06-13-2016, 05:43 PM
(This post was last modified: 06-13-2016, 05:44 PM by MPL.
Edit Reason: Explained what left over amount does not include
)
Hi all,
First-time poster here and I'm desperately in need of advice.
I've been married for 20 years, but in the last year my wife has decided that she has never been happy and so now we're talking about separation. I was prepared to put in the effort required to make it work initially, but I'm now so down-trodden I feel that separation is the only way forward.
My problem is what to propose financially to make separation possible. I'm quite willing to help out as much as I can, but I will not be made homeless and, as a 47 yr old man who has to work from home, I can't consider renting a room in a shared house. I need to find a 1/2 bed and, around these parts, that's £800pm minimum.
We have 6 kids (two adult) and I am the sole breadwinner and have been for our entire marriage. She doesn't have a trade or profession. Wife homeschools the youngest children, but that is increasingly becoming a very part-time effort for her. Gets disability benefit of about £70 pw because of an understanding doctor and very well-treated rheumatoid arthritis, but doesn't really struggle with walking, etc.
We have a house worth about £375,000 with a mortgage of £185,000 and a secured loan of approx £1,500 in joint names. There's also around £15,000 in unsecured debt in my name which I've struggled to pay and I'm now on a debt management plan. Work lease me a car (massive people carrier which only the wife uses) at a favourable rate but which still works out about £400 per month. On a total income of £2,976 per month there is less than £750 left over after all the regular bills are paid (not including food, petrol, etc.)
I have no family, and no friends I could go and stay with. What little inheritance I had went into paying the deposit on our first property. Wife has - get this - one of the UK's top family lawyers for a father (now retired) and a barrister for a brother-in-law. Affluent people. I can't help feeling that it's only a matter of time before I'm living in a tent and selling Big Issue.
But just on the off-chance that I can propose something that we can agree on, where should I start? How much can I sensibly retain from my wage-packet to rent a place and buy food before handing over the rest to her? And, given that she has no income, can she be forced to go out to work?
Sorry if this all seems scrambled, but it reflects my state of mind at the moment. If you have any advice or experience to share I'd really love to hear from you.
Thanks.
First-time poster here and I'm desperately in need of advice.
I've been married for 20 years, but in the last year my wife has decided that she has never been happy and so now we're talking about separation. I was prepared to put in the effort required to make it work initially, but I'm now so down-trodden I feel that separation is the only way forward.
My problem is what to propose financially to make separation possible. I'm quite willing to help out as much as I can, but I will not be made homeless and, as a 47 yr old man who has to work from home, I can't consider renting a room in a shared house. I need to find a 1/2 bed and, around these parts, that's £800pm minimum.
We have 6 kids (two adult) and I am the sole breadwinner and have been for our entire marriage. She doesn't have a trade or profession. Wife homeschools the youngest children, but that is increasingly becoming a very part-time effort for her. Gets disability benefit of about £70 pw because of an understanding doctor and very well-treated rheumatoid arthritis, but doesn't really struggle with walking, etc.
We have a house worth about £375,000 with a mortgage of £185,000 and a secured loan of approx £1,500 in joint names. There's also around £15,000 in unsecured debt in my name which I've struggled to pay and I'm now on a debt management plan. Work lease me a car (massive people carrier which only the wife uses) at a favourable rate but which still works out about £400 per month. On a total income of £2,976 per month there is less than £750 left over after all the regular bills are paid (not including food, petrol, etc.)
I have no family, and no friends I could go and stay with. What little inheritance I had went into paying the deposit on our first property. Wife has - get this - one of the UK's top family lawyers for a father (now retired) and a barrister for a brother-in-law. Affluent people. I can't help feeling that it's only a matter of time before I'm living in a tent and selling Big Issue.
But just on the off-chance that I can propose something that we can agree on, where should I start? How much can I sensibly retain from my wage-packet to rent a place and buy food before handing over the rest to her? And, given that she has no income, can she be forced to go out to work?
Sorry if this all seems scrambled, but it reflects my state of mind at the moment. If you have any advice or experience to share I'd really love to hear from you.
Thanks.