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Court Hearing, Dad's Rights and Costs
#1
Hi All, 

I am new to the forum which I came across today and after reading I could not reasist to join.

I hope you can help me and I will try to keep it as short as I can.

My Story...my nightmare:

I have been with my ex for 6 years or so and have a 4 y.o. girl. 
She is an business executive and myself an employee of a large company. Here salary is considerably larger than mine. Our case is somehow are not the norm as I have been having the 9 til 5 job to ensure we could cater for our child needs while she has been on business travelling ad other commitments. In my eyes I have been the primary carerer. In essence, I had the role of the standard working mother and her the high flyer executive.  I always was the one that will call my employer and told them that my baby was ill and me taking time off work looking for dependants. I also took parental leave for 3 months while the mother took 4 months.
Due to the mother's job or for whatever reason she has been drinking on a daily basis for the last two years becoming abusive towards me and informt of the child. Because her high profile, she always told me that no one will belive me and therefore I started recording the arguments, convesations and specially when she was extremelly drunk. (Some of the recordings have been submitted to court but not sure if they will be accepted, as on my last hearing the Jugde did not want to accept as I have another hearing on the 22nd June).
It was such the level of abuse that I went to left for a few days to see my parents and get out of the house as it was poisoned. She was after me and looking for a fight, so if I was to respond she will call the police. She already was saying to my child "Your daddy will not be here soon". 
During my absence I went to see a lawyer and explained the situation and how the alcohol and her estress was bringing the house to collapse. He wrote a letter to her, telling her I wanted the temporary full custody of the child until she was to recover and I was willing to go thru mediation. On my return, you guys can imagine that was not going to be an easy ride. She was deying access to my child and the house. i was sent to sleep on the junk room. She kept harassing me until we had an incident of vilence (kicked and furnity unit) and she called the police. I was asked to stay the nigth away and I never returned back to the family home as I live in fear she will call the police lying I have done somthing to her and getting arrested.
A week later, i have got an letter for an emergency hearing infront of the Family Court, where I am being acused of being abusive and violent towards her and the child as well as  trying to remove the child out of the country. She demands to the court for a Non-molestation and no-Occupation orders.
I engaged with lawyers, (we tried mediation but she declined). I had two hearings so far, last one on the 30th May17. 
She is living in the family home with the child and me in a share accomodation, which means i am only allowed to see my girl on Tuesday and Thursdays after work and returning her at 7pm. And Saturdays, 10 til 5pm as per Jugde. 
We have tried to negotiate but she doesn't want to know. 
I want 50% share custody, meaning to me, I would like 1 week with the child and one week off, with changing over on Mondays after school.
Because the mother's job I know she will not be able to look affter the child without asking babyseaters, friends, and family to look after the child, while me I am left with nothing. My solicitors are of the already assumed idea that what I am demanding is not going to happen and it will be the normal one night sleep over and weekend every forthnight. This to me is unacceptable. 
I have expent in lawyers, in a matter of a month, someting around 12,000 GBP. As see is financially strong, she is making this process as long as possible to draing me out which in fact I am realising she have just done. 
Hence, can someone help / advise in which are my chances for the custody?
Also, any way to get financial support or where could I get extra cash? If not, what can I do if I cannot pay the lawyer?
Because we have a house (which is mortgatge), around +500K, I believe I do not qualify for free legal aid.
Thanks for your advise and support and apologies from the lng story which I trimmed.
Also, I have been signed off sick for stress for 2 months.
My daughter adores me (words of her mother before separating), now i am monster. She even threaten to kill me in front of my daughter.
What can I do? I just wanted to protect myself and my child from an alcoholic abusive mother and I found myself overnight out of the house and no right for the dad (on nearly none). It is a disgrace. Thanks 
JohnGreen
Reply
#2
(06-05-2017, 09:19 PM)JohnGreen Wrote: Hi All, 

I am new to the forum which I came across today and after reading I could not reasist to join.

I hope you can help me and I will try to keep it as short as I can.

My Story...my nightmare:

I have been with my ex for 6 years or so and have a 4 y.o. girl. 
She is an business executive and myself an employee of a large company. Here salary is considerably larger than mine. Our case is somehow are not the norm as I have been having the 9 til 5 job to ensure we could cater for our child needs while she has been on business travelling ad other commitments. In my eyes I have been the primary carerer. In essence, I had the role of the standard working mother and her the high flyer executive.  I always was the one that will call my employer and told them that my baby was ill and me taking time off work looking for dependants. I also took parental leave for 3 months while the mother took 4 months.
Due to the mother's job or for whatever reason she has been drinking on a daily basis for the last two years becoming abusive towards me and informt of the child. Because her high profile, she always told me that no one will belive me and therefore I started recording the arguments, convesations and specially when she was extremelly drunk. (Some of the recordings have been submitted to court but not sure if they will be accepted, as on my last hearing the Jugde did not want to accept as I have another hearing on the 22nd June).
It was such the level of abuse that I went to left for a few days to see my parents and get out of the house as it was poisoned. She was after me and looking for a fight, so if I was to respond she will call the police. She already was saying to my child "Your daddy will not be here soon". 
During my absence I went to see a lawyer and explained the situation and how the alcohol and her estress was bringing the house to collapse. He wrote a letter to her, telling her I wanted the temporary full custody of the child until she was to recover and I was willing to go thru mediation. On my return, you guys can imagine that was not going to be an easy ride. She was deying access to my child and the house. i was sent to sleep on the junk room. She kept harassing me until we had an incident of vilence (kicked and furnity unit) and she called the police. I was asked to stay the nigth away and I never returned back to the family home as I live in fear she will call the police lying I have done somthing to her and getting arrested.
A week later, i have got an letter for an emergency hearing infront of the Family Court, where I am being acused of being abusive and violent towards her and the child as well as  trying to remove the child out of the country. She demands to the court for a Non-molestation and no-Occupation orders.
I engaged with lawyers, (we tried mediation but she declined). I had two hearings so far, last one on the 30th May17. 
She is living in the family home with the child and me in a share accomodation, which means i am only allowed to see my girl on Tuesday and Thursdays after work and returning her at 7pm. And Saturdays, 10 til 5pm as per Jugde. 
We have tried to negotiate but she doesn't want to know. 
I want 50% share custody, meaning to me, I would like 1 week with the child and one week off, with changing over on Mondays after school.
Because the mother's job I know she will not be able to look affter the child without asking babyseaters, friends, and family to look after the child, while me I am left with nothing. My solicitors are of the already assumed idea that what I am demanding is not going to happen and it will be the normal one night sleep over and weekend every forthnight. This to me is unacceptable. 
I have expent in lawyers, in a matter of a month, someting around 12,000 GBP. As see is financially strong, she is making this process as long as possible to draing me out which in fact I am realising she have just done. 
Hence, can someone help / advise in which are my chances for the custody?
Also, any way to get financial support or where could I get extra cash? If not, what can I do if I cannot pay the lawyer?
Because we have a house (which is mortgatge), around +500K, I believe I do not qualify for free legal aid.
Thanks for your advise and support and apologies from the lng story which I trimmed.
Also, I have been signed off sick for stress for 2 months.
My daughter adores me (words of her mother before separating), now i am monster. She even threaten to kill me in front of my daughter.
What can I do? I just wanted to protect myself and my child from an alcoholic abusive mother and I found myself overnight out of the house and no right for the dad (on nearly none). It is a disgrace. Thanks 
JohnGreen

The fact that she got them Orders means its very unlickly that you will get what your wanting. For any form of shared care, the Judge needs to see its workable.

However, them Orders do not mean you do not have a right to see your children. Its my view that you wiil only get typical contact along the lines of Friday till Sunday every 2 weeks, and half the school holidays.

You can not get legal aid for this type of application, even if on benefits.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
Reply
#3
(06-06-2017, 06:17 AM)MarkR Wrote:
(06-05-2017, 09:19 PM)JohnGreen Wrote: Hi All, 

I am new to the forum which I came across today and after reading I could not reasist to join.

I hope you can help me and I will try to keep it as short as I can.

My Story...my nightmare:

I have been with my ex for 6 years or so and have a 4 y.o. girl. 
She is an business executive and myself an employee of a large company. Here salary is considerably larger than mine. Our case is somehow are not the norm as I have been having the 9 til 5 job to ensure we could cater for our child needs while she has been on business travelling ad other commitments. In my eyes I have been the primary carerer. In essence, I had the role of the standard working mother and her the high flyer executive.  I always was the one that will call my employer and told them that my baby was ill and me taking time off work looking for dependants. I also took parental leave for 3 months while the mother took 4 months.
Due to the mother's job or for whatever reason she has been drinking on a daily basis for the last two years becoming abusive towards me and informt of the child. Because her high profile, she always told me that no one will belive me and therefore I started recording the arguments, convesations and specially when she was extremelly drunk. (Some of the recordings have been submitted to court but not sure if they will be accepted, as on my last hearing the Jugde did not want to accept as I have another hearing on the 22nd June).
It was such the level of abuse that I went to left for a few days to see my parents and get out of the house as it was poisoned. She was after me and looking for a fight, so if I was to respond she will call the police. She already was saying to my child "Your daddy will not be here soon". 
During my absence I went to see a lawyer and explained the situation and how the alcohol and her estress was bringing the house to collapse. He wrote a letter to her, telling her I wanted the temporary full custody of the child until she was to recover and I was willing to go thru mediation. On my return, you guys can imagine that was not going to be an easy ride. She was deying access to my child and the house. i was sent to sleep on the junk room. She kept harassing me until we had an incident of vilence (kicked and furnity unit) and she called the police. I was asked to stay the nigth away and I never returned back to the family home as I live in fear she will call the police lying I have done somthing to her and getting arrested.
A week later, i have got an letter for an emergency hearing infront of the Family Court, where I am being acused of being abusive and violent towards her and the child as well as  trying to remove the child out of the country. She demands to the court for a Non-molestation and no-Occupation orders.
I engaged with lawyers, (we tried mediation but she declined). I had two hearings so far, last one on the 30th May17. 
She is living in the family home with the child and me in a share accomodation, which means i am only allowed to see my girl on Tuesday and Thursdays after work and returning her at 7pm. And Saturdays, 10 til 5pm as per Jugde. 
We have tried to negotiate but she doesn't want to know. 
I want 50% share custody, meaning to me, I would like 1 week with the child and one week off, with changing over on Mondays after school.
Because the mother's job I know she will not be able to look affter the child without asking babyseaters, friends, and family to look after the child, while me I am left with nothing. My solicitors are of the already assumed idea that what I am demanding is not going to happen and it will be the normal one night sleep over and weekend every forthnight. This to me is unacceptable. 
I have expent in lawyers, in a matter of a month, someting around 12,000 GBP. As see is financially strong, she is making this process as long as possible to draing me out which in fact I am realising she have just done. 
Hence, can someone help / advise in which are my chances for the custody?
Also, any way to get financial support or where could I get extra cash? If not, what can I do if I cannot pay the lawyer?
Because we have a house (which is mortgatge), around +500K, I believe I do not qualify for free legal aid.
Thanks for your advise and support and apologies from the lng story which I trimmed.
Also, I have been signed off sick for stress for 2 months.
My daughter adores me (words of her mother before separating), now i am monster. She even threaten to kill me in front of my daughter.
What can I do? I just wanted to protect myself and my child from an alcoholic abusive mother and I found myself overnight out of the house and no right for the dad (on nearly none). It is a disgrace. Thanks 
JohnGreen

The fact that she got them Orders means its very unlickly that you will get what your wanting. For any form of shared care, the Judge needs to see its workable.

However, them Orders do not mean you do not have a right to see your children. Its my view that you wiil only get typical contact along the lines of Friday till Sunday every 2 weeks, and half the school holidays.

You can not get legal aid for this type of application, even if on benefits.

Thanks mark for your input.
However, if I can somehow proof that I was or has been the main career, would does not make a difference? 
I see my case as a not the typical case of daddy working and mummy looking after the kids, My case is the other way around, why should the mother have all the power to do what she likes and lie, when mi child and myself have been victims of her abusive behaviour? We have managed to get a hair strand test to determain her unhelathy cosumption of alcohol. Why men are treated like this? It is so unfair and it is not fair to the child. Everything started from me trying to protect the child and myself from the mother, and now she will looks after the kid when I know she cannot due to her work commitments, This is hell. 
thanks and regards
Reply
#4
(06-06-2017, 06:37 AM)JohnGreen Wrote:
(06-06-2017, 06:17 AM)MarkR Wrote:
(06-05-2017, 09:19 PM)JohnGreen Wrote: Hi All, 

I am new to the forum which I came across today and after reading I could not reasist to join.

I hope you can help me and I will try to keep it as short as I can.

My Story...my nightmare:

I have been with my ex for 6 years or so and have a 4 y.o. girl. 
She is an business executive and myself an employee of a large company. Here salary is considerably larger than mine. Our case is somehow are not the norm as I have been having the 9 til 5 job to ensure we could cater for our child needs while she has been on business travelling ad other commitments. In my eyes I have been the primary carerer. In essence, I had the role of the standard working mother and her the high flyer executive.  I always was the one that will call my employer and told them that my baby was ill and me taking time off work looking for dependants. I also took parental leave for 3 months while the mother took 4 months.
Due to the mother's job or for whatever reason she has been drinking on a daily basis for the last two years becoming abusive towards me and informt of the child. Because her high profile, she always told me that no one will belive me and therefore I started recording the arguments, convesations and specially when she was extremelly drunk. (Some of the recordings have been submitted to court but not sure if they will be accepted, as on my last hearing the Jugde did not want to accept as I have another hearing on the 22nd June).
It was such the level of abuse that I went to left for a few days to see my parents and get out of the house as it was poisoned. She was after me and looking for a fight, so if I was to respond she will call the police. She already was saying to my child "Your daddy will not be here soon". 
During my absence I went to see a lawyer and explained the situation and how the alcohol and her estress was bringing the house to collapse. He wrote a letter to her, telling her I wanted the temporary full custody of the child until she was to recover and I was willing to go thru mediation. On my return, you guys can imagine that was not going to be an easy ride. She was deying access to my child and the house. i was sent to sleep on the junk room. She kept harassing me until we had an incident of vilence (kicked and furnity unit) and she called the police. I was asked to stay the nigth away and I never returned back to the family home as I live in fear she will call the police lying I have done somthing to her and getting arrested.
A week later, i have got an letter for an emergency hearing infront of the Family Court, where I am being acused of being abusive and violent towards her and the child as well as  trying to remove the child out of the country. She demands to the court for a Non-molestation and no-Occupation orders.
I engaged with lawyers, (we tried mediation but she declined). I had two hearings so far, last one on the 30th May17. 
She is living in the family home with the child and me in a share accomodation, which means i am only allowed to see my girl on Tuesday and Thursdays after work and returning her at 7pm. And Saturdays, 10 til 5pm as per Jugde. 
We have tried to negotiate but she doesn't want to know. 
I want 50% share custody, meaning to me, I would like 1 week with the child and one week off, with changing over on Mondays after school.
Because the mother's job I know she will not be able to look affter the child without asking babyseaters, friends, and family to look after the child, while me I am left with nothing. My solicitors are of the already assumed idea that what I am demanding is not going to happen and it will be the normal one night sleep over and weekend every forthnight. This to me is unacceptable. 
I have expent in lawyers, in a matter of a month, someting around 12,000 GBP. As see is financially strong, she is making this process as long as possible to draing me out which in fact I am realising she have just done. 
Hence, can someone help / advise in which are my chances for the custody?
Also, any way to get financial support or where could I get extra cash? If not, what can I do if I cannot pay the lawyer?
Because we have a house (which is mortgatge), around +500K, I believe I do not qualify for free legal aid.
Thanks for your advise and support and apologies from the lng story which I trimmed.
Also, I have been signed off sick for stress for 2 months.
My daughter adores me (words of her mother before separating), now i am monster. She even threaten to kill me in front of my daughter.
What can I do? I just wanted to protect myself and my child from an alcoholic abusive mother and I found myself overnight out of the house and no right for the dad (on nearly none). It is a disgrace. Thanks 
JohnGreen

The fact that she got them Orders means its very unlickly that you will get what your wanting. For any form of shared care, the Judge needs to see its workable.

However, them Orders do not mean you do not have a right to see your children. Its my view that you wiil only get typical contact along the lines of Friday till Sunday every 2 weeks, and half the school holidays.

You can not get legal aid for this type of application, even if on benefits.

Thanks mark for your input.
However, if I can somehow proof that I was or has been the main career, would does not make a difference? 
I see my case as a not the typical case of daddy working and mummy looking after the kids, My case is the other way around, why should the mother have all the power to do what she likes and lie, when mi child and myself have been victims of her abusive behaviour? We have managed to get a hair strand test to determain her unhelathy cosumption of alcohol. Why men are treated like this? It is so unfair and it is not fair to the child. Everything started from me trying to protect the child and myself from the mother, and now she will looks after the kid when I know she cannot due to her work commitments, This is hell. 
thanks and regards

its not the arrangements when you was a couple what will come into this. Where them sort or Orders are made, its normal for the child to live with one parent, and have basic contact only. If you can show she is using excessive Child Care, then you might have a case for you to be the Resident Parent. However, for that you will need to have a 2 bedroom house/flat in place.

For contact due to the ages, you only need to have beds for them, not their own room.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
Reply


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