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what to do?
#1
After 9 years of marriage i finally caught my wife seeing someone behind my back (god it hurts), she has confessed she wants to be with him - they're seeing each other! she blames me for being unapproachable,unloving,unromantic, not giving her enough attention and "our marriage has been dead for years we are just together for the kids" - maybe it's true i am all those things without noticing it but i thought we where fine.
The big questions where do people go from here,what do they do? i asked her to move out - she won't even though she has broken up the family so I've got no choice but to move out - i'm in a full time job and a 2nd working some evenings but all my money is tied up in rent,bills,car etc - i would feel guilty just disappearing and leaving all that to her
I have a 14 year old troublesome step daughter who i know will come with me as she and mummy don't get on but my wife is adamant my 8 year old boy stays with her! (i don't want to do court battles - not yet) i want to keep it civil
So Basically what do i do? what has other people done? any advice or help please - struggling to get my head round this and can't think straight
I've accepted our marriage is over - i'm not gonna go and fight for her as it's clear she wants out, i still love her but i can't get over what she has done to me and the way she has done it so i truly feel there is no way back!
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#2
(07-28-2017, 05:56 AM)pricey2010 Wrote: After 9 years of marriage i finally caught my wife seeing someone behind my back (god it hurts), she has confessed she wants to be with him - they're seeing each other! she blames me for being unapproachable,unloving,unromantic, not giving her enough attention and "our marriage has been dead for years we are just together for the kids" - maybe it's true i am all those things without noticing it but i thought we where fine.
The big questions where do people go from here,what do they do? i asked her to move out - she won't even though she has broken up the family so I've got no choice but to move out - i'm in a full time job and a 2nd working some evenings but all my money is tied up in rent,bills,car etc - i would feel guilty just disappearing and leaving all that to her
I have a 14 year old troublesome step daughter who i know will come with me as she and mummy don't get on but my wife is adamant my 8 year old boy stays with her! (i don't want to do court battles - not yet) i want to keep it civil
So Basically what do i do? what has other people done? any advice or help please - struggling to get my head round this and can't think straight
I've accepted our marriage is over - i'm not gonna go and fight for her as it's clear she wants out, i still love her but i can't get over what she has done to me and the way she has done it so i truly feel there is no way back!

Regarding the 14 year old, unless you have PR for her that will not happen. In law you have no legal standing, unless she does at document to give you PR by agreement (and she can only do that if her real dad if alive is not objecting) or a Consent/Child Arrangements Order is made.

Your ex can still claim as a single person while your living in the same house, as long as your not sharing a bedroom. You just need to prove to the Benefits Agency/HMRC that your both paying your own way.

A decision need to be made ASAP on the Children, to get correct benefits in place.

I am going to need more detail on this, but nothing what will identify anyone involved in the case. If you can not do this on the forum, click on my ID and use Private Message or Email.

As the house is rented, your going to need to speck to the landlord to get it changed into one name. However, for Housing Benefit if one parent has both children, they will allow a claim for 3 bedrooms, but if you have 1 child each, they will limit the claim to be for 2 bedrooms.

If this is a Council House, the normal is one of you gives notice, and then they decide if the other can also stay, or if they also need to move them, if there is spare bedrooms.

http://www.entitltedto.co.uk  will give you an idea on how benefits will work. Child Support link is http://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance. If its one child each, then it will be 2 seperate stand alone cases.

If she does start to claim as a single person while you both share a house, then you only have to pay your way, and if your claiming for any of the children, then you would have to pay their way also. Therefore Utiliy bills you would pay 30-35% if just you, half if you have one of the children.

You need to look at things like contacts for TV Services, Broadband etc what are you in your name, and see when you can end them if moving out, or see if your ex will take over the contract. Make sure you inform Council Tax when you move out, and check the final bill is paid.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#3
Don’t worry about her blaming you. It’s normal.

Proper way to do things when you’re not happy is to break up then and only then maybe start a new relationship.

Might be worth looking at legal guardianship.

http://www.familylives.org.uk/advice/you...ip-orders/

MarkR will know if it is suitable or not.
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#4
(07-28-2017, 05:56 AM)pricey2010 Wrote: After 9 years of marriage i finally caught my wife seeing someone behind my back (god it hurts), she has confessed she wants to be with him - they're seeing each other! she blames me for being unapproachable,unloving,unromantic, not giving her enough attention and "our marriage has been dead for years we are just together for the kids" - maybe it's true i am all those things without noticing it but i thought we where fine.
The big questions where do people go from here,what do they do? i asked her to move out - she won't even though she has broken up the family so I've got no choice but to move out - i'm in a full time job and a 2nd working some evenings but all my money is tied up in rent,bills,car etc - i would feel guilty just disappearing and leaving all that to her
I have a 14 year old troublesome step daughter who i know will come with me as she and mummy don't get on but my wife is adamant my 8 year old boy stays with her! (i don't want to do court battles - not yet) i want to keep it civil
So Basically what do i do? what has other people done? any advice or help please - struggling to get my head round this and can't think straight
I've accepted our marriage is over - i'm not gonna go and fight for her as it's clear she wants out, i still love her but i can't get over what she has done to me and the way she has done it so i truly feel there is no way back!
Practical Steps 

Don't move out - however hard that seems
See a solicitor - they offer 30 mins free in a lot of cases.
Divorce her on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour before she divorces you.
It doesn't really matter who does it but it gives you the moral high ground and will show her you're serious.

Close joint bank accounts and get any joint credit cards off her.
Start getting all the info on pensions and life insurance.

Cut back on all unnecessary spending.

In terms of yourself - see here  about doing a 180 
Don't give her an excuse to get you out of the house.
Tell your friends,family  and boss at work. 
If you have trouble sleeping or concentrating see your GP about counselling. 
Don't try and blame yourself, you didn't make her cheat. It was her decision.
Try and be the best dad possible for the kids. They should be the most important things in your life, not her.
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