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My ex is moving my daughter 300 miles away….
#1
I have regular contact with my daughter (8 years old); every other weekend and every Monday evening, and shared holidays. This routine has been in place since we split up 5 years ago.

I received a letter from my ex on Friday saying she is moving 300 miles away to live with her new partner (of 4 months). She plans to move before Christmas.

I live with my partner and her 3 children from a previous relationship; 8, 6 & 4. They regard my daughter as a sister. Plus we have a baby due in 2 weeks; my daughters first/only biological sibling.

If my daughter moves my access will change to holiday times only. Though my ex did propose one weekend per month I feel it’s unfair on my daughter to make her travel the 10+ hours round trip for a weekend visit during term time.

My ex’s new partner works offshore 3 weeks on 3 weeks off. My ex has no ties to where she’s moving leaving all friends and family behind.

I could offer my daughter stability; same school, same routine, seeing grandparent’s etc if it was required for her to live with me.

But I know my ex will use my daughter as a weapon against me if I try to stop her moving our daughter. She has done this in the past which had a big impact upon our daughter’s health.

The advice that I am seeking is whether I should fight to stop my ex moving my daughter 300 miles away (50 miles / 90mins drive would be acceptable) with a realistic chance of success in the courts. But in doing so have my daughter dragged into the fight by my ex.  Or dig deep emotionally, accept she is moving and do whatever I can to support my daughter through the change; she’ll need all the support I can give her.

I’m really torn; it’s an incredibly unfair position to be in!
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#2
(09-25-2017, 10:10 AM)TES22 Wrote: I have regular contact with my daughter (8 years old); every other weekend and every Monday evening, and shared holidays. This routine has been in place since we split up 5 years ago.

I received a letter from my ex on Friday saying she is moving 300 miles away to live with her new partner (of 4 months). She plans to move before Christmas.

I live with my partner and her 3 children from a previous relationship; 8, 6 & 4. They regard my daughter as a sister. Plus we have a baby due in 2 weeks; my daughters first/only biological sibling.

If my daughter moves my access will change to holiday times only. Though my ex did propose one weekend per month I feel it’s unfair on my daughter to make her travel the 10+ hours round trip for a weekend visit during term time.

My ex’s new partner works offshore 3 weeks on 3 weeks off. My ex has no ties to where she’s moving leaving all friends and family behind.

I could offer my daughter stability; same school, same routine, seeing grandparent’s etc if it was required for her to live with me.

But I know my ex will use my daughter as a weapon against me if I try to stop her moving our daughter. She has done this in the past which had a big impact upon our daughter’s health.

The advice that I am seeking is whether I should fight to stop my ex moving my daughter 300 miles away (50 miles / 90mins drive would be acceptable) with a realistic chance of success in the courts. But in doing so have my daughter dragged into the fight by my ex.  Or dig deep emotionally, accept she is moving and do whatever I can to support my daughter through the change; she’ll need all the support I can give her.

I’m really torn; it’s an incredibly unfair position to be in!

From what I am seeing, you need to get down to the Court now, for an Emergancy Hearing, to obtain a Prohibited Steps Order, peventing the relocating of the child more than 50 miles, as it would make contact arrangements what have existed for xxxx years, not workable.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
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#3
Firstly, if you have parental responsibility your ex should ask your permission to leave the area with your child. If you refuse to give consent, the next step should be mediation and court as a last resort. However, there is no guarantee the court will rule in your favour when applying for a Prohibited Steps Order. Much depends upon the circumstances surrounding the order and whether your ex is still willing to offer access and also the reasons for the move. If your ex can justify the move, there is no reason why the court would prevent her from moving on with her life. However, as in all cases, the court’s main concern is the welfare of your child. The court will always put the child’s best interests first and this main issue will determine the outcome of any application for an order. It is unlikely the courts would remove your child from her as resident parent and hand her over to your full care as the NRP, unless you had shared-care and/or there was a good reason for doing so. If you are open to discussing a workable agreement, then mediation is the best approach. However, if your ex refuses to attend mediation, then you will have the option to apply to court, should you wish to try to prevent any move. Only if you are determined to try to prevent any move, or think your ex may move without your consent should you apply for a Prohibited Steps Order right away. Remember, it's what you, as a parent think is in the best interests of your child over all and acting on an knee-jerk reaction is not always the most considered approach.
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#4
I would be tempted to apply for a prohibited steps order. Your ex would need to show why it's necessary for her to move so far away. From what you say, if her new partner works 3 weeks on, 3 weeks off, why can't he move to live with your ex instead? It would be very different only seeing your daughter in the holidays, but more importantly, it would be a huge change for your daughter no longer having her regular stable family life with you and her half siblings. It does suggest to me that your ex possibly feels threatened by this stable family life your daughter has with you - and a new baby on the way too. And that she is doing this to get your daughter away. New partner or not.

A court would only prevent a move if they suspected there was an ulterior motive. If they decide she can move, you could apply for daughter to live with both parents. And have a schedule where she spends term-time with you and holidays with her Mother. You may not get that but I think it's worth a shot.

Yes it's a nightmare thinking about court issues, but then you think - you need to try and keep your life together for your daughter. Presumaby daughter's school would change as well because of this move.

I think I would put in an application both for prohibited steps and child arrangements, on the same form. As an urgent application for the prohibited steps, and ask for the hearing to also be the first hearing for child arrangements. Your application would need to cover both issues so an extra sheet for the summary may be necessary.

You must be reeling. I know when I've had shocks like that it seems a bit unreal - and then it hits you. If your daughter was 13 or 14 it would be different but 8 is still quite young to have all their stability thrown up in the air.

I would put what you have put on here - about how your daughter has an established family life with you and her siblings, and her school is close by etc (and she will be changing schools again in 2 years or so to go to secondary school).

The Judge may ask what I did - why can't her partner move to her?

I know you don't want to put your daughter through it. But she will go through it in another way anyway. My son is 9 and I told him the court was nothing to worry about but Mum and Dad couldn't agree on some things and the court would help sort it out. He liked that. They don't like being in the middle either and sometimes want things sorting out. Has your daughter said anything to you yet?

PS I reckon it's the baby coming that's triggered this.
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#5
Thank you all for your feedback, its very helpful.

Charlie7000 - thank you your reassurance. My biggest fear is the impact this will have on my daughter. She's so young and I'm scared how this will affect her in the long term. But if she does move the other kids will be devastated!

Last night my daughter spoke to me about the move (completely unprompted). She seemed ok with it but was worried it'd lead to her mum and dad arguing again. I don't think its right for an 8 year old to be involved in decisions like this, though typical of my ex to treat our daughter like an adult as she always has!

I asked my ex about mediation which she refused. She said she had nothing she wished to discuss and that if I had a problem with her moving our daughter I'd need to take her to court.

Administrator - You're advice is noted; so far I've not responded negatively to my ex other than to request mediation. Yes I'm angry and somewhat desperate right now but will try not to have a knee jerk reaction (hence joining this forum for advice).
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#6
i cannot help you any in practical way, i wish i could. but i do understand and feel for you. My grandson was taken from northern Ireland to England.

my son continues to see his son but his ex is very difficult to deal with, never agreeing to the dates my son wants to go. and always insiting he goes on the most expensive dates to fly. he also has to pay accomodation, car hire, food, and entertainment for the boy. she is meant to come here every alternate visit but doesnt, even though her folks own a big house over here in which her brother lives alone.

i feel for you, facing this distance issue as i have seen the cost of it financially and emotionally. and i sincerely hope that your situation works out ok.

vee
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