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Begin dating whilst separated
#1
Hi everyone,

Just want some advice on where I'd be both ethically and legally on beginning dating again whilst separated but not divorced. What would you guys do/did??

In a nutshell the wife hit me with the I want to be on my own, I'm fed up, love but not in love, it's your fault, don't know what I want, mid life crisis etc etc 3 months ago. After trying to save the relationship to no avail she moved out the home with 3 yr old lad 6 weeks ago. Things have deteriorated to the point that there is no conversation now other than formalities and I'm expecting divorce papers any day now. I suspect there may be someone else on her part due to her behaviours in the early days of this but have no proof - yet.

I feel like I need and want to be looking to move on and begin dating again and enjoying female company. I haven't done anything not even message a woman in this time out of respect for the marriage as to me unless I get papers served I'm still married and faithful, but I'm expecting them any day now so would this be a good ethical / legal thing to do in light of the upcoming divorce/financial/custody battles???
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#2
Well...
Legally, unless you are divorced, it would technically be adultery if you had intercourse with someone other than your wife.

IF you want to go to the technicality then dont until your Decree absolute is in.
Reason,technically, is that if she found out, she can, within six months of gaining proof and being able to provide it, site you on divorce as the adulterer. If proven the case is clear cut and done deal.
Other than that its unreasonable circumstances and then its years of battling for the papers to be signed if either one of you wont sign!
If that were the case you'd need to wait 5 years to get a divorce without the other parties permission!
If you both sign then its dependant on how the grim spoils are divided up and the other financial battles etc on how quick it is.
I just signed everything because i wanted the witch out of my life fast, and even then it took 18 months, two nervous breakdowns , caseloads of jack daniels and more prozac than I could handle.

Non technically and non legally, there is nothing stopping you doing what you want. I won't condone you going off dating as I need to remain neutral. HOWEVER...when my absolute came in, I was like a dog on heat for about 6 months until i got it out my system.

Only you can answer the question of ethics my friend, as you are the only one who knows where the relationship stands as it is now.

Anyone else can have an opinion on it, but not the answer
Advice & opinions on this forum are offered informally, without any assumption of liability. Use your own judgment. Seek advice of a qualified and insured professional.
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#3
Thanks man.

Ethically she ended the relationship and I have evidence saying as much. She has even said go do what you want I don't care (not the full truth I'm led to believe by mutual source). I still stand by my decision to be faithful to the end but for her it's done and divorce papers are in the post.

It's like a fine line man, I feel it's what I need to do to get me out the rut I'm in and truly on the road to being happy again but I also feel trapped until I have the absolute in my hands by 1. My own ethics and 2. I'm aware she wants me to do this to affirm her decision was correct and use against me.

Aghhh. Gonna stick it out I think, least for now, I can keep my head held high that way, what my core value is.
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#4
(07-26-2017, 10:35 PM)Danno Wrote: Thanks man.

Ethically she ended the relationship and I have evidence saying as much. She has even said go do what you want I don't care (not the full truth I'm led to believe by mutual source). I still stand by my decision to be faithful to the end but for her it's done and divorce papers are in the post.

It's like a fine line man, I feel it's what I need to do to get me out the rut I'm in and truly on the road to being happy again but I also feel trapped until I have the absolute in my hands by 1. My own ethics and 2. I'm aware she wants me to do this to affirm her decision was correct and use against me.

Aghhh. Gonna stick it out I think, least for now, I can keep my head held high that way, what my core value is.

Most women will be wary of dating someone who has just seperated.
You will need to be deliberately vague about timelines.

Also avoid if possible talking about/slagging off  your ex  as it is a real turn off.
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#5
Yeah i agree with that 100% when dating new women.

I think its the loneliness kicking in when i think about it logically, have a lot of time on my hands now which I'm slowly trying to fill, but do miss a lot of the couples and family things I did when things were fine. Its not so much the dating and meeting a new girlfriend Im concerned about probably just talking to new people over a drink or meal & do some mutual interests kinda thing is what I'm really looking for at this point.

Been a decade since i went on a date with anyone other than my wife! It now seems like an ever judgmental dating world with all this internet dating everywhere, anyone got any advice and experiences on this in recent times?? Apparently everyones on it now...
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#6
Self Help: "Find me first"......

Its easy to rebound and I know what my head is saying. "FIND SOMEONEEEE!"

My heart though, is saying find yourself. Remember who I am. You can find friends, people to speak to. It dosn't have to be a date, or go anywhere. More give you a chance to socialise again.

I personally I am not going to even think about this. I just want to be me again - maybe you should think the same.

Oh, and stay off the dating sites!
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#7
Even though I'm still waiting for the petition notice from her lawyer which is supposedly in the post, Im gonna see the process out to the end & wait for the absolute to come through I think. As i said once those vows were exchanged I promised to remain faithful to the end and I'll be proud of the fact I did probably more than having a rebound relationship which most likely wont last.

I got a lot to offer a potential partner but the thought of trawling through dating sites really doesnt appeal to me in all honesty I prefer meeting people in real life. But if everyones on it might be something to get involved in when the time comes hence asking for advice
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#8
Do it for you though, no one else. and only when your ready!
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#9
What’s the rush?

Time out can be good for the soul and a recovered person is probably a better partner for someone rather than a person carrying baggage and going through possibly a messy divorce.

Clear the decks then go and do your thing.
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#10
(07-27-2017, 10:40 PM)Hazy Wrote: What’s the rush?

Time out can be good for the soul and a recovered person is probably a better partner for someone rather than a person carrying baggage and going through possibly a messy divorce.

Clear the decks then go and do your thing.

+1
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