08-20-2017, 08:33 AM
First timer looking for advice.
I work in the SE but FMH is in the Staff Moorlands.
I've been lodging just outside of London since October last year, ostensibly to push my career but in reality also getting family used to me not being there should things go pear shaped marriage-wise - I'd pretty much emotionally checked out and was waiting for the inevitable split since the start of 2016.
Things came to a head start of Feb this year - I admitted my feelings had changed.
I agreed to move out 2nd week of Feb 11th, and went from lodging mon - fri to only coming up north to see the kids (at my mum's) every other weekend. Every alternate weekend was spent at the lodgings.
I became good friends quickly with my landlady, and that's grown into a something more about six weeks ago. She works out of the country the majority of the time so we agreed to take things slowly given my very complicated situation.
I am about to begin mediation with my wife, and during a face to face yest she asked a very few straight questions yesterday about whether I am seeing my landlady and was there anything else I need to tell her etc. I admitted that things had moved on recently, that the timing was dire etc. and that doesn't change my focus on sorting out finances with her for the longer term.
Unsurprisingly things have now blown up. From my side I've said the timings sh*t, it's a mistake in that sense but I don't regret it in itself. We are separated and never getting back together etc. etc.
My kids both know, which is erm nice obviously.
Waffle aside, should I now move out of my lodgings and get a place of my own / another room in a diff house? The numbers I'm putting forwards for the mediation assume that I need a single bed / studio within swinging distances of my office.
My wife is already arguing that I will need less money if I carry on living with landlady. I've said that I have no idea what's happening there and that I will probably get my own place to set that in stone.
Setting aside the wisdom of starting what could be a new relationship this quickly after separation, should I move out ASAP and set my own circumstances in stone unrelated to any budding relationships??? Any other advice?
I've accepted that she could indeed divorce me now for adultery - she thinks that will improve her settlement but I know that's not the case (not said as much tho!).
I don't want to screw my wife and kids over, and I don't want to screw things up with a great woman who's been support supportive since I moved in (she's nearly two years into her own separation).
Any thought etc. much appreciated.
I work in the SE but FMH is in the Staff Moorlands.
I've been lodging just outside of London since October last year, ostensibly to push my career but in reality also getting family used to me not being there should things go pear shaped marriage-wise - I'd pretty much emotionally checked out and was waiting for the inevitable split since the start of 2016.
Things came to a head start of Feb this year - I admitted my feelings had changed.
I agreed to move out 2nd week of Feb 11th, and went from lodging mon - fri to only coming up north to see the kids (at my mum's) every other weekend. Every alternate weekend was spent at the lodgings.
I became good friends quickly with my landlady, and that's grown into a something more about six weeks ago. She works out of the country the majority of the time so we agreed to take things slowly given my very complicated situation.
I am about to begin mediation with my wife, and during a face to face yest she asked a very few straight questions yesterday about whether I am seeing my landlady and was there anything else I need to tell her etc. I admitted that things had moved on recently, that the timing was dire etc. and that doesn't change my focus on sorting out finances with her for the longer term.
Unsurprisingly things have now blown up. From my side I've said the timings sh*t, it's a mistake in that sense but I don't regret it in itself. We are separated and never getting back together etc. etc.
My kids both know, which is erm nice obviously.
Waffle aside, should I now move out of my lodgings and get a place of my own / another room in a diff house? The numbers I'm putting forwards for the mediation assume that I need a single bed / studio within swinging distances of my office.
My wife is already arguing that I will need less money if I carry on living with landlady. I've said that I have no idea what's happening there and that I will probably get my own place to set that in stone.
Setting aside the wisdom of starting what could be a new relationship this quickly after separation, should I move out ASAP and set my own circumstances in stone unrelated to any budding relationships??? Any other advice?
I've accepted that she could indeed divorce me now for adultery - she thinks that will improve her settlement but I know that's not the case (not said as much tho!).
I don't want to screw my wife and kids over, and I don't want to screw things up with a great woman who's been support supportive since I moved in (she's nearly two years into her own separation).
Any thought etc. much appreciated.