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help required divorce done life is pointless
#1
Don't know where to begin so Ill start by saying.  I am desperate for help I feel I am marking time until I die, so I was rather that was sooner rather than later.
In short I was divorced last year.
In the time between separation and divorce. I was falsely accused of
physical abuse against her
sexual abuse against my kids
being an alcoholic
smashing the place up
being schizophrenic .
and a Facebook hate campaign, to name just a few things
When social services had got the measure of her and worked out that this was a horrible concoction, constructed by her and her now jailed boyfriend six months had gone by.
The most i got was a flippant, 'Oh is there anyone that can support you ?' I was left emotionally shattered and discarded like a piece of rubbish
I did not see my children for four of those months (including Christmas)
It ultimately drove a wedge between my new partner and myself, although we are still the best of friends.
I was able to bury the thought of these horrible accusations, whilst I was in a relationship.
Now i live on my own I think about whats been done to me every waking minute
I've tried to form new relationships, but quite frankly screw them up because I try so hard. being early fifties time is not on my side
So I've decided to not bother, there are lots of nice people out there and I do not want to be responsible for wasting anyone else's time
So why exist ? I can never experience love again I have no trust left.
Yes its selfish, what would it do to others, I know the logical argument, but emotionally I can not take anymore, I have spent my whole life looking after and caring for people. 
I've tried an failed to finish things twice, I relish the though of just not waking
I'm out of ideas, I just want out
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#2
Wothless,

Please go and speak to your GP. He will be able to offer some guidance on how you can start to piece things together. There is always light at the end of the tunnel. You your, and I presume you can gain access to see them?

Judging by your post, you seem to have had a time of it. Understandable that you are low like this. Speak to a councillor though. If the accusations are false, then look at it like you won. Accept the fact that you won, and start to move on. Find yourself, be yourself. Don't try to jump into a relationship where you cant be you. It can only push you further down. A relationship should be two ways, of both people accepting who the other is. Not one person trying to hard to please the other.

There are always people out there that will accept you, and the honest you. Look for those people.
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#3
(07-27-2017, 01:42 PM)wothless Wrote: Don't know where to begin so Ill start by saying.  I am desperate for help I feel I am marking time until I die, so I was rather that was sooner rather than later.
In short I was divorced last year.
In the time between separation and divorce. I was falsely accused of
physical abuse against her
sexual abuse against my kids
being an alcoholic
smashing the place up
being schizophrenic .
and a Facebook hate campaign, to name just a few things
When social services had got the measure of her and worked out that this was a horrible concoction, constructed by her and her now jailed boyfriend six months had gone by.
The most i got was a flippant, 'Oh is there anyone that can support you ?' I was left emotionally shattered and discarded like a piece of rubbish
I did not see my children for four of those months (including Christmas)
It ultimately drove a wedge between my new partner and myself, although we are still the best of friends.
I was able to bury the thought of these horrible accusations, whilst I was in a relationship.
Now i live on my own I think about whats been done to me every waking minute
I've tried to form new relationships, but quite frankly screw them up because I try so hard. being early fifties time is not on my side
So I've decided to not bother, there are lots of nice people out there and I do not want to be responsible for wasting anyone else's time
So why exist ? I can never experience love again I have no trust left.
Yes its selfish, what would it do to others, I know the logical argument, but emotionally I can not take anymore, I have spent my whole life looking after and caring for people. 
I've tried an failed to finish things twice, I relish the though of just not waking
I'm out of ideas, I just want out

Ok...ready for the ride?

got married at 21. had a kid ...kid died from cot death at 4 months
had another kid, she diagnosed with leukemia at 2 year old, spent 5 years in treatment.
Wife was a physically abusive alcoholic who turns out had been abused as a child herself.

Suffered black eyes, broken ribs, broken fingers, stab wounds, shard of porcelain removed from cheek and eye after she smashed plate on my head.
Never once struck her back
She tried to come of the booze but couldnt. Ruined my military career had to leave.
Daughter then ok had son. Son contracted meningitis survived by thread of life! 
Wife emotionally abusive now, and 9the sex had dried up. She thought I was fancying someone else, could just about muster a boner as I was so tired working away a lot. 
got great jobs well paid, she squandered money, got into debt.

she had affair, I forgave her after 12 years of marriage
had another son, 
after 20 years of marriage she fell pregnant, problem was I had the snip 6 years before! couldnt lie her way outta that
rift grew massive between us
she started drinking again
violence started again
she was spending lots of time round a friends who was going through divorce

Turns out she was going "dogging" with random dirty blokes in the New Forest

Went through her computer, found out she was escorting for money in my bed, when I was working away. First answer to me finding out" why are you on my computer" !!!!
Went and got checked for any signs of diseases - clear

Packed bags and walked out, couldnt take the thought my wife was in reality, a whore!

she claimed in CSA
She files for divorce
Through the divorce itself found out she had put over £35,000 in credit cards down on my name, (nearly finished paying all that) and had been creaming off my business accounts to the sum of 3,000.
Judge awarded her half of military pension
She gets off with sod allI keep the debts
Spiralled
Lost house
Drinking

Drugs
overdose
suicide attempt 
lived in van for 2 months
Nervous breakdown

Found out first child wasn't mine as I was away on military service

Second suicide attempt

second nervous breakdown
Sectioned admitted to the priory

Months in rehab and counselling and god knows what else.

Came out the S**t storm I was going through survived!!
Met a woman moved in, she had 5 kids....she rolled me for loads of money and left me 11,000 in debt
Felt like I hadn't learnt my lesson tried suicide again.

stayed at a friends in the country on a farm for 2 years and reconstructed my whole life, came out way better than went in

Shagged myself stupid for 6 months...me a 48 year old doing that eh...got it out my system I was a free agent.
Felt dirty and didnt like myself
Went dating proper

Met my now wife
Happy
Good job

and here I am

And you know what!!!!

I am SO glad I dint finally cut my wrists......so glad I couldnt stomach the 100 pills i found with a bottle of Jack daniels and puked everywhere.
I am so glad I got sectioned and went through what I did, because it made me realise I owe no one nothing...............except myself.

I made myself who I am and I owe myself the dignity of coming through it all and saying I did it!!!

NO ONE except my wife and brother know this story.

And now you all do

because suicide will only piss you off, for the fleeting moment you do the deed. Because once you have done it, there's only a few chances to come back. 
Karma is setting you up for all the baloney and Bulls**t ...why, because its what makes us human and keep the ability to survive on go on in life, thats why I have told you all this story!

Commit suicide ...and all it does is fills the funeral directors pockets with silver....

The emotional fall out can't be measured my friend, and just think on, that anyone that you have come into contact in your life, will be touched and will in some small way, miss you. be it the bloke in the corner shop or the woman at Tesco.
Just dont be thinking about that, think of getting through it all and coming out the other side...it will hurt it will be painful and there will be tears, snot and lots of other stuff.

But....after what I have gone through in my life the way it was destroyed, you can too. It wont be easy but you can do it!!
Advice & opinions on this forum are offered informally, without any assumption of liability. Use your own judgment. Seek advice of a qualified and insured professional.
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#4
^^ What drew said!!!

That's living proof right there it don't matter how bad it gets, someone has been there done it and got the damn story to tell from a much better place.

In today's world you still young my friend, most people don't know their arse from their elbow till their mid 30's nowadays, least you got some stories to tell and share. I guarantee you there is many many people thinking the same as you but more importantly many many people looking to find someone like yourself.
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