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Newly Separated
#1
My wife and I just separated today, and I'm staying at my mothers right now.  I have a daughter whom I love very much and I just left a few hours ago and I already miss her.  How do I cope with missing my daughter?  I am having a difficult time with this and would like some advice.
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#2
(09-24-2017, 11:52 PM)seanmkl Wrote: My wife and I just separated today, and I'm staying at my mothers right now.  I have a daughter whom I love very much and I just left a few hours ago and I already miss her.  How do I cope with missing my daughter?  I am having a difficult time with this and would like some advice.

I do not do the emotional side of things, but I can give you an opinion on what to expect in terms of contact.

Assuming you have PR, by being Married on the day of birth, or named on the Birth Certificate (if any other way you will know), then right now you are on the same legal standing as your ex. 

Unless there is any Child Protection/Welfare Issues or any other reason why you can not be in the same room as your ex, then Mediation is needed, if you can not sort out Child Arrangements. To go to Court you need
1, them to declair "Deadlock"
2, her to "No Show"
3, an agreement to be done, and not followed.

With a child under 2, you will get as a min, 4-6 hours, over 1 or 2 days.
From 2, the normal starting point is every other weekend, and up to half school holidays, including sharing or turns each on "significant" dates.
This is time where you collect the child, and its up to you what you do, and then return the child at the agreed time/location.

If a Child Arrangements Order is made, you stilll retain PR so your opinion should still be sort on Education and Medical matters.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#3
Hey Sean... others will contribute but here is some immediate advice

Plan everything... time for work, time for you, time with daughter ... don;t find yourself in a dark room with nothing to do.

You need to look after yourself so start with some exercise ... it really does help. get a bike or go running, join a gym... you are going to have some free time so we want to use that positive

Assuming your ex is going to be reasonable ... you are already winning vs a lot of stories on here ... so work it out with her - follow the advice above.

It will feel like you are rock bottom and some days are going to be far worse than others but your daughter will be fine and she will love you just the same

18 years ago it happened to my friend... 2 kids and his wife left him and moved away with another bloke... it was his birthday yesterday and his daughter posted on his FB timeline that he was the best dad in the world and her best friend... whatever he did ... he got it right so it will be OK (don't feel like it today) but it will OK
"Being a good father, for its own sake, does not require your ex to see it or agree"
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#4
(09-24-2017, 11:52 PM)seanmkl Wrote: My wife and I just separated today, and I'm staying at my mothers right now.  I have a daughter whom I love very much and I just left a few hours ago and I already miss her.  How do I cope with missing my daughter?  I am having a difficult time with this and would like some advice.

Hi sean,

I am a couple of weeks ahead of you.  I am cohabiting with my partner as we cannot afford to take on 2 places and have 2 kids (7 and 4).

These first weeks have been very tough.  I have found talking to family and friends helpful (although painful) and excercise helps too.

It does get easier - reading some of the stories on here I am thankful for where I am.  Stay strong and try to be positive.
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#5
LTCDad is correct... plan your days. Always find something to do, and never sit around twiddling your thumbs. It gets easier, even though at the moment it may not seem like it.

Don't go silent either, talk to people. Friends, Family, this forum. Even a good rant can be beneficial...
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#6
Separation where children are involved must be at the top of one of the most difficult things to do.

It will be hard but in time it will get easier.

Have you agreed contact with you daughter with your ex? If so, good and if not you should get something put in place. Ask for what you want you can even go halves if it is doable with your work and other stuff.

As has already been said please look after yourself to be strong for the road ahead.
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