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Mums the word
#1
Hi there, apologies if this is in the incorrect place.

Split up from my ex about a year ago. Had no issues in getting to see my 2 year old.
Have an agreement with them just now about getting her every 3 weekends.

The issue is my ex' mum. My ex won't speak to my directly which means everything has to go through her. Problem is she is controlling and is the one making this difficult.


I've recently messaged them to let them know they were sending my daughter down with dirty clothes. She accused me of lying and I quote "We have made it easy for you and that can change" effectively threatening me with daughter. I would love for her not to be involved in any way.

Just looking for some advice on the best steps to take here, Would this be worth while going all the way to court so I don't need to speak to her mum or mediation an appropriate middle step?

Any help or guidance would be much appreciated.

Cheers. All the best.
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#2
(06-14-2017, 07:27 PM)GlasgowDad Wrote: Hi there, apologies if this is in the incorrect place.

Split up from my ex about a year ago. Had no issues in getting to see my 2 year old.
Have an agreement with them just now about getting her every 3 weekends.

The issue is my ex' mum. My ex won't speak to my directly which means everything has to go through her. Problem is she is controlling and is the one making this difficult.


I've recently messaged them to let them know they were sending my daughter down with dirty clothes. She accused me of lying and I quote "We have made it easy for you and that can change" effectively threatening me with daughter. I would love for her not to be involved in any way.

Just looking for some advice on the best steps to take here, Would this be worth while going all the way to court so I don't need to speak to her mum or mediation an appropriate middle step?

Any help or guidance would be much appreciated.

Cheers. All the best.

YEP go to court as you will only have the ex in court not the family... can get rough but if your ex is taking guidance from her mum then the court has to ensure your ex has control....#

keep going and best of luck
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#3
Do you have parental responsibility for your daughter? If you do then please do not let them emotional blackmail or bully you by using your daughter. Stay calm and do not enter into a war of words with any of them.

Firstly, the clothes issue seems to be one we all experience, my ex would even send the kids in shorts when it was raining! I would advise you to get her a small wardrobe of clothes to maintain at your property, the courts will see this as a positive on you for addressing the issue.

Work out how much you can have your daughter and get a plan in action and start the court process, it sounds to me like you are dealing with a control freak so things are only going to get worse, best to get something legally binding in place now for the sake of you and your daughters legal right of access to you.
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#4
(06-15-2017, 06:39 AM)Goetia Wrote: Do you have parental responsibility for your daughter? If you do then please do not let them emotional blackmail or bully you by using your daughter. Stay calm and do not enter into a war of words with any of them.  

Firstly, the clothes issue seems to be one we all experience, my ex would even send the kids in shorts when it was raining! I would advise you to get her a small wardrobe of clothes to maintain at your property, the courts will see this as a positive on you for addressing the issue.

Work out how much you can have your daughter and get a plan in action and start the court process, it sounds to me like you are dealing with a control freak so things are only going to get worse, best to get something legally binding in place now for the sake of you and your daughters legal right of access to you.

I do yes. I am named on her birth certificate. 

I am planning on taking her out and buying her a new wardrobe this weekend to avoid the situation again.

I have her from a Saturday night til a Monday afternoon, 3 weekends out of 4. Which court order should I be applying for? From what I can see it says I need to attempt mediation first before doing so. Not sure if this is correct.

Thanks again
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#5
(06-15-2017, 08:36 AM)GlasgowDad Wrote:
(06-15-2017, 06:39 AM)Goetia Wrote: Do you have parental responsibility for your daughter? If you do then please do not let them emotional blackmail or bully you by using your daughter. Stay calm and do not enter into a war of words with any of them.  

Firstly, the clothes issue seems to be one we all experience, my ex would even send the kids in shorts when it was raining! I would advise you to get her a small wardrobe of clothes to maintain at your property, the courts will see this as a positive on you for addressing the issue.

Work out how much you can have your daughter and get a plan in action and start the court process, it sounds to me like you are dealing with a control freak so things are only going to get worse, best to get something legally binding in place now for the sake of you and your daughters legal right of access to you.

I do yes. I am named on her birth certificate. 

I am planning on taking her out and buying her a new wardrobe this weekend to avoid the situation again.

I have her from a Saturday night til a Monday afternoon, 3 weekends out of 4. Which court order should I be applying for? From what I can see it says I need to attempt mediation first before doing so. Not sure if this is correct.

Thanks again
Yes you will need to attempt mediation first, but you can go alone and explain that mediation won’t work for XY&Z and they can sign you off for court without going any further.
 
If that is what you have been doing then that is great, she has set a president for that routine so the courts will hopefully uphold that. You might want to also consider a plan of action for when she starts school so holidays are addressed, consider how Christmas should work maybe alternating it each year, access on her birthday for so many hours, access on your birthdays, access over Easter, access on father’s day etc. It is a lot to think of but the courts love to see your prepared with a plan that focuses on fair access rather than mudslinging.
 
Remember keep to the line all you want is fair access within an order to remove the risk of disruption for your daughter down the line, and you believe that getting this in place will help towards improving your communication and relationship with your ex which has another benefit for your daughter. Your focus is on her and her alone and not arguing or finding conflict with your ex.
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#6
Hi There Glasgow Dad Smile

Yes you do need to attempt mediation, however from what you say regarding your contact, you may actually LOSE contact, though this would not really be always the case.

A C100 would be your starting point, you can then invite to mediation, and then when it invariably fails, you can go to court with it for a Child Arrangements Order, detailing what you currently have, and what you would like, this could formalise it, you could also put in there a Prohibited Steps Order detailing that you would only like to deal with the mother.

Normally the C100 would get you 2 x Weekends/Month with one night midweek when you dont have her, so you would need to specify what you have at the moment, you could even say that you are just doing this to get it all done legally.

The cost for a C100 is £215 but can be lower if you are on benefits, or in some cases I think it could be free....
The opinions here are not that of Separated Dads, but merely a loving father who has been through the process and has come out the other side.
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#7
Brilliant guys. I'll get the mediation sorted and then as you have said when that fails I'll get the C100 sorted. I've had to move shifts in work and that to be able to get her more so hopefully that plays on my part as well.

I had no idea there was a prohibited steps order. The ex' mother is the main issue here which is a shame since I would never like to go down the court route for anybody. It would purely be so everything is legal.

Should have posted on here a lot sooner.
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#8
(06-14-2017, 07:27 PM)GlasgowDad Wrote: Hi there, apologies if this is in the incorrect place.

Split up from my ex about a year ago. Had no issues in getting to see my 2 year old.
Have an agreement with them just now about getting her every 3 weekends.

The issue is my ex' mum. My ex won't speak to my directly which means everything has to go through her. Problem is she is controlling and is the one making this difficult.


I've recently messaged them to let them know they were sending my daughter down with dirty clothes. She accused me of lying and I quote "We have made it easy for you and that can change" effectively threatening me with daughter. I would love for her not to be involved in any way.

Just looking for some advice on the best steps to take here, Would this be worth while going all the way to court so I don't need to speak to her mum or mediation an appropriate middle step?

Any help or guidance would be much appreciated.

Cheers. All the best.

The bad news for you is in a CMS case, it would be up to you to provide the cloths for contact. Therefore, what I would do is change them soon as you can, and send them back in the same cloths they came in.

While your ex doe not have to speck to you, she does need to have an alternative acceptable to you. Inform her that you no longer want to deal with her mum, as she does not have PR for the children, so in law she is nothing to do with this.

Your not getting the amount of Contact a court would give you, and as a result your not exceeding 52 nights a year, so your also paying more child support than you should.

You need to instruct Mediation, as to go to Court you need deadlock, no show or a Mediation agreement not to be followed.

If it suits your avaliablity, you want Friday till Sunday every 2 weeks, and either 1 week at Easter and Christmas and 2 weeks in the summer (plus a weekend) or half school holidays (6.5 weeks)
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#9
Honestly its not a message i would have sent to the ex's mother... what did you expect the response was going to be?
Pick your battles mate!

Solution is to wash the dirty clothes, buy some clothes for when she is with you ... problem sorted. (Try H&M or Zara for girls clothes ;-) - you know it but look for stuff than you can combine into several outfits so you have flexibility etc)

As for the ex's mum I quote Les Dawson (1970's 80's comedian for you youngsters!):
"Take my mother in law....

please just take her"
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#10
I know in hindsight I should have just left it but can't imagine to think if they're sending her out in clothes like that when shes not with me.

I've spoken to mediation and will get an appointment with them asap.

Only problem is I can't contact the ex to tell her I don't want to deal with her mum
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