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Can I Request Contact With My Estranged Teenage Daughter's Therapist?
#1
Hello everyone, I'm new here so I apologise if I've done anything wrong in posting this but I'm desperate.

My step daughter has not wanted to see my fiance for the last 2 years, apart from when she argued with her mum for a few months this time last year and she wanted to move in with us. We tried to make plans for her to move in after her exams, but not immediately as we live far away. She asked to spend the summer with us but something happened and we haven't had any contact since. She is in therapy, and today her mum told us that her therapist has instructed her to "100% respect her wishes for no contact", so he can't even send her a letter.

My idea is that we ask the ex to put us in contact with the therapist so that he can receive updates from them directly. This will allow him to feel involved and less isolated. My fiance is suicidal without his daughters, I am truly scared for him. If she agrees to give us the therapist's contact details, we will call and ask for updates about his daughter, and we will also ask for session for him. He needs to talk to someone anyway, but he also wants this therapist to know how seriously he desires reconciliation, and to dispell a teenage girls exaggerations, as he has never been anything but a fantastic father to her and doesn't deserve this. Hopefully this will result in the therapist eventually mediating a joint session with them. 

Is he entitled to updates from the therapist?
Could this lead to mediated reconciliation between them?
What if the mum refuses to cooperate?
Are there any other suggestions?

We believe that his ex has caused this rift by making the daughter choose between them and painting him as the devil, that little girl was utterly devoted to her father ever since she first opened her eyes to see him as mum was out of it. She told us she used to sit in a corner of her room crying looking at things he'd bought her because she missed him so much. She is very intelligent and her family used to bully her for reading books, our house is wall to wall literature. She belongs here with us and my fiance will die without her, she is EVERYTHING to him. Please help me. This can't be something we just have to put up with. I know she'll come back eventually but that doesn't make it any easier for him to wake up every morning and not know how she is or where she is or be able to have contact with her.

Please help us.
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#2
Are the father and the daughter resident in the UK?

What contact arrangements are currently in place regarding the daughter?

How old is the daughter?

Are there any other children involved, that is does your partner have other children with the ex?
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#3
Yes UK.

They went through the courts 10 years ago and he would see them every other weekend and one evening during the week and half the holidays but because of work the last few years he and his ex would be more flexible with their arrangements.

There are just the two girls and the other one is 14. He hasn't seen her either but she's not in therapy and mum recently said she'd said she might want to see him soon. She is just going along with the older one in my opinion and wasn't as close to dad before.

I just spoke to relate and they said no option other than courts. He doesn't want to do that. Family counselling would be ideal for the two of them.
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#4
Mediation might be of benefit, but mediation is usually between the parents rather than parent and child. Searching online would give you the nearest point of contact to you.

Whilst you believe the ex is at the route of your difficulties it could be something else that is causing the daughter to behave in this fashion. Teenage years are fraught with so many conflicts, both within the family unit and the world in general and it's always easy to blame a parent you feel is at fault.

If your partner holds parental responsibility then he is allowed to have a copy of his daughter's Medical records, and can be instigated in the first instance by writing to the surgery where the child is registered. This might elicit more information. This may include the contact details of the therapist if it's being done through the NHS.

Taking the whole issue back to court is an option but as the children involved are teenagers the court will take their views and wishes into consideration. This is assuming the oldest one is under 18.

Sadly he can't force his daughter to interact with him, but the court's only concern is the welfare of children, not the welfare of the parents. I know this sounds harsh but that's the way it is. Do you think your partner would benefit from some personal counseling as well as pursuing the issues regarding his daughter and their relationship separately?
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#5
Thank you. He would never have gone to counselling before but if he thinks it might actually help get her back he will do anything and I'm truly scared that he will kill himself if one more thing happens, if he doesn't get this job he's gone for or if the littler girl says something. One more thing and I don't know what he'll do. So yes I'd like to send him to counselling.

The daughter, who is 16, has decided she wants to deal with her problems with professionals, by having therapy, and I want them to attempt to reconcile through professionals because the ex doesn't want him back in her life because she knows that eventually the daughter will realise that she's been trying to separate them her whole life and hold it against her. It seemed in my head that if she's having therapy, maybe Dad can have therapy too and eventually they can have it together and work through their problems and build a strong lifelong relationship instead of just waiting and hoping and eventually her changing her mind and dad just having to go along with it. I'm scared that the therapist doesn't know how desperate dad is or maybe that he even wants to reconcile. I've asked the ex to tell the therapist that he would like the same updates she's getting. Maybe he can write a letter to the therapist? He's going to write letters to both girls and mum said she'd keep the older daughters safe until she changes her 100% no contact rule. I need to look after my man otherwise I don't know what will happen and I need him.
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