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Threatening to not allow me to take kids on arranged holiday
#11
(08-28-2017, 09:17 PM)MarkR Wrote:
(08-28-2017, 08:04 PM)captaincaveman Wrote:
(08-28-2017, 03:36 PM)LTCDAD Wrote: I've had this... complained in court i didn't tell her where i was going... but as i didnt leave the country and it was on a long weekend were they kids were in my care... i didn't need to and she looked rather silly in court when she brought it up

If i go abroad with them i tell her and she does the same but of course same rules don't apply to a mum and a dad in her world :-)

haha  nice one. The thing is i wouldnt mind telling her if i had to but she doesnt bother to tell me, i find out from the kids which is all abit wrong really and now shes calling me childish etc for not telling her and its the kids that will suffer!! i mean come on...... she just seems to want to boss me about all the time. 

tbh mate the same rules for them dont apply to us in the legal world either unfortunatly, its all in their favour. 

she has told me she has got legal advice for this and she is right.

(08-28-2017, 12:39 PM)MarkR Wrote:
(08-28-2017, 12:22 PM)captaincaveman Wrote:
(08-28-2017, 12:07 PM)MarkR Wrote:
(08-28-2017, 11:29 AM)captaincaveman Wrote: hello chaps, just a quick one please....

i have arranged to take my kids away for a week as stated and agreed in the shared care agreement (one full week to be taken in the school holidays) 

I am supposed to be taking them tomorrow and yesterday the spineless narcassistic ex has just sent me an email saying that unless i provide her with all the details of where we are staying then she will not allow me to take the kids from her. 

can she really call the shots and do this????? 

i have accomodation booked and allsort of other things pre-booked, and apart from that the kids are really excited about us going as we do every year.

She has also stated in the email that she she is not being a control freak!! but as a mother she needs to know!!?? 

i take them away quiet regular at the weekends and she never asks where we go, she just doesnt like her not knowing about my/kid business. 

Do i have to tell her where we are staying etc?? 

she is taking them abroad in a couple of months and i found out from my kids and obviously hasnt told me or given me any information about flights or hotels etc..

can someone please shed some light on this?/?
 thanks in advance

As you only have an agreement, its not the same as if it was a Child Arrangements or Consent Court Order.

Unless its in the agreement you will inform her of it, then she has no right to know. You need to get Legal Advice on this, but my take on it is that a Civil Contract exists between you both, and if she does not follow it, you might have a case to take to the small claims court, if it does not happen.

If it was a Court Order, then she would not have the right to know, as the Court has put the Child in your case

Its only when going outside the UK that you are normally required to give her details.

It is illigal to take a child outside the UK without the consent of everyone with PR, unless a Court Order makes someone the Resident Parent (it will say xxxx LIVES WITH xxxx), where its allowed for up to 28 days at a time, but not in contact time unless its by agreement.

The above is only where the child is not entitled to hold a Passport for anywhere else.

In the long term, you might need to get a Court Order, and ask for you to be able to go outside the UK also.


thanks mark,

it is not in the agreement that we shall inform each other where we stay, last time she tried this she said it was (incase of an emergency) ?? 

surely if there was an emergeny then she would ring me or one of the kids and besides if we have an emergency then we would contact her, which isnt always possible when the kids are in my care as she never answers or replies.

this is what i thought, infact the time she is taking them abroad i will miss one night during the week and she has demanded that i only have them for one night at the weekend as she wants them back to go on holiday..... again.... no dates or times or locations provided to me

mark, we have a written agreement that i got draughted up by a solicitor if that makes any diference???
The only difference it would make is if it was an official Mediation Agreement, as that is what is needed before you get the right to go to Court.
It is normal for contact not to follow normal timetable in school holidays, and when you get this situation with your ex, your way forward is to ask for defined contact.  An example of this would be

1 week half terms, normal weekend   or   normal weekend but contact to start/end on the Wednesday, so its half each.
Easter/Christmas, 2x4 day blocks, or 1x8 day. Easter Sunday and Christmas day should be change over lunchtime, or turns each.

Summer, both parents would get a 2 week window each, so they have flexible holiday start dates, and the other 8 days each or so should then be sorted once holidays are booked. The child should not go much over 2 weeks, without seeing the other parent.

As far that when the Child is in the UK is concerned, without a Court Order, you are BOTH ON THE SAME LEGAL STANDING. With a Court Order, you OUTRANK her in the time the Court puts the Child in your care.


thanks again mark
jesus, i dont think i could manage to have them all that time, i dont have any family to help me and i dont get enough holidays as it is. hmm
it seems easier for the main carer..... if they dont work full time... which she doesnt.

How a Court looks at things, is you have Quality Time (school term weekends and school holidays), what both parents will get half, unless there is Child Welfare/Protection Issues (if the Non Resident Parent asks for it) and Care Time where you have to show its workable and not going to disrupt the childs routines and eduction.

Contact is down to when the Non Resident Parnet wants it, not what suits the other parent, so where it suits the normal starting point is every other weekend.

Half school holidays is 6.5 weeks a year, what is to much for people who work. A 4 week plan is 1 week at Easter and Christmas, with a 2 week block on another weekend (what might not follow normal timetable due to ex's hoiliday dates) in the summer.

In terms of Child Support, if you have contact on week 1 of your case year, your on 40 nights, if its week 2, its 38.

Therefore, with either option on the school holidays, you will be in the 53-104 night bracket, so get a reduction in a CMS case.
Without exceeding 52 nights  a year, you pay more.



not quiet sure i understand this bit 


In terms of Child Support, if you have contact on week 1 of your case year, your on 40 nights, if its week 2, its 38. 
but....... thanks again mark.. you should be a solicitor fell..... always on hand to give some good advice, even on a bank holiday!!

really appriciate it Smile   
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