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maintenance demands potentially causing bankrupsy
#1
Evening all, 

Any advice or direction would be much appreciated as I am stuck with being told seek legal advice from friends and family.

The short questions are :
- who decides how much i should give to ex in maintenance?
- and can she force an amount about csa recommendations that will bankrupt me in the process...?

Scenario
Never married and have 2 children to same person, no affairs  on my part but proof of her infidelity later on in relationship and was her decision to separate.

All arrangements were made amicably on splitting 3 years ago.... and until last week we had an amicable relationship where finances, education, life and bringing kids up could be discussed openly. 

However she now wants everything done via email and is removing any non-financial elements from the relationship and taking what seems like legal advice in her communications i.e. "I am considering your offer of support and will get back to you with my answer".

I have my kids everyweek for half the week, i have never missed any maintenance payments and the amount i pay is over the csa recommended amounts anyway.
I have my kids in half all hols and also through the year to support their mums work requirements.
(So i am present all the time).

She (out of the blue) has demanded twice the amount I currently pay now, and i havent had any payrise i know about or change in circs.

This will amount to 3x the csa recommended amount. 

If she can force her request she will force me into financial difficulty and potential bankrupcy as this is simply unsustainable.  I will also lose my job as i work in a finance sector so any negative credit entries are deemed gross misconduct. 

I am not secretly trying to avoid any payments....I am happy to continue to pay about recommended amount but am trying to understand whether as a mum she can effectively force payment of any amount she sees fit...... Something tells me she can't however i hear of stories where people are forced?

Any thoughts or advice are greatly appreciated.

If it helps, her costs have not risen to a level that she needs that amount she just wants a more expensive lifestyle with new cars, designer clothes and holidays.

I live in a cheap 3 bed and drive a cheap old car and have little to no disposable income as it all goes to her so you can hopefully see my frustration.

Many thanks in advance..
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#2
That my friend...will be a no from you.

If you want to sort this out then do it sooner rather than later.
Firstly the CSA does not exist anymore lets get that out there.
Its now the Child Maintenance Service. I would seriously get a case started with them as it sound in reality as if you are being mugged off and vastly overpaying.
You only need to pay what the CMS state and that is it!

She cannot force any amount out of you other than what the CMS state. https://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance go there and calculate your rough assessment. It does go however based on your Gross Taxable Income from last year, or any of the previous tax years if last year is not available.

But your first starting point is getting a case with them paying your £20 to do so. as the first step calculate roughly what you would expect to pay on that calculator and reassure yourself, that no matter what, she cannot DEMAND anymore than CMS state whatsoever, unless it was by way of a court order for some inane reason.

Go sort out a case, and then come back with some news
Advice & opinions on this forum are offered informally, without any assumption of liability. Use your own judgment. Seek advice of a qualified and insured professional.
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#3
This.

Oh. Quote didn't work. Lol
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#4
(07-21-2017, 07:02 PM)Drew65 Wrote: That my friend...will be a no from you.

If you want to sort this out then do it sooner rather than later.
Firstly the CSA does not exist anymore lets get that out there.
Its now the Child Maintenance Service. I would seriously get a case started with them as it sound in reality as if you are being mugged off and vastly overpaying.
You only need to pay what the CMS state and that is it!

She cannot force any amount out of you other than what the CMS state. https://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance go there and calculate your rough assessment. It does go however based on your Gross Taxable Income from last year, or any of the previous tax years if last year is not available.

But your first starting point is getting a case with them paying your £20 to do so. as the first step calculate roughly what you would expect to pay on that calculator and reassure yourself, that no matter what, she cannot DEMAND anymore than CMS state whatsoever, unless it was by way of a court order  for some inane reason.

Go sort out a case, and then come back with some news


Thank you for such a quick reply.

It seems such a shame that the best way to handle it is to start a more formal arrangement as you'd expect adults could be sensible for sake of the kids... however it makes perfect sense to get a 3rd party involved and to formalise any financials ... 

I will update as soon as I know... many thanks
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#5
(07-21-2017, 07:14 PM)splreece Wrote:
(07-21-2017, 07:02 PM)Drew65 Wrote: That my friend...will be a no from you.

If you want to sort this out then do it sooner rather than later.
Firstly the CSA does not exist anymore lets get that out there.
Its now the Child Maintenance Service. I would seriously get a case started with them as it sound in reality as if you are being mugged off and vastly overpaying.
You only need to pay what the CMS state and that is it!

She cannot force any amount out of you other than what the CMS state. https://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance go there and calculate your rough assessment. It does go however based on your Gross Taxable Income from last year, or any of the previous tax years if last year is not available.

But your first starting point is getting a case with them paying your £20 to do so. as the first step calculate roughly what you would expect to pay on that calculator and reassure yourself, that no matter what, she cannot DEMAND anymore than CMS state whatsoever, unless it was by way of a court order  for some inane reason.

Go sort out a case, and then come back with some news


Thank you for such a quick reply.

It seems such a shame that the best way to handle it is to start a more formal arrangement as you'd expect adults could be sensible for sake of the kids... however it makes perfect sense to get a 3rd party involved and to formalise any financials ... 

I will update as soon as I know... many thanks

The problem with formal agreements is that the Resident Parnet is in a no lose situation. The CMS result is known in advance, so they either get a better deal, or put CMS in.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#6
(07-21-2017, 07:02 PM)Drew65 Wrote: That my friend...will be a no from you.

If you want to sort this out then do it sooner rather than later.
Firstly the CSA does not exist anymore lets get that out there.
Its now the Child Maintenance Service. I would seriously get a case started with them as it sound in reality as if you are being mugged off and vastly overpaying.
You only need to pay what the CMS state and that is it!

She cannot force any amount out of you other than what the CMS state. https://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance go there and calculate your rough assessment. It does go however based on your Gross Taxable Income from last year, or any of the previous tax years if last year is not available.

But your first starting point is getting a case with them paying your £20 to do so. as the first step calculate roughly what you would expect to pay on that calculator and reassure yourself, that no matter what, she cannot DEMAND anymore than CMS state whatsoever, unless it was by way of a court order  for some inane reason.

Go sort out a case, and then come back with some news



Well that was an interesting experience... contacted CMS.... it is definitely not designed for neutral thinking..i dont get the figure of the actual assessment until the ex is contacted, plus any disagreement over nights amounts and they take the mothers side and i have to provide proof by way of a signed timecard from the mum..

so i am automatically treat like a dead beat dad.... what a horrible experience...... they also recommended I consider the forced payments route........... i actually had to ask them "if i am the one that is paying, and i havent missed a payment, and i am the one who is logging a cms case.... why would i want to intentially add 20% to ensure i pay....... doesn't make sense".


what a wholly ineffective process... whatever the end figure is.. i hope it was worth it like...


definitely sound advice so i am glad it was offered and ii took it ...but what a horrible procedure you have to go through...
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#7
ITs heartbreaking isnt it?
I know...so ...go have a a good scream, kick the cat/dog/goldfish...have a beer and then start another day...I feel your pain as do many others on here...

Welcome to the scumbag, deadbeat, non paying, separated dads club...you get a gold star for staying on the phone that long without swearing and getting cut off!.. Smile
Advice & opinions on this forum are offered informally, without any assumption of liability. Use your own judgment. Seek advice of a qualified and insured professional.
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#8
They must be a bit hard up as the collect and pay is where they make their money.

A signed by Mum time card. WTF! First I’ve heard of that and pretty sure it isn’t the right way of doing things. Not on!
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#9
(07-24-2017, 05:43 PM)Drew65 Wrote: ITs heartbreaking isnt it?
I know...so ...go have a a good scream, kick the cat/dog/goldfish...have a beer and then start another day...I feel your pain as do many others on here...

Welcome to the scumbag, deadbeat, non paying, separated dads club...you get a gold star for staying on the phone that long without swearing and getting cut off!.. Smile

Ahh well if anyone has any merchandise, i may buy and wear with pride....

The laughable bit about my situation (aside the deadbeat part)....

.. is that i've only just got a new job and new payrise... which the ex knows about.... and now (potentially in my favour), CMS base the assessment on my p60, so unless i contest or she successfully contests.... she will actually get less that i was originally paying her anyway as CMS will base the figure on last years earnings.


ohh one question which they didn't want to answer...... as part of the guidance, they said that if she doesn't accept the terms, that i should put the money to one side incase she accepts in future........


......does that mean that now CMS are involved, i shouldn't make ANY payments until she agrees with the amounts (in a sense holding her money to ransom).......

thats the impression i got from CMS, which seams.....errr..... a little callas....

(07-24-2017, 06:06 PM)Hazy Wrote: They must be a bit hard up as the collect and pay is where they make their money.

A signed by Mum time card. WTF! First I’ve heard of that and pretty sure it isn’t the right way of doing things.  Not on!



### yeah i couldn't believe it when he was talking.... Huh Huh Huh

funny thing is... it must be all scripted..... none of it made sense.... guess thats why courts are used as they must look at the situation properly and not just assume....grrr
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#10
Yes...keep it behind, do not pay until you have all the letters and go ahead its all been set up
Advice & opinions on this forum are offered informally, without any assumption of liability. Use your own judgment. Seek advice of a qualified and insured professional.
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