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Recently seperated
#1
HI All.

My wife of 7 years asked me to leave on the fathers day weekend, she was unhappy and felt like our marriage wasn't working. She basically refused to talk things over and will not work on things. I've lost my home, my wife who I though I'd spend the rest of my life with. I have seen my daughter at weekends, but I'm fearing she will use her against me. I'm finding everyday hard to get through, feeling low, angry, confused. I just dont know where my life is headed. I feel like I'm the one that has to pick all the pieces up. I'm trying my best to just get on with things but this is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. The more I have tried to reason the more I push my wife away. I don't think there is any hope. I know I need to look after myself but I feel like the pain is taking over my life and need to feel happy again.

Thanks
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#2
Hey

You've come to a good place, been lurking a while myself then signed up as I was struggling with ups n downs on a daily basis. It's helped me by doing it already.

I recognise your pain, many here will my friend. im a little further along the process than you and it's still tough so prepare for a long road with many bumps and troughs to negotiate, but you'll get there!

First things first try not to worry about where your life is headed for now, that time will come. Try and focus on the here and now and getting yourself active busy and social. You've made a positive step already by posting on here. Talk to people, take up new things. This will put you in a better mindset.

Also try and maintain that relationship you have with your daughter, make those times fun for her and you. Be amicable with your wife, there's nothing you can do to change her mind, all you can do is change you for the better.

When you've done this you'll be ready to map out the path of life going forward! Keep posting and best of luck my friend!
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#3
Just about everyone here has survived divorce or separation. You too can be one of us in the months ahead.

It is survivable. Totally.

However when you’re in that moment where everything is upside down it is hard to see beyond it. This is where you are right now. Think of it as a series of steps , this is the first , the second will be a little better as will the next and so on.

Make sure you remain in contact with your daughter. Go to court if necessary and enforce when needed.
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#4
Thanks for the replies. Most appreciated. I'm trying to take each day as it comes. Not sure if counselling would help me. I think I need to find a new hobby. All of my free time was spent with my family. My parents have been kind enough to let me stay with them. I would like to get my own place eventually but I think it might be a good idea to let the dust settle. I see my daughter at weekends and would like her to stay with me eventually but she's never stayed away from her mother and im not going to force her. Thanks
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#5
If you are really struggling with the down days and dont have a vast support network then yeah go see your GP or get in with a private counsellor. Even just visiting my GP was the first step in the right direction for me - he even said I havent even got your height or weight on record you dont come here often do you, what can I say Im a bloke haha!! Got a counselling session lined up which im looking forward to. Im still a long way off being myself again but im making steps in the right direction.

Definitely find a new hobby, get a couple. Although I used to run and keep fit i slacked off that for a while but ive signed up to do the local parkrun on saturday morning and been out walking weather permitting this last week or two. Join a gym if you dont already, exercise will not only make you feel better but increase your confidence and get you busy for an hour or two each morning/evening. Fill your time with social outings whenever possible also.

Id advise not to rush into getting your own place just yet if you dont have to. As you say let the dust settle and get your plans into place first if your parents are willing to keep you up till you can.

Always try and push to see your daughter, as soon as you dont it will likely be used against you not caring etc. Be polite to her mother though when you are arranging any time with her.

Hope this helps you.
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