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Do I walk away?
#1
Hi

Broke up with ex 4 years ago. I had regular access to daughter until she found and got pregnant with her new fella. Then all contact was stopped and I was told I wasn't seeing daughter until I had gone through solicitors. Struggled with depression and didn't see her for almost 2 years due to ex moving and refusing to give address to send mediation papers too. She then wanted a divorce so was given address and applied for mediation. She refused mediation saying that she couldn't afford it, didn't have time and that it was too stressful for her to be in a room with me so went to court. Was awarded an order for phased contact through a contact centre and the building up to every other weekend plus a tea time visit.

Once we left the contact centre Ex hated this and would regularly send threats saying that she wanted all contact back at the centre (3 hours every other week) handovers would be a nightmare where she would have a go at me in front of daughter and ultimately refused to do them and would send her new partner.

I had a argument with my new partner which ended physically. Daughter was in the other room and I took her away from the situation. The next week I got a email from social services saying that daughter had gone into school saying I had hit her (daughter) and that no further contact should be made until investigated. (Daughter is 5 and often lies - which ex denies)

Investigation completed and truth came out that I didn't hit daughter but was arguing with new partner so agreed to keep daughter out of the way until I had resolved things with partner. SS deemed no further action required however ex used this to say I was aggressive towards her and got her social worker to agree that her completing handovers made her anxiety worse and she referred daughter for art therapy 4 months earlier citing that my influence was making her aggressive (bearing in mind that daughter had said F off the first time I met her and had been agressive from before I came back into her life)

Agreed with SS to return contact back to the centre as it had taken 6 weeks for the investigation to be completed. 6 sessions agreed with the contact centre and as far as I and the contact centre were concerned contact would go back to the order.

6 sessions completed and ex is refusing anything other than the contact centre saying daughter doesn't want to see me outside of it. Spoke to daughter who said she does want to see me outside of the but her mum will get "mad", at the last session daughter said she didn't want to see me outside of the centre as nana (ex mum) was making her a new bedroom for her to spend every other weekend there

I don't know what to do...
I feel like no one is listening to me, my ex is obviously manipulating my daughter against me and I can't do anything. The contact centre have seen how she is but have said that nothing is officially recorded during sessions. CAFCASS won't get involved unless I go back to court, my worry is that if I go back to court the judge will agree with ex due to SS report. Do I call SS and raise concern over" mum will get mad" comment  or just carry on with my 3 hours at the contact centre each week.

I don't know if enforcing the order would work as she believes and has backing that she is safeguarding daughter against me

I'm truely stuck and this is taking over my life, I just want a fair shot at being a dad
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#2
(08-08-2017, 12:27 AM)Joe1975 Wrote: Hi

Broke up with ex 4 years ago. I had regular access to daughter until she found and got pregnant with her new fella. Then all contact was stopped and I was told I wasn't seeing daughter until I had gone through solicitors. Struggled with depression and didn't see her for almost 2 years due to ex moving and refusing to give address to send mediation papers too. She then wanted a divorce so was given address and applied for mediation. She refused mediation saying that she couldn't afford it, didn't have time and that it was too stressful for her to be in a room with me so went to court. Was awarded an order for phased contact through a contact centre and the building up to every other weekend plus a tea time visit.

Once we left the contact centre Ex hated this and would regularly send threats saying that she wanted all contact back at the centre (3 hours every other week) handovers would be a nightmare where she would have a go at me in front of daughter and ultimately refused to do them and would send her new partner.

I had a argument with my new partner which ended physically. Daughter was in the other room and I took her away from the situation. The next week I got a email from social services saying that daughter had gone into school saying I had hit her (daughter) and that no further contact should be made until investigated. (Daughter is 5 and often lies - which ex denies)

Investigation completed and truth came out that I didn't hit daughter but was arguing with new partner so agreed to keep daughter out of the way until I had resolved things with partner. SS deemed no further action required however ex used this to say I was aggressive towards her and got her social worker to agree that her completing handovers made her anxiety worse and she referred daughter for art therapy 4 months earlier citing that my influence was making her aggressive (bearing in mind that daughter had said F off the first time I met her and had been agressive from before I came back into her life)

Agreed with SS to return contact back to the centre as it had taken 6 weeks for the investigation to be completed. 6 sessions agreed with the contact centre and as far as I and the contact centre were concerned contact would go back to the order.

6 sessions completed and ex is refusing anything other than the contact centre saying daughter doesn't want to see me outside of it. Spoke to daughter who said she does want to see me outside of the but her mum will get "mad", at the last session daughter said she didn't want to see me outside of the centre as nana (ex mum) was making her a new bedroom for her to spend every other weekend there

I don't know what to do...
I feel like no one is listening to me, my ex is obviously manipulating my daughter against me and I can't do anything. The contact centre have seen how she is but have said that nothing is officially recorded during sessions. CAFCASS won't get involved unless I go back to court, my worry is that if I go back to court the judge will agree with ex due to SS report. Do I call SS and raise concern over" mum will get mad" comment  or just carry on with my 3 hours at the contact centre each week.

I don't know if enforcing the order would work as she believes and has backing that she is safeguarding daughter against me

I'm truely stuck and this is taking over my life, I just want a fair shot at being a dad

The Contact Centre superviser should be making notes. Ask for a copy. If its noted that the child has said "mum will go mad" and about the granmother making a new bedroom, do not bother with SS, just put it back in Court, using the notes as evidance.

It is not the remit of SS to invistigatge (once a Court has made an Order) unless they are instructed by a Court. Its normally Cafcass who has to do that. All SS do is report what they are told and seen.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#3
Contact Centre said they don't make notes as it is run by volunteers and not professionals and they've repeatedly said that nothing is documented. They're been a few instances where ex has been difficult during handover and it's been an observed by contact centre and nothing has been documented. They've also being negotiating with her to let me see him out of centre and reassuring her that I'm good with daughter but ex she just says no, again nothing is documented. The only they keep telling me to do is go back to court.

I was told that the only way anything is documented is if ex agrees to supervised visits out of the contact centre. If i take daughter outside of the centre with a member of staff then it's documented. It's £70 an hour and ex agreed to this (only during the 3 hours every other week, cause she has no other time to make her available) and the centre said I needed at least 5 sessions

I don't agree, the only reason I'm doing it is to get daughter to say that she wants to see me and now after the last session it's obvious that she's been that manipulated by my ex that I don't know what she would say.
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#4
My head is all over the place still.

I have a free half an hour session on Friday with a local solicitors, any suggestions on specific questions or points that I should raise with them?
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#5
You could tell him the situation and that you are not happy with the contact centre as they don’t take notes (seems very odd that this place doesn’t take any while you are inside but will do so if you go outside) and want advice on how to progress to normal contact as soon as possible. Maybe even a change of contact centre.

Progressing from supervised contact to normal contact can be very slow unfortunately.
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