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Refusing access, now at court
#1
My partner and I split in Feb 2015. We have two kids , girl aged nine and a boy aged six. I am on the birth certificate. We lived within five miles of each other and I used to have them over to mine every weekend. I've met someone else and so has she. She has moved four hundred miles away with her new partner and since she moved I have had no contact with my kids. I have not seen them since November 2015. She refused to say where they were living or what school they were at.She played games, not answering her phone or saying the kids don't want to speak to me. She promised I could see them at Christmas and pulled the plug at the last minute. she is a complete control freak who thinks she can get away with this. I went to court to get some contact . She responded by saying I had hurt my little girl by pulling her upstairs and locking her in a room. In fact I told my little girl off for shutting her brothers hand in a door and making him cry. She has exaggerated this so much that it's her excuse to cease all contact. First hearing was adjourned for Cafcass reports. That came back saying they had no concerns and they have recommended that the kids should have unsupervised contact with me, and the rest of the familyTheir report also mentioned that the kids seemed to have been coached in their answers when they were interviewed. Anyway, went to court for a second hearing in front of the judge. She claimed that my kids hate me and my little boy was terrified that I would be outside the school one day. I told her it would be hard because I don't know where they live. The judge asked if she would step outside with me and try to come to an arrangement. She blatantly refused and pissed the judge off so much he said " I have tried to resolve this today Miss XXXXXX, but you clearly are not willing. I am now going to pass this to another court and they WILL make an order. I have to warn you that you will not like that order".
I have represented myself, with my Dads help and don't know what the difference in this court will be. Cafcass has been called to give evidence. I know that my ex will ignore the judge anyway, and carry on poisoning the kids, as she has for the last six moths. I have missed Christmas and both their birthdays. It's driving me nuts. And true to form, I have not had her statement with one day to go to court.
What could happen if she fails to appear, or appears but continues to ignore the court?
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#2
Hi GrantN, welcome.

She can be ordered before the court and dealt with accordingly. Contempt of court is taken rather seriously....no judge likes to look a fool.

Ultimately, if she continues then it's not beyond the realms of possibility that you'd be awarded a residence order in your favour.
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#3
(06-13-2016, 12:54 PM)Norfolk n Good Wrote: Hi GrantN, welcome.

She can be ordered before the court and dealt with accordingly. Contempt of court is taken rather seriously....no judge likes to look a fool.

Ultimately, if she continues then it's not beyond the realms of possibility that you'd be awarded a residence order in your favour.

We do not want anything on here what might identity you or your ex, but this 400 miles might mean other areas of law come into this. Can you confirm a general area your in (county will be enough) and where your ex moved to. If its Scotland or Ireland, other issues might come into this.

Excessive travailing for contact costs might come into it also, with regard to child support, as shes created the situation.

It might be ordered that she has to make either 1, or both trips for collecting or returning the children.

Regarding your ex, if she fails to appear an order will still be made.

If she fails to keep the the terms of the order, then if your both in the UK, the legal action would be an "Application for Enforcement", where she would get a ticking off, fine or unpaid work.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#4
I'm in the Deep South West and she has moved to Lincoln. So far, both court appearances have been there because she moved it up there. The court date is Wednesday, and I still haven't had sight of her statement. I thought I needed to see that to question her in court? I'm paying her up to £400 per month, even though she told Cafcass I wasn't. I provided them with my bank statements. I know she's playing a game. I accept the distance is a problem, but I really don't know how I'm going to get back into the kids lives after she has poisoned them since she moved. I've got all their Christmas presents on their beds still.

I'll ring the court tomorrow. Can they hear in her absence? If yes I will book accommodation now.

Thanks for reading this
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#5
(06-13-2016, 07:04 PM)GrantN Wrote: I'm in the Deep South West and she has moved to Lincoln. So far, both court appearances have been there because she moved it up there. The court date is Wednesday, and I still haven't had sight of her statement. I thought I needed to see that to question her in court? I'm paying her up to £400 per month, even though she told Cafcass I wasn't. I provided them with my bank statements. I know she's playing a game. I accept the distance is a problem, but I really don't know how I'm going to get back into the kids lives after she has poisoned them since she moved. I've got all their Christmas presents on their beds still.

I'll ring the court tomorrow. Can they hear in her absence? If yes I will book accommodation now.

Thanks for reading this
So we only have UK law, and the fact that the children as currently in Lincoln area puts their County Court as the correct place for this to be heard.

What does it say on your Order to attend, is it directions, finding of fact, dispute resolution or a Final Hearing?

The lack of statement depends on what was ordered. Was she told to serve it on you? If so you need to make that known to the Judge. If she has just filed it at court and not you when ordered, you have grounds for the case to be put back 2 weeks.

The distance problem has been created by her. My position would be staying contact every 2 weeks, from school on a Friday perhaps. By the time you get to your house, its bed time. I would be asking for her to have to collect the children at about lunchtime (only due to the travelling time). The courts can not order on offsetting costs on Child Support, but if you have to take them back, you can.

I would also be asking for up to have school holidays, and given the distance, extending or starting early than normal weekend 1 week school holidays on the Wednesday, and for 2 week holidays a 1 week block. In the summer, up to 3 weeks in a block.

Any money changing hands is not considered by the court (except in the case of none payment where CSA or now CMS are involved).

How did you come up with £400 per month Child Support. Normal is your income considered, then as no other dependent children currently, just amount of staying contact comes into it. Check out http://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance

Then consider that for tax, HMRC allow 45 p per mile up to 10,000 then 25 p per mile for business use, so depending on travel arrangements, as she moved 400 miles away, you want a reduction in Child Support due to excessive travel costs.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#6
This a final hearing. The last order stated our statement should be submitted by the first, which I did. Throughout all this I have requested reasonable contact. I know the distance is a problem , but I am trying to reach a compromise. She is just frustrating this at every turn. At the last hearing she said she was now pregnant. I just know that she will use this along the way to delay and frustrate, if it's true. When we first got together after a year apart she told me she had had twins, which were mine. She told me one had died and the other given up for adoption. I believed her. Now I've found out it was all made up. Nine years thinking of all that, and it was a lie. That's the sort of person I'm dealing with. Pure evil.
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#7
(06-14-2016, 09:03 AM)GrantN Wrote: This a final hearing. The last order stated our statement should be submitted by the first, which I did. Throughout all this I have requested reasonable contact. I know the distance is a problem , but I am trying to reach a compromise. She is just frustrating this at every turn. At the last hearing she said she was now pregnant. I just know that she will use this along the way to delay and frustrate, if it's true. When we first got together after a year apart she told me she had had twins, which were mine. She told me one had died and the other given up for adoption. I believed her. Now I've found out it was all made up. Nine years thinking of all that, and it was a lie. That's the sort of person I'm dealing with. Pure evil.

I think your going to have to attend the court, and tell the Judge that shes not served you with her statement, and even if it turned up today or she puts it in your hand at court, its to close to the hearing now.

If she does not show, it might be heard, just considering your position.

If she does turn up, there is a small chance the case will run, just considering your position,  but the chances are the Judge will give her a new date for a statement to be served on you by, or face the consequences!!!!

The Judge might also invite you both to try to come to an agreement, what he/she will then turn into an order.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#8
Thanks so much for all the advice, you've put my mind at rest. Court tomorrow and see what surprises she springs on me then! There's absolutely no chance of her agreeing to contact, so I can see this going to more appearances until she gets some sort of penalty. And all the time the kids are still not getting contact with their dad or the rest of the family.
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#9
Right. Attended court. Went in front of magistrates. She kept interrupting and being a general pain. Sent out with Cafcass to sort contact. As expected, the ex just kept sniping and refusing to come to an agreement. Back in front of the mags, she kept interrupting and arguing she was adamant the kids hate me, don't want to see me, she's pregnant and been in hospital, her new partner has his own business and can't help , and on and on and on. The judge finally said "It's not all about you, it's about the children, leave the court, break for lunch and we will make judgement."

Went in and the judge made an order: **th June 2016 , ***th August , and ****September 2016, meet at ********** and I have contact for 4 hours.

Then *** December 2016 , January, February , March, meet halfway and return the kids 48 hours later.

From end of March 2017 one overnight stay every month.

There shall be contact between the children and me via telephone or FaceTime/ Skype at least once a week. This must commence prior to the first meeting on **th June 2016.

The parties may vary terms by mutual consent.

Both parties shall maintain a communications book for the sole purpose of sharing info about the kids.

The ex must inform me which school the kids are at.

Attend a separated parents programme.

So, happy days, I think we are getting somewhere.

Tonight, I have tried to phone the children. The ex did not answer her phone but text me afterwards saying the kids are refusing to talk to me. I will try again tomorrow, but she clearly is still playing stupid games despite a dressing down in Court. She has no intention of letting me see the kids.

What do I do if she keeps this up? How do I get it back into Court ? On what form ?

Sorry if it's a ramble, but I just don't know how to get her to play ball
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#10
(06-16-2016, 08:36 PM)GrantN Wrote: Right. Attended court. Went in front of magistrates. She kept interrupting and being a general pain. Sent out with Cafcass to sort contact. As expected, the ex just kept sniping and refusing to come to an agreement. Back in front of the mags, she kept interrupting and arguing she was adamant the kids hate me, don't want to see me, she's pregnant and been in hospital, her new partner has his own business and can't help , and on and on and on. The judge finally said "It's not all about you, it's about the children, leave the court, break for lunch and we will make judgement."

Went in and the judge made an order: **th June 2016 , ***th August , and ****September 2016, meet at **********  and I have contact for 4 hours.

Then *** December 2016 , January, February , March, meet halfway and return the kids 48 hours later.

From end of March 2017 one overnight stay every month.

There shall be contact between the children and me via telephone or FaceTime/ Skype at least once a week. This must commence prior to the first meeting on **th  June 2016.

The parties may vary terms by mutual consent.

Both parties shall maintain a communications book for the sole purpose of sharing info about the kids.

The ex must inform me which school the kids are at.

Attend a separated parents programme.

So, happy days, I think we are getting somewhere.

Tonight, I have tried to phone the children. The ex did not answer her phone but text me afterwards saying the kids are refusing to talk to me. I will try again tomorrow, but she clearly is still playing stupid games despite a dressing down in Court. She has no intention of letting me see the kids.

What do I do if she keeps this up? How do I get it back into Court ? On what form ?

Sorry if it's a ramble, but I just don't know how to get her to play ball


Now you have a Court Order, she is expected to follow it. It appears to me that the arrangements are a bit vague on the telephone contact.

Keep the text, if your able to screen print on your phone do that, and back it up somewhere else.

Are you on a contract phone with itemised bills, if not, you need to screen print the attempt to call as well.  Due to how the order was made, until telephone calls fail for 7 days, just gather evidence you tried to.

On day 8, file an "Application for Enforcement".

She will soon get fed up with fines or unpaid work. At an Enforcement hearing, ask for the order to be changed to be set times, due to her not co operating with it.

Also, if the court decides she broke the terms of the order, ask the court to make an order she pays your court costs for enforcement.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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