Learn to have no response. The next time she pushes that button and the expected response doesn’t follow, she will feel jolted. She has lost something important to her: prediction, control and outcome.

In the end, you are the one who owns your identity. No matter what others may have said about you, they are not you. Only you get to decide who you are. Your knowledge of self is what matters and that is why you must become self-aware. The more in control you are of your own identity the more likely it is that a judge will see the “real” you and not the version of “you” your ex is trying to paint.

Your children are going to have two homes, and receive as much nurture and love as possible in each of those homes. Rational mothers know this and support their children having two homes, encouraging bonds with each parent. Mothers with personality disorders, or who are emotionally imbalanced, are incapable of understanding this.

PRINT! PRINT! PRINT!

Some wise words there, and some all too familiar points made. I'm printing and sticking it above my front door so I read it every time I leave the house.
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#3
Reading the chapter about duty.... men have a great sense of duty ... to our partners and children
Women know this and use it to their advantage to manipulate within a relationship

When the relationship breaks down, women use the sense of duty against us (or our inability to maintain our duty in a toxic relationship) and shame the man "you're a bad dad because you don't give me more money so the children will suffer"

Who is the bad parent here? The man for paying as much as he can afford... or the woman for shaming him for not giving more and telling him it is harming his kids in some way"

Its insightful stuff!
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#4
I've always found men to be more reasonable than women in cases like this. They tend to be unreasonable when they feel they are being treated unfairly.

A lot of this is common sense.

My ex and I didn't have all this drama and chaos and as a result life has been peaceful and our boys love us equally.

My younger son is off to see his Dad for 2 weeks in June and is looking forward to it. Happy lad = happy Mum. That's how I have always viewed it.

Having the house to myself for two weeks will be like a holiday ... lol

That said my younger son and his Dad didn't speak for around 10 years, nothing to do with me. I left well alone and eventually they both came round and have been back in contact for 2/3 years now. Both are very stubborn. Like father like son!
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