Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Not so newly separated but feel like I'm being taken for a ride!
Hi I'm new here and thought I'd sign up after yet another argument with my ex and more threats from her.
Try to give you the situation as brief as possible but not going to be easy!! (Appologies for any spelling mistaakes!)
I walked out on my ex partner end of December 2016 after not be able to take anymore verbal insults and abuse. I left her the house which I had just invested all my money into rebuilding from the sale of my own house, my elderly father who lives there in the annex I had built and my now 2 year old son. I had been living with the verbal and emotional abuse (that's what I'm going to call it anyway as that's how it felt) and sometimes physical for about a year or two. I previously always felt our relationship was somewhat "un-normal" but just rolled with it. The abuse would lead me to becoming defensive, shouting and swearing back but more importantly I feel to suicidal thoughts and self harm. This is why I had to get out!!! I had support from friends and colleges who eventually supported me through the split and I now live with one of them.
I met my new partner pretty soon after the separation and actually knew her previously. She has her own child who doesn't know his father at all. When my ex found out about my new partner and the fact that i knew her previously things started to be one messier and messier. She seaked legal advice and got me (under duress of possibly not seeing my son I now feel) to sign thw house completely over and to not seek recouping any of my money from it under the impression my new partner would be a money grabber and make me come after it. She also stated that my new partner will never have contact with my son after I had previously introduced my son and new partner before we formed pur relationship. In our eyes this is stopping my son in doing stuff with me, my new partner and her son out of spite.
My ex has since got a new partner, who I actually met at the weekend which she found awkward but both of us seemed quite ok and civil about it all and even had a quick joke about him now doing all her diy instead of me. I have always been pretty cool about it as I thought it showed a more mature and grown up approach to it all and to be honest thought she can't hold this grudge against my new partner forever!!
Even today when she phoned to say her, my son and her new partner are going away on holiday for two days one night I said that that would be nice for them to get to know each other more although I know for well if show was on other foot as they say it wouldn't be the case if I said I was going away with my partner her son and mine. She's already threatened to take me to court should I take him out with her and her son stopping my contact with my son.
I currently see him every Monday evening though in all honesty most of these Mondays is spent doing diy in what was my house for her, I have him stay with me Wednesday and Friday night and we spend Saturday morning together.
Today after spending some time doing diy and having insults thrown at me in the process I walked out after being verbally insulted and messaged stating that if this is how she is going to continue that I was not happy for her, my son and her new partner to go away and that I will just not bother going round to be insulted or do diy for her regardless if she offers to pay me or not. That was quickly followed by a very abusive phone call and being told to not bother trying to see my son despite or current arrangement, a load of insults about my own parents who separated by more and more insults (basicly whatever she could throw at me)

Now obviously there going away themed of the week and I feel there's sod all I can do about that but now feel I need to take this further. I know between now and Wednesday I will have a message from her probably asking about diy, complaining about my dad or just further insult!
OK - you cant stop her going on holiday with her new partner and your son... unless she is leaving the country and even then she just needs to inform you (its a little more complex than that but if yo both have Parental Responsibility and no court order in place you are EQUAL parents so what she can do , you can do)

Reverse - she cant stop you taking your kid out or going away with your new partner

"She's already threatened to take me to court should I take him out with her " = this is laughable... court woudl actually be a good option for you! It would stop this nonsense from her
"She also stated that my new partner will never have contact with my son after I had previously introduced my son and new partner before we formed our relationship. In our eyes this is stopping my son in doing stuff with me, my new partner and her son out of spite.'" - this is wrong... she cannot do this (unless your partner is a proven risk to the child... lets assume she is not!) please stop conforming to this ... your son deserves quality time with both parents
"very abusive phone call and being told to not bother trying to see my son despite or current arrangement" = she doesn't decide, if you need to formalize contact go to mediation and then court if you can't agree - she cannot use your son as a weapon

Overall - please stop doing her DIY, please stop listening to her insults, please stop let her walk over you

My opinion ... you are being emotionally bullied by her and that is not good for you or your son... if i was you I would be taking a legal route
"Being a good father, for its own sake, does not require your ex to see it or agree"
Same as LTCDAD...but another bit of info I dug up from one of my previous posts
It mainly deals with when the child is with you, you are the parent, she has no rights to say what, when, whom, how or times of anything you do when he is with you. I have plagiarized this from another site and from the court of appeals site. So hope it's of some use to you

if you have Parental responsibility the essence of the Child Act 1989 is that it's not practical for a person with PR to have to ask another person's permission about everything to do with that child, there are certain exceptions such as boarding school etc that require total consent.

There is case law that supports this: in the judgment of the case of D. v D. (Shared Residence Order) [2001] 1 F.L.R 495, Lord Justice Hale said that where a child is being looked after by one parent, that parent must be allowed to take the decisions relating to the child. While this parent has care of the child, the other parent should not try to interfere with matters relating to this time during which they don’t have care of the child. This does not, of course, extend to taking decisions that contravene a court order. However, where possible, flexible and practical arrangements should be made.
When they live with you for the few days, you are being delegated the care on a temporary basis.
(The full legal gist is taken from the court of appeal document
(22) The background to the Children Act 1989 provision lies in the Law Commission’s Working Paper No 96, published in 1986, on Custody, and the Law Commission’s Report, Law Com No 172, published in 1988, on Guardianship and Custody. If I may summarise the basic principles proposed, the first was that each parent with parental responsibility should retain their equal and independent right, and their responsibility, to have information and make appropriate decisions about their children. If, of course, the parents were not living together it might be necessary for the court to make orders about their future, but those orders should deal with the practical arrangements for where and how the children should be living rather than assigning rights as between the parents )

(23) A cardinal feature was that when children are being looked after by either parent that parent needs to be in a position to take the decisions that have to be taken while the parent is having their care; that is part of care and part of responsibility. Parents should not be seeking to interfere with one another in matters which are taking place while they do not have the care of the children. They cannot, of course, take decisions which are incompatible with a court order about the children. But the object of the exercise should be to maintain flexible and practical arrangements wherever possible.
Advice & opinions on this forum are offered informally, without any assumption of liability. Use your own judgment. Seek advice of a qualified and insured professional.

Possibly Related Threads...
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  Newly separated, long time coming Dekker 4 5,394 12-28-2017, 02:26 PM
Last Post: mrbungle
  Newly Separated - Need Advice Please LeedsDad 1 2,887 12-07-2017, 07:26 AM
Last Post: scottb
  Newly separated, any advice appreciated Bovril 10 12,434 11-08-2017, 03:47 PM
Last Post: Tamagoto
  Newly Separated Dad AKentishMan 21 25,535 11-06-2017, 08:50 AM
Last Post: itneverends
  Newly Separated seanmkl 5 7,395 09-26-2017, 06:51 PM
Last Post: Hazy
  Newly separated and could do with advice... TTwilight 6 7,056 08-25-2017, 10:16 AM
Last Post: TTwilight
  Feel like I'm slowly loosing my daughter. frogs422 3 5,049 07-11-2017, 01:46 PM
Last Post: LTCDAD
  Newly Separated Dad GK55 5 8,996 01-15-2017, 08:00 PM
Last Post: GK55
  Feel inspired Frisbos 1 3,190 12-20-2016, 12:51 PM
Last Post: Separated Dads

Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)