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Need advice asap!
#1
Hi all, I'll try to keep this a short as possible.
I was in a relationship for over ten years, during which I cared for a step son and had three beautiful children of my own. A short time ago the relationship came to an end, rather amicably to be honest. But I was very suspicious of my partner due to the ease at which she seemed to be willing for us to split. Here's where the advice is needed. Within a week there was a new man staying over at my children's home. My children began telling me they were not happy with this person being around and that he has said some things about me to them which are less than respectful. Within a matter of 2 - 3 weeks this man (who turned out to be a "friend" she had had while we were together) had moved in, openly disciplining my children and looking after them while my ex partner worked.
The emotional damage is easy to spot. My eldest boy likens his mom to a prostitute and my younger son states that his mom has lied to him about the nature of her relationship with this new man.
I can find no advice on how to proceed as my ex seems totally unfazed by my concerns. I have no interest in revenge or things of that nature but I am very worried about the short timescale before a new man was present. Especially as the children had no knowledge of this person prior to the separation.
Do I have to just get on with it? Is there anything I can do??
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#2
Hi Ian. I really feel for you fella. Bottom line (as I see it) is there is noting you can do as she is the mother. The courts cant dictate the timing or pace of new partners being introduced. Its unlikely you'll ever get custody unless there are serious mental health / alcohol / drugs / abuse issues.
You've tried talking to her to no avail. Shes clearly not thinking straight. Hopefully she will notice soon and tell the new bloke to take a big step back with discipline at the very least.
Maybe suggest to your eldest to explain his feelings to your ex? If he is able to do so, it could open her eyes. Do you have any mutual friends who you can chat to to try and get them to influence your ex to consider her actions more?
Possibly in laws? (of course Blood is thicker than water but there is always right and wrong) Or suggest your eldest son speaks to his grandparents if that easier for him. Very difficult situation.

With regards to the new man potentially request a chat with him - to explain your only concern is your children's welfare and he needs to consider their feelings as this is all way too quick and they are just kids. Also explain that you will never say anything negative about him to your children and you expect the same in return - (this could easily get out of hand though) . Any reasonable man would get this.... Good Luck
ps well done for taking this in your stride.....
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#3
sounds like the same situation with my ex.
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