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Rug firmly swept from beneath my feet
#1
Hello, Like everyone here I have a pretty painful story to tell.

And like most here they probably never saw it coming.

I am at a total loss and am reaching out to anyone and everyone for help/aid/advice.

This is my story ( albeit heavily shortened!)


I am a father of 3 boys. My eldest although not biologically mine has been in my life and I his for the last 15 years and he sees me as his Dad and he is most certainly my son.  He is 17 years of age.

I also have a son of 13 and a young lad who is four and a half.

I had been with my partner for 15 years. Over the last 3 years she became less and less interested in the physical aspect of our relationship ( despite my best efforts) I put this down to her having another child and sort of accepted it as we was still a family and still did family things.
The relationship wasn't perfect but I was under the impression we was doing ok and struggling on like the rest of the world.

Last month we went on a family trip to Poland and it appeared a nice family holiday.

shortly after coming back I noticed a more subtle change in her,  less talkative, cold, spending more and more time on her phone, the usual sort of stuff.

Eventually a few weeks back I questioned her on her mood and behaviour- she basically told me she no longer loved me, that she hadn't for a long time and she wanted me gone- I knew from her words and eyes she was 100% genuine.

I left the house devastated and went back to England for a few days to see my brother as I have no support networks in Ireland.

Whilst there I did the usual thing of drinking to much and ringing her to take me back. It was during this converstation she told me that she was in Love with someone else- someone that she briefly dated 20 years ago, and whom she had lost contact with until very recently wherein she had discovered him on Facebook and they are started some form of relationship online and on the phone ( he lives in England and she in Ireland) she also said some very other nasty stuff about me but I wont go into that.

I arrived back a few days later and went to the house to see the kids, she would not let me in house and simply handed me 4 black bags of clothes and a few bags of books, she asked for the keys back and again confirmed she was in love with this man.

The next day unbeknown to me she flew back to England and spent around four days with him, she left my children in the care of her mother, and I got to see them quite a bit.

She returned and we continued to have very little contact aside from discussions about when I can see kids. She did and does however continue to hound me for money despite illegally taking 600 out of my bank account the day I left ( which also happened to be the day I was paid)

I continued to see kids and chat to them every day. However I picked up my youngest son from Nursery a few days back and he advised me that this new man was in the house and was sleeping in the bed and my son now is sleeping in the other bed with his bigger brother- I contacted my older boys and asked them if this was true- the advised that It was and that he had been there for around 5 days- SHE HAD NOT TOLD ME and still hasn't mentioned it to this day.

My Biggest concerns are this: I am well aware that this man who she now loves and who lives in the house is a previous heavy crack cocaine and heroin user ( I am not 100% sure if he is still using although I do not think he is) I have experience in this field due to my job- she tells me he is clean but has also told me that he is dying and does not have long left to live- she has also told the kids this. He had also sent me threatening messages a few weeks back telling me to leave his woman alone!!!!!

I have no idea who this person is, or his background and in all honesty I am totally gobsmacked at the speed in which she has moved him in- given she has only been back in contact with him for around 3 weeks.

She appears to have totally eradicated me from her life and it appears the kids have sympathy for this man ( she has sold them a good story)

I have excepted the split but I only hoped that she would have been more respectful and decent when it came to introducing him to the kids i.e making it a phased in thing over a period of months slowly bringing this guy into the fold- I cannot however understand how she honestly thinks its acceptable to bring a dying man into my children's lives and have him live in my house so soon after there mother and father has split up which is obviously a harder enough thing for them to deal with.

I do not think she is acting rationally at all. She seems totally and utterly swept up in the romance.

She has always been a good mother but her actions appear totally sporadic and weird

Obviously it breaks my heart to think there is someone else now living in my house around my children but I understand that this often happens but within 3 weeks... that for me is to soon.

I cannot understand why she still will not tell me he is living there but is more than happy to text me and request money constantly.

Any advice or anything really would be much appreciated

Thank you for taking the time to read my story

best Regards

V
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#2
You are certainly not alone.

Love makes anyone irrational. In hindsight now I myself probably was irrational myself when I started my relationship with my now wife...

One common is that I also blamed the problems we've had relating to our youngest child caused our relationship to wither. I now know that my wife didn't really understand it in the same way that there were very little time for romance. Another is indeed the irrational behaviour, and OK, if Love is gone, that's fair enough. But is it not possible to do the process in an amicable fashion??? Particularly when there are children involved. I have two stephsons, and I suspect they will disappear out of my life. Now I can live with that, as soon enough (probably more eventually) they would move out anyway.

A big difference is that there are no new romance for either of us. Just tragedy. I still have this glimmer of belief that we can fix it, but it is getting harder, and less likely every day.

It's now been a month since it all collapsed for me. I'm still living at our house, but I hate it. I'm now longing for a change/decision, so at least I know what to do. But fearing it could be a long time away.
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