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mid term access
#1
Hi 

i am back again out of sheer frustration. my son asked is due a visit /access  with his boy. The boy lives in England and my son wants to bring him home to northern ireland for the mid term break. 

my son contacted his ex with regard to taking the boy to northern ireland. she said no. she insists my son stays in england for the mid term break with his son. Obviously, she knows this is very difficult and expensive for him.  she is now texting him for the dates he is coming. yet "she is the one who is going to decide the dates".  when he tells her the dates that suit him, she will say they dont suit her....... if he asks her what dates do suit her, she will refuse to say!  He has tried this many times. he has given her a list of dates and asked her to choose. On one occasion he asked her to say which dates didnt suit her on another occasion he asked her which dates would suit her , no matter how he approaches it, she just comes back to him and insists he tell her the exact dates he wants and then she says No!!!

at the moment she is pressuring him for dates, 
the boy was here in the summer, so she says he cant come back for mid term and that my son must go there. yet she still doesnt let my son have 50% of holiday time. she only lets him have a week maybe two in the summer. 

my son needs to take time off work..he only works part time. he has to pay for accomodation, car hire food and entertainment for the boy. Yes, it is very expensive, but he does this on a regular basis becuse he loves the boy and they have a great bond and ofcourse he wants to be with him. but she is putting him under extreme presure with time and money not to mention the emotional side of things.

how we can handle this. i have said before he cannot afford solicitors any more or court fees. i am sure some of you will have had solicitors who only seem to want your money and do very little for it. (but that is another story) 

vee

p.s. furthermore, after she has said "No" to his dates , she will give the dates that he can visit and the dates she gives are "Always"
the "most expensive days to fly". This is what she consistently does .
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#2
She is messing about to avoid contact. I can't remember, does he have an enforceable order? A lot of people self rep rather than use a Solicitor. So sorry your son is having this, especially with the distance.
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#3
Going back to court seems to be the only way to try and stop this bearing in mind how long it's been going on. The fact that she has broken a previous order (if  I recall correctly) would strengthen your son's position.

There are plenty of people on here who have represented themselves and who would happily offer advice and support. This would only leave the cost of the court fee, at £215.
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#4
Hi Charlie7000

i am not sure of all the court details, but i do know, it was agreed in the court room that monthly visits should be alternated. one month she should bring the child here and one month my son should go to England. i dont know exactly what an enforacble order is. but if it means she is in contempt of court, there is nothing he can do as he cant afford to go back to court and even if he did they are unlikey to do anything. execept tell her off.

she is suffucating him, always looking for money, money money and more money. he pays his child maintenance and is financially stretched paying all the expenses involvesd with seeing his beloved boy.

my son has upheld his part in this agreement, going every month that he should (or that she allows). as some months she puts off his vist withone excuse or another and continues to do this until a visit is actually missed. other than that he gone to england every time.

she has not fullfilled her role. Even though her parents own a house here in which her brother lives. in % years, she has only come over twice. Although on a few occasions she has sent the boy over with her mother or brother who come to the house here. but she herself has only made the trip twice.

i have said before that when my son takes the boy home to N. I. he has to pay for 6 flights. he pays his own flight over to england and brings the boy back here which is another two flights. Then he has to bring the boy back to england and come again himself (antoher 3 flights). Although this is expensive, it is sometimes cheaper than staying in England. At least here, he can feed the boy in the house and they dont have to eat out, and he doesnt need to hire a car etc.


thank you for your kind words and understanding.

P.s. i meant in all the years she has only come over twice (not % years)
and ... with her parents owning a house here, it would be much cheaper for her to come here than have my son go to england , where he has to book accomodation!

Thank you two wheels .

i will speak to my son about that, although i know that this is where his weakness lies, he is a quiet guy, the only way i can express this is to quote a line from a song F.R. david sang "words dont come easy"

but i will certainly talk to him about taking this approach.
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#5
(09-24-2017, 05:42 PM)Vee Wrote: Hi 

i am back again out of sheer frustration. my son asked is due a visit /access  with his boy. The boy lives in England and my son wants to bring him home to northern ireland for the mid term break. 

my son contacted his ex with regard to taking the boy to northern ireland. she said no. she insists my son stays in england for the mid term break with his son. Obviously, she knows this is very difficult and expensive for him.  she is now texting him for the dates he is coming. yet "she is the one who is going to decide the dates".  when he tells her the dates that suit him, she will say they dont suit her....... if he asks her what dates do suit her, she will refuse to say!  He has tried this many times. he has given her a list of dates and asked her to choose. On one occasion he asked her to say which dates didnt suit her on another occasion he asked her which dates would suit her , no matter how he approaches it, she just comes back to him and insists he tell her the exact dates he wants and then she says No!!!

at the moment she is pressuring him for dates, 
the boy was here in the summer, so she says he cant come back for mid term and that my son must go there. yet she still doesnt let my son have 50% of holiday time. she only lets him have a week maybe two in the summer. 

my son needs to take time off work..he only works part time. he has to pay for accomodation, car hire food and entertainment for the boy. Yes, it is very expensive, but he does this on a regular basis becuse he loves the boy and they have a great bond and ofcourse he wants to be with him. but she is putting him under extreme presure with time and money not to mention the emotional side of things.

how we can handle this. i have said before he cannot afford solicitors any more or court fees. i am sure some of you will have had solicitors who only seem to want your money and do very little for it. (but that is another story) 

vee

p.s. furthermore,  after she has said "No" to his dates , she will give the dates that he can visit and the dates she gives  are "Always"
the "most expensive days to fly". This is what she consistently does .

It looks like the only way forward is a variation of the Order. While the fee is £215, if he is only working part time, he might get it free or reduced.

What you need is defined dates, and I am guessing he only wants school holiday contact.

You need the Order to say as an example,

School Half Term, from the Saturday after school breaks up till the Wednesday

Easter and Christmas, 1 week block, with her to provied dates 3 months in advance so he can obtain best prices for transport

Summer, a 3 week block, with her to provide dates 3 months in advance.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#6
my son had a written contact order from the court . due to costs he applied for variation order trhough child support agency. it was delined
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#7
The Child Support Agency is just for maintenance payments (unless it is a differet organisation I don't know about). It depends what is written on the contact order as to whether or not it is enforceable. If it just says "Mother will allow reasonable contact as agreed" and an agreement attached, it is difficult to enforce.

If under "It is ordered that" it is set out that Father collects child once a month and Mother takes child to Father once a month. And other details, that is a defined order and it is enforceable.

Enforcing an order doesn't cost much. They can do things. They can fine the Mother, they can order her to do community service, they can threaten to transfer residence to your son if she ignores the order, or if he has to enforce it a few times, they could use the last resort which is send her to prison (unlikely but it has happened).

Sometimes the only option is to go back to court because he can't control anything the way it is at the moment. Mark's suggestion is good - apply to have the order varied so child spends all the holidays with your son and lives with his Mother in between. If your son can cope with waiting six weeks at a time.
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#8
Charlie7000 sent you pm

(09-24-2017, 10:06 PM)MarkR Wrote:
(09-24-2017, 05:42 PM)Vee Wrote: Hi 

i am back again out of sheer frustration. my son asked is due a visit /access  with his boy. The boy lives in England and my son wants to bring him home to northern ireland for the mid term break. 

my son contacted his ex with regard to taking the boy to northern ireland. she said no. she insists my son stays in england for the mid term break with his son. Obviously, she knows this is very difficult and expensive for him.  she is now texting him for the dates he is coming. yet "she is the one who is going to decide the dates".  when he tells her the dates that suit him, she will say they dont suit her....... if he asks her what dates do suit her, she will refuse to say!  He has tried this many times. he has given her a list of dates and asked her to choose. On one occasion he asked her to say which dates didnt suit her on another occasion he asked her which dates would suit her , no matter how he approaches it, she just comes back to him and insists he tell her the exact dates he wants and then she says No!!!

at the moment she is pressuring him for dates, 
the boy was here in the summer, so she says he cant come back for mid term and that my son must go there. yet she still doesnt let my son have 50% of holiday time. she only lets him have a week maybe two in the summer. 

my son needs to take time off work..he only works part time. he has to pay for accomodation, car hire food and entertainment for the boy. Yes, it is very expensive, but he does this on a regular basis becuse he loves the boy and they have a great bond and ofcourse he wants to be with him. but she is putting him under extreme presure with time and money not to mention the emotional side of things.

how we can handle this. i have said before he cannot afford solicitors any more or court fees. i am sure some of you will have had solicitors who only seem to want your money and do very little for it. (but that is another story) 

vee

p.s. furthermore,  after she has said "No" to his dates , she will give the dates that he can visit and the dates she gives  are "Always"
the "most expensive days to fly". This is what she consistently does .

It looks like the only way forward is a variation of the Order. While the fee is £215, if he is only working part time, he might get it free or reduced.

What you need is defined dates, and I am guessing he only wants school holiday contact.

You need the Order to say as an example,

School Half Term, from the Saturday after school breaks up till the Wednesday

Easter and Christmas, 1 week block, with her to provied dates 3 months in advance so he can obtain best prices for transport

Summer, a 3 week block, with her to provide dates 3 months in advance.
sent you pm's
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