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Separating issue
#1
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Hello, I'm looking for some advice, my wife committed Adultery with a family member a few months ago however, it took time but I forgave her, a week later (Feb 2017) she meets someone online and they form a realationship and She asked me for a divorce. As we are joint tenants in our rented home she is refusing to leave because she's ha she nowhere to go - but I have to sit here's and listen to her lovey dovey conversations when she says on the phone to her new partner - she's goes out every Fri, Sat,Sun nights to stay in hotels with this guy.... What's annoyed me is that I clearly stated that our children don't meet her new partner just yet as she's only known him a few months. However I've since learned from my daughter that they have met him 3 times including a trip to XXXX Zoo.

I have asked my ex to move out as she did wrong when she slept with my cousin!! and it's heartbreaking watching her come and go as she pleases- she has since told me that once the Kisangani break up for summer she's removing them out of school as she's moving to her boyfriends area! I'm in XXXXX and her partner liveable in XXXXX. I don't drive etc but she said told me that as she isn't the mother she can do what she likes.

My kids are so happy in school, 100% attendance etc and I don't feel that they should be uprooted just because their mother has decided to "move on" I told her I will seek a court order and she's laughed in my face telling me that farthers have no rights and court will not see it in my favour.

There is or never has been any kind of domestic violence but she stated that she will serve something called an occupation order for emotional abuse. There is lots of people who live around me that think she's too hard faced and that she continues to hurt me more and more.

I've searched the internet I can't find any help - I've spoken to citizens advice who told me to see a solicitor but I haven't got the funds to do that :Sad Can anyone please advise me on what to do? I want full access of my children I want there education to stay as it is, plus for them to stay with friends and family who are around them. 

Please accept my sincere apologies for the long post

Paul -

Several locations removed from this post by MarkR.
This case is UK law, with no international aspects.
The relocation is about 45 miles, but by public transport its 1.5 hours each way (and that is based on his town centre to her new town centre, it could go up significantly from this)
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#2
(05-27-2017, 12:26 AM)Paul1983 Wrote: Hello, I'm looking for some advice, my wife committed Adultery with a family member a few months ago however, it took time but I forgave her, a week later (Feb 2017) she meets someone online and they form a realationship and She asked me for a divorce. As we are joint tenants in our rented home she is refusing to leave because she's ha she nowhere to go - but I have to sit here's and listen to her lovey dovey conversations when she says on the phone to her new partner - she's goes out every Fri, Sat,Sun nights to stay in hotels with this guy.... What's annoyed me is that I clearly stated that our children don't meet her new partner just yet as she's only known him a few months. However I've since learned from my daughter that they have met him 3 times including a trip to XXXX Zoo.

I have asked my ex to move out as she did wrong when she slept with my cousin!! and it's heartbreaking watching her come and go as she pleases- she has since told me that once the Kisangani break up for summer she's removing them out of school as she's moving to her boyfriends area! I'm in XXXXX and her partner liveable in XXXXX. I don't drive etc but she said told me that as she isn't the mother she can do what she likes.

My kids are so happy in school, 100% attendance etc and I don't feel that they should be uprooted just because their mother has decided to "move on" I told her I will seek a court order and she's laughed in my face telling me that farthers have no rights and court will not see it in my favour.

There is or never has been any kind of domestic violence but she stated that she will serve something called an occupation order for emotional abuse. There is lots of people who live around me that think she's too hard faced and that she continues to hurt me more and more.

I've searched the internet I can't find any help - I've spoken to citizens advice who told me to see a solicitor but I haven't got the funds to do that :Sad Can anyone please advise me on what to do? I want full access of my children I want there education to stay as it is, plus for them to stay with friends and family who are around them. 

Please accept my sincere apologies for the long post

Paul -

Several locations removed from this post by MarkR.
This case is UK law, with no international aspects.
The relocation is about 45 miles, but by public transport its 1.5 hours each way (and that is based on his town centre to her new town centre, it could go up significantly from this)


The first thing is I had to remove the detail, as it could cause you problems if the case ended up in Court, and also you would not want your ex to be able to see any advice offered from the Mods or Members of this site.

Inform you ex she has got it wrong about her being able to do what she wants as she is the mother. The current Legal Position is that assuming you was married to her on the day of birth, or you was present and named on the Birth Certificate, you both have Parental Responsibility, meaning you on the same legal standing.

This only changes when a Child Arrangements Order is made (or a Consent Order setting out the arrangements for your children). One of you will become the Resident Parent, and the other will have contact time. At that point, the other parent has no say in what happens when the children are with the other parent, but should be kept informed about any Medical or Education issues.

To Prevent the relocation you can apply for a Prohibited Steps Court Order, preventing the relocation of the Children while sorting out Child Arrangements is in progress, and also for a Residence Order to be made, on the basis that she is abandoning the children over the weekend to spend time with a new partner, thus forcing you to support them, so you want to be able to claim the Child Benefit and Tax Credits to be able to do this. Its likely that your sent to Mediation, but you might get what is called an Interim Order while that is in progress..

You need to start to have your own finances. Whoever gets the Child Benefit for this is considered to be the Resident Parent for Benefits only. This does not change the above position.

In your situation, you both have a contract to pay your rent, and your relationship status does not change that. The way forward depends on if this is Council House, Social Housing or a Private Landlord. Please advise what it is, without naming them. Note that is is now illegal if you live in a Council or Social Housing House if you do not inform them if you move out, or if its no longer your Primary home.

You should end any joint benefit claims, and start new ones as single people, with the person who currently gets Child Benefit claiming for the children. http://www.entitltedto.co.uk is a good starting point to work out what you both might get. If you do not get Child Benefit, its also worth looking at what you would get if you had it and claimed for the children, to make sure your current home would still be affordable.

For Housing Benefit, you can claim 1 bedroom for
Everyone  (or couple) over 16
2 children of the same sex can share a room
2 children under 10 can share a room.

Therefore the Non Resident Parent will only be able to get Housing Benefit based on 1 bedroom. However for contact its acceptable for the children to have their own beds, but under 10's can share a bedroom with anyone. Over 10's should only share with someone of the same sex. A living room is acceptable to sleep in, if no Gas Fire in it.


While living in the same house, the person not getting Child Benefit only pays for what they use except on some bills.
Rent, Divide the rent by number of bedrooms, and that is the most the person not claiming for the children should pay, unless there is a shortfall between that, and the allowed rent for the Housing Benefit claim, when that shortfall is then 50/50 to pay.

Council Tax. Again its half each, but bear in mind that you both might get a reduction in your own right. Half the bill, and take off what benefit you get each. That is the amount you have to pay each. (Make sure instalments up to separation are up to date before working it out that way).

Utility's, With 2 adults and 2 children, its normal for the adult not claiming for the children to only be using 30-35%, so that is what should be paid by them.

Things like TV Services, Home Phone and Broadband, you need to considered who is using it, again so that the person not claiming for the children is only paying for what they use.

Both HMRC and the Benefits Agency will accept that you might eat together even if separated as its better for the children to see this. However the rules are clear, that you must show its a shared expense, again with the person not claiming for the children either paying towards it, or providing some of the food etc.

In terms of Child Arrangements, its split to Care Time (Monday - Thursdays school term time only), and Quality Time (weekend and school holidays).

For contact, it comes down the to availability of the Non Resident Parent. The normal starting point is Friday till Sunday every 2 weeks, and up to half school holidays. This in effect is halving the Quality Time. Sometimes people have work rotas making this not work, and in that situation you can put in a rota to match the availability due to the work hours, over the same number of weeks.

For more like shared care, then mid week visits or stay overs can be added in. It might be 0 or 1 on the weekend the non resident parent has the weekend, and 1 or 2 on the other. This comes down to distance and other factors, where the Judge will decide if its workable or not. Note for Child Support, its only overnight where you get a reduction.

Note that babysitting if its being done should be in addition to contact. To be clear on this, contact is at times to suit the non resident parent, with it being their choice of activity/location with who they want. In your case, she is going AWOL instead of spending quality time with her children at the weekend.

While the person who gets the Child Benefit claims for the children, they have what the law says they need to live off. However, the other parent needs to pay Child Support. Where both parents live in the same house, this is at the 0 Staying Contact Rate, what is also why you need to get the Residence Order as your paying all costs while she is away at weekends.

There is 2 types of child support options in your situation.

a, is a Family Based Agreement, but in most cases I do not like them, as the CMS (B) option result is known. Its a no lose situation, either a better outcome, or they can put CMS in.

b, The CMS system looks at
1, Income, (P60 and/or Self Assessment Gross Profit) last tax year as the starting point. There might be variations of income for something, like Benefits in Kind for Tax, Excessive Pension Contributions reducing the taxable income used, and what might happen in your case, where you could end up with your Excessive Travel for Contact Costs being took into account, if she does relocate with the children.

The income is updated at the end of your case year, unless there is a change of 25% either way, what you must report and it takes effect from then, or if you go onto a qualifying benefit, what limits what you can pay to be either £7 per week with less than 53 nights a year, or Nil if you exceed it.

2, if you or a new partner has dependent children who either of them get Child Benefit for it reduces the amount

3, Staying contact once you have separate houses also reduces the payment.

The Resident Parent pays for all normal day to day costs, except when the child is with the other parent, when its their cost. The CMS payment is what is considered to be a fair contribution towards the normal day to day costs, taking into account the ability to pay. This is not income for any Means Tested Benefits the Resident Parent might get.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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