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Newly Seperated - Please Help
#1
Hello all,  my wife told me 10 days ago she doesn't love me as a husband and doesn't want to be with me anymore.  I work (an hour away from home and work an 11 hours day leaving at 6.30am and getting home at 5.30pm) full time and bring home £2275 per month, she works 25 hours per week bringing home approx. £835 per month.  Our mortgage is £501 per month on a house we bought a year ago for 188k and we have a mortgage of 148k.

Im currently living in the spare room and my 4 1/2 year old daughter only knows that much as we try to keep things as normal as possible between us.  My questions (of which there are loads) are things like, do I go for shared custody, how would it work, do I move and live in our town or should I move half way between work and home but then this would rule out shared custody I guess.  Do I say we have to sell the house (in joint names) and they find something smaller?  Can she force me not to do that?

People have said to me it is just a blip but she has told all of her friends and family so im not sure it is, I really want to minimise the disruption for my daughter and im heartbroken for me of course, but for my daughter more.  She is my world and despite me offering to change, bth of us go to counselling etc nothing works.  We live 2 roads away from my inlaws and the same form her brother and wife so she has all of the support network whereas I have only 1 friend and all my family is in Essex.

I want to keep this as good a break as possible but I cant be taken advantage of.  Our mortgage is in joint names and we have credit card debts of 18k, any advice would be gratefully received.

Alan
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#2
Hi Alan,
Welcome to a the club - sorry to ear your news

Ok ... cant answer them all but here goes and others will chip in

In UK one parent (A) applies for residency (where the kids lives 51% of time) the other is non resident parent (B) and pays parent A child maintenance and parent A gets the child benefit etc
Parent B has the kid up-to half the time.... so in that effect.. in UK shared custody does not actually exist (50:50) it sort of has to be 50.01:49.99 but you can apply for shared custody and work out a plan to have kids 50:50 and nominate one parent to paid CMS and claim the benefits etc (law and practicalities are not always the same thing eh?

Up to you what you do with the house... no court will force a sale while kid is living there but you can agree on both releasing funds from sale and moving ion with your lives

If its a blip... don't do anything rash... these separations can take 2 years to sort out... if she's telling everyone its over, best get on with it - you sound like you know you need your daughter to be put 1st in everything so already your have a good start.

Have a word with work... tell them... ask for working at home on a Friday etc and a little flexi time

There are other experts about the debt and mortgage (if its joint then you both have responsibility but they can come after either of you for non payment)
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#3
(06-12-2017, 12:01 PM)Alan Measom Wrote: Hello all,  my wife told me 10 days ago she doesn't love me as a husband and doesn't want to be with me anymore.  I work (an hour away from home and work an 11 hours day leaving at 6.30am and getting home at 5.30pm) full time and bring home £2275 per month, she works 25 hours per week bringing home approx. £835 per month.  Our mortgage is £501 per month on a house we bought a year ago for 188k and we have a mortgage of 148k.

Im currently living in the spare room and my 4 1/2 year old daughter only knows that much as we try to keep things as normal as possible between us.  My questions (of which there are loads) are things like, do I go for shared custody, how would it work, do I move and live in our town or should I move half way between work and home but then this would rule out shared custody I guess.  Do I say we have to sell the house (in joint names) and they find something smaller?  Can she force me not to do that?

People have said to me it is just a blip but she has told all of her friends and family so im not sure it is, I really want to minimise the disruption for my daughter and im heartbroken for me of course, but for my daughter more.  She is my world and despite me offering to change, bth of us go to counselling etc nothing works.  We live 2 roads away from my inlaws and the same form her brother and wife so she has all of the support network whereas I have only 1 friend and all my family is in Essex.

I want to keep this as good a break as possible but I cant be taken advantage of.  Our mortgage is in joint names and we have credit card debts of 18k, any advice would be gratefully received.

Alan

So the bad news is that your relationship status in no way changes the terms of your mortgage.

Looking at her income her tax credit award as a single person with the child would be about £120 per week. I can not see her being able to obtain a Mortgage in her own name even without the Joint Credit Card Debt.

In terms of you buying her out, you both own 10% each now from the deposit, unless you can show that this was money from before the relationship what was used.

If we assume your mortgage is over 20 years, you have paid 5% of it off now, 2.5% each.

Therefore if the house value has not changed much, your ex would be due £37,500 ish from a buy out.

If you can not raise the funds for this, then she might go for a charge on the house, or an installment plan.

The benefit for her is its off her name and credit file, and if she rents she can get Housing Benefit subject to means testing. http://www.entitledto.co.uk will show this.
Having £6000 in the bank affects entitledment to means tested benefits like this, so a payment plan over 10 years might be best for her.

If you stay put, Child Support at the 0 nights contact rate will be payable. She would have to pay for herself and the child, but she could claim Tax Credits as a single person.  In that situation, its either half each on the mortage, or you need to do a formal agreement, as future shareouts will take into account the amount being paid since seperation.

Should you move out, then you can in a CMS case, Short your Child Support in some cases. If its allowed, then you ex gets the credit for paying the shorted amount towards the mortgage, as its cash she should of got.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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