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Could she turn him against me?
#1
I separated from my ex 3 years ago, our son who is now 5 was born with medical issues, though these are easily manageable.

Despite them moving 160 miles away, I have been travelling every weekend to spend time with him mostly at my ex's home which I provided for them. Initially this arrangement worked well with my ex allowing me to stay the night so I can spend the weekend with him. When I say the arrangement worked well I mean from a practical point of view, my ex would flit from being provocative and abusive (verbally) to pleasant at a moment's notice. I mostly ignored the provocations and no incidents occurred which required any intervention by any of the authorities.

We took a week's holiday on his 4th birthday, (bad idea), soon after I noticed my son started to decline outings, and my ex would constantly intervene in our play together. Over the next 6 months I would from time to time ask about the possibility of moving contact to my home so he can spend the night, she refused to discuss. When I found out that he stayed at her parents whilst she was away for the weekend I decided enough was enough. I instructed a lawyer and as a consequence my night's stay has since been stopped and I now go up and  spend all Sunday with him before heading home.

We have now had 2 court dates, Cafcass have recommended the use of a private social worker to mediate a solution to the impasse. This is about to start now. She is arguing I can't look after him, which is nonsense, I have looked after him when he was a tiny baby as I do on Sundays when she is out.

Since this stage has started my ex has increased her provocations putting a stop to all the games we play together, confiscating toys I have bought him and last week he pointed out that a car I bought him the week before which has been damaged. I asked him what happened and he wouldn't say so I pressed him again all he said was that was because he was naughty! I also noticed many missing toys which I bought him.

I also noticed that he recently started being a little aggressive, telling me that I told him something which was wrong (name of a dinosaur etc). Last time he did that I challenged his mum about it and she just said that more or less nothing to do with her, it's him. That is untrue as I have heard her rubbishing me before.

She hates the legal process as she hates not being in control. I wish I didn't have to do this but I know that if I hadn't I probably wouldn't be seeing him now. I have a great relationship with him and have done since day 1, (we play together the entire 8 hours I am there on Sundays), I am worried she could turn him against me which would be very hard to take. Could she?
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#2
Hi,

Yes and I have unfortunately seen this with a friend where contact has been stopped from one day to another. Case went to court and still is but he also still has no access to his child. There are no concerns whatsoever and everybody is saying that mum is the problem but still his case does not move forward.

The child has now been alienated to such a stage that she does not wish to see her daddy. Child is 8 years old.

In my own case my stepchild has been alienated from me and my family.

Without a shadow of a doubt does the resident parent have the power to alienate the child from its other half.

You can only fight, fight, fight and never give up.

F.
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#3
Yes - we are experiencing it right now. Child taken away for three weeks and returned as a different child. Contradicting himself and seeming confused. And he has lived with partner a third of the time since birth and for 9 years. And also because we had a week-end holiday and he had fun and it made her angry. Things were just improving and now she has stopped contact again. My Partner was confident his bond with his son was so strong it wouldn't happen - child is resisting but it's powerful stuff. A combination of brainwashing, filling their head with lies, promising them things on the day they are supposed to come to you - and witholding contact so they can carry out the process more effectively.

Important to get regular contact to try and keep some normality for child. The other important thing is - be gentle with child - even if he is aggressive. Disciplining them just reinforces in their mind that you are rejecting them as they are hurting and confused already. Try and be light and gentle and change the subject. So for example if he gets aggressive and says you got the dinosaur's name wrong. Say something like "Did I? Silly me" and then change the subject or distract him into doing something else.

I'm not sure where you're at with the legal process but probably best to apply for a Child Arrangements order asap and ask for an early interrim hearing in your application. You can still go to mediation while the process is going on.

You (or your Solicitor) need to think what to ask for. With the distance, would every other week-end work? My Partner bent over backwards to keep the ex onside for years, to avoid alienation, which meant us being treated like xxxx a lot of the time, but as long as contact happened regularly we put up with it. If mediation can help, that would be good. You want her to not wish to alienate your son. But if she wants to get rid of you she may do that so she doesn't have to have contact with you any more.

Have you had any change of circumstances recently? eg a new partner? Mothers sometimes try and prevent staying over contact or do alienation if they don't like the idea of you having family time with child and new partner.
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#4
(07-22-2017, 02:34 PM)Thanks Charlie7000No no new partner and nothing has changed.It was agreed at the last hearing to instruct a social worker who would try and achieve an agreement. This has been slow and painful, I think due to the distance involved the best I can get would be school holidays.I am maintaining regular contact (every weekend) and keeping the faithThanks for your input. Wrote: Yes - we are experiencing it right now.  Child taken away for three weeks and returned as a different child.  Contradicting himself and seeming confused.  And he has lived with partner a third of the time since birth and for 9 years.  And also because we had a week-end holiday and he had fun and it made her angry.  Things were just improving and now she has stopped contact again.   My Partner was confident his bond with his son was so strong it wouldn't happen - child is resisting but it's powerful stuff.  A combination of brainwashing, filling their head with lies, promising them things on the day they are supposed to come to you - and witholding contact so they can carry out the process more effectively.

Important to get regular contact to try and keep some normality for child.  The other important thing is - be gentle with child - even if he is aggressive.  Disciplining them just reinforces in their mind that you are rejecting them as they are hurting and confused already.  Try and be light and gentle and change the subject.  So for example if he gets aggressive and says you got the dinosaur's name wrong.  Say something like "Did I?  Silly me"  and then change the subject or distract him into doing something else.

I'm not sure where you're at with the legal process but probably best to apply for a Child Arrangements order asap and ask for an early interrim hearing in your application.  You can still go to mediation while the process is going on.

You (or your Solicitor) need to think what to ask for.  With the distance, would every other week-end work?  My Partner bent over backwards to keep the ex onside for years, to avoid alienation, which meant us being treated like xxxx a lot of the time, but as long as contact happened regularly we put up with it.  If mediation can help, that would be good.  You want her to not wish to alienate your son.  But if she wants to get rid of you she may do that so she doesn't have to have contact with you any more.

Have you had any change of circumstances recently?  eg a new partner?  Mothers sometimes try and prevent staying over contact or do alienation if they don't like the idea of you having family time with child and new partner.
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