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Decided to go to court for acces's -Help and advice would be appreciated
#1
I've decided to go to court to get access to my 13 year old son. Me and his Mum split up in September 2015. Since then contact has been sporadic with me hardly seeing him and I've struggled to maintain any contact.

I thought after a while things would calm down and seeing him would be more regular. Sadly his mind has been poisoned by hi's mother and her parents. I haven't spent more than an hour with him in the last 12 months. He has been poorly so I held back.

Recently though he has stopped ringing me or answering calls to me or twitters or text's. This is destroying me and I'm struggling to cope with it. I feel I have to do something to see my son again. I was hoping I could be pointed in the right direction or receive some tips and advice about what lies ahead. I plan to represent myself. I see this as my last chance to get him back in my life. I feel if I leave things any longer I will lose him altogether. Thank you in advance.

Simon.
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#2
(06-12-2017, 09:20 PM)sad_Dad_1 Wrote: I've decided to go to court to get access to my 13 year old son. Me and his Mum split up in September 2015. Since then contact has been sporadic with me hardly seeing him and I've struggled to maintain any contact.

I thought after a while things would calm down and seeing him would be more regular. Sadly his mind has been poisoned by hi's mother and her parents. I haven't spent more than an hour with him in the last 12 months. He has been poorly so I held back.

Recently though he has stopped ringing me or answering calls to me or twitters or text's.  This is destroying me and I'm struggling to cope with it. I feel I have to do something to see my son again. I was hoping I could be pointed in the right direction or receive some tips and advice about what lies ahead. I plan to represent myself. I see this as my last chance to get him back in my life.  I feel if I leave things any longer I will lose him altogether. Thank you in advance.

Simon.

Unless a Court Order already exists, you need to first go to Mediation, what you might get Legal Aid for.

To put this in Court you need either
a, her to no show
b, them to give you a "Deadlock" letter
c, an agreement to be made and not followed.

If you do go to Court, its £215 to make the application, reduced if on a low income, free on some benefits.

As the child is 13, its very lickly that a "Wishes and desires" report is carried out. The judge will have to consider this when deciding on the way forward.

If the child wants contact, the starting point would be Friday till Sunday every 2 weeks, and up to half school holidays if that suited your avalailbity. Phone/Text/Social Media can be part of an order.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#3
"Recently though he has stopped ringing me or answering calls to me or twitters or text's. This is destroying me and I'm struggling to cope with it. I feel I have to do something to see my son again. I was hoping I could be pointed in the right direction or receive some tips and advice about what lies ahead."

The destroying me thing and hard to cope ... yep I have been there but have faith, It is not the first time mothers do that to a child.. A good tip if all contact is lost go back to court and insist that a gift is given at three monthly intervals . Christmas, Easter , Birthdays and Halloween
What child does not want birthday money or Christmas money?

If he sends you the money back put it in a bank account and send the statement

Keep going and do not give in
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#4
The advice I always give is:
  • never show the mother any emotion
  • never show her any anger
  • never send or say anything abusive no matter what she says or does
  • send all attempts to reach agreements by email or post
  • keep copies of everything sent and received  
  • consider and plan everything, how many days/nights can you have him midweek and over a weekend in term times, how much time in school holidays, Christmas arrangements, birthday arrangements, easter, fathers days, where you would collect/return from, what times this will be inside and outside of term times, telephone contact, EVERYTHING
  • go to the mediation and court with everything planned and well thought out
  • counter any accusations made against you if you can prove them to be false, any unfounded accusations that you can’t prove then simply state they are unfounded and she should provide evidence in fact finding to prove them or they are simply attempts to sway opinion
  • stay child focused, show that your intentions are only to provide your son with fair and regular access to all his family
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#5
See if you get get hold of a copy of this book

Dad, Win Without A Lawyer - While Rediscovering Your Soul
CAREY LINDE

I pull a few lines to give you an idea of what its about:

Fathers whose former partners are reasonable women, who value and support his relationship with their children, only have to deal with the grieving period to overcome the death of the marriage. That is hard enough, but nowhere near the nightmare of fearing they are going to lose their children to her. They have time to devote their battered energies to regrowth, to getting on, and to work on the new relationship and reality with their children. Not having to constantly fight a rearguard action against a vindictive mother set on denying them their children is a luxury for such men.

You can’t control other people but you can learn to control yourself. Learn to have no response. The next time she pushes that button and the expected response doesn’t follow, she will feel jolted. She has lost something important to her: prediction, control and outcome.

In the end, you are the one who owns your identity. No matter what others may have said about you, they are not you. Only you get to decide who you are. Your knowledge of self is what matters and that is why you must become self-aware. The more in control you are of your own identity the more likely it is that a judge will see the “real” you and not the version of “you” your ex is trying to paint.

Your children are going to have two homes, and receive as much nurture and love as possible in each of those homes. Rational mothers know this and support their children having two homes, encouraging bonds with each parent. Mothers with personality disorders, or who are emotionally imbalanced, are incapable of understanding this.
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#6
@LTCDAD - I actually bought that book on your recommendation - I can say its helped me a lot
The opinions here are not that of Separated Dads, but merely a loving father who has been through the process and has come out the other side.
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#7
(06-15-2017, 10:08 AM)LTCDAD Wrote: See if you get get hold of a copy of this book

Dad, Win Without A Lawyer - While Rediscovering Your Soul
CAREY LINDE

Your children are going to have two homes, and receive as much nurture and love as possible in each of those homes. Rational mothers know this and support their children having two homes, encouraging bonds with each parent. Mothers with personality disorders, or who are emotionally imbalanced, are incapable of understanding this.

Great paragraph and so very true
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#8
A big thank you to all for replying with advice and it's comforting and gives me strength to face the tough times ahead. It's a massive support knowing there's Dad's out there willing to help and to turn to.

I plan to start on court proceedings very soon and may well pay the forum a visit for further assistance. Thank you again.
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