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Advice Anyone?
#1
Hi,
New here so without trawling through threads I just would like to put a question out there,

I have had my little boy on an average of 2.5 to 3 days over the last 2 years, he has recently started school & I have now had him 1 night in the last month my ex stating it made him tired & until he gets into a routine I can only see him fortnightly through the day.

Over the last 2 years I have paid agreed maintenance on time, moved my work around to accommodate her work

Paid for his holidays with his mother & loaned her the cost of her holiday of which I have received 10% back in 5 months!

The last time she left the country my Son was left with her new partner without my consultation.

She seems to be playing happy families with her new partner & his son (who my son actually called his brother)

I would like to keep seeing my son nearer the schedule of the last 2 years.....any advice anyone!
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#2
Hi Steve

What you describe is common... but not right ... i'll try point by point

If access has changed without your agreement (for a reason which is not valid as above) you have 2 options.. talk to the ex or start mediation to get what you deserve as a dad (minimum is every other weekend and 1-2 nights in week - a judge would give you this plus up to 1/2 the school holidays)

I assume you have no court order in place... so mediation to find agreement and get back what you have lost in term of access and if that fails you need to get deadlock letter and progress to court.. seriously.... you need to take action

Child support - check on website to make sure you are paying the right amount... again i guess you have an agreement with her and many blokes find out they pay more than they should when its been agreed between parents. https://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance
Side note - the more nights she has him... the more you have to pay ... which may be her strategy so beware and its why you need to take action now

Child maintenance covers everything so holidays etc is additional at your own decision... no need to pay it especially now she is reducing access... of course if things work out back to the way they were ... maybe you don't mind but 1 night in 14 reduced from 6/14 ... ex needs to pay for her own holiday, and pay for kid if she takes him... you can pay for your holiday when you are with him

Loan - as she is your ex... can you prove intention to set up a legal contract (text , email?) that says I lend you X and you pay me back Y every month?... If so... small claims court

If you have parental responsibility and no court order... that kid needs to be in your care if she leaves the country as you are seen as equal parent unless you agree - this will be important information if you go to court so collect some evidence

She's allowed to be happy with new partner and his kids ... not much you can do about their relationship but focus on your relationship with your kid and his rights to have that relationship with you which are being negatively impacted by the reduction in access

Summary:
Talk to her and expalin
Mediation
Court
Stop giving her extra money
Take him on holiday yourself
Raise the issue of him not being left with you (which would be additional time, not instead of your regular access)
"Being a good father, for its own sake, does not require your ex to see it or agree"
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#3
Just wanted to pick up on a bit that LTCDAD said there..
The CMS charge to my knowledge. is set from your legacy gross taxable income....That's it..the charge is "X"

The more nights you have the child then you get a reduction on your charge. So if your charge was £300 per month, then dependant on how many nights per week shared care you do, then there is a table they use to make reductions to your charge rate. So hes right as much as her tactic may be to have the child more times than you, to keep your charge set to the maximum she can get rather than CMS making a reduction.
We didn't want you to go away thinking there, that if she has him for 6 nights a week they would , I dunno, treble your charge or something.
Just wanted to help out there dont want to come across as a condescending sod
Advice & opinions on this forum are offered informally, without any assumption of liability. Use your own judgment. Seek advice of a qualified and insured professional.
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#4
Thanks Guys,

The amount I pay monthly was established by her solicitor based on the fact I let her have the entire profits of us renovating a house in aid set her up in a new home (she needed a huge deposit to secure a mortgage while I now rent) and she kept the car I had paid for.

She is now requesting more, I also found out money I had placed in an account for my son has been withdrawn.

The guy she is now with seems a nice fella, but I think he seems easily manipulated & being with my ex- he will face a battle in not to be done so Smile

Being a flight attendant I am pretty sure she is out of the country again, but I cannot get a response from either her or her mother confirming her whereabouts.

Thanks again for the advice, any more would be appreciated
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#5
If talking to your ex doesn’t work you may have to consider formalising contact by starting mediation and going to court if that fails to resolve things.

As you had regular contact before unless there was good reason for ending it this may be reinstated.

Perhaps you could also look at the possibility of saving for your son yourself rather than into any kind of joint account. It is possible to get accounts where no withdrawals are allowed during the term or until the child reaches a certain age.
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#6
I would deal with this quickly. Make your appointment for a MIAM and say it's urgent - sometimes they can fit you in quick or offer you a cancellation (say yes). You tell the mediator what's what at the first appointment and they then invite your ex. If she won't attend the mediator can sign you off so you can apply to court. It might also be worth having a Solicitor write her a letter meanwhile stating what the contact was and saying it should be reinstated and that you will be inviting her to mediation.

I've had something very similar recently after 8 years of regular contact. Half brother just started school. What is going in is - ex now wants one normal family with a Mum and Dad and two kids and trying to oust you from the picture. It's inconvenient to her to have you picking up at school and being involved in school when she has two kids there. She might want one normal family but your son is expected to be able to continue with his regular time with you - ie with both parents.
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#7
(10-07-2017, 09:43 AM)Drew65 Wrote: Just wanted to pick up on a bit that LTCDAD said there..
The CMS charge  to my knowledge. is set from your legacy gross taxable income....That's it..the charge is "X"

The more nights you have the child then you get a reduction on your charge. So if your charge was £300 per month, then dependant on how many nights per week shared care you do, then there is a table they use to make reductions to your charge rate. So hes right as much as her tactic may be to have the child more times than you, to keep your charge set to the maximum she can get rather than CMS making a reduction.
We didn't want you to go away thinking there, that if she has him for 6 nights a week they would , I dunno, treble your charge or something.
Just wanted to help out there dont want to come across  as a condescending sod

Good point well made  Wink
"Being a good father, for its own sake, does not require your ex to see it or agree"
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#8
Thanks a lot Guys,

Things seem less foggy this morning!

Regarding payments, the amount I pay has been decided by her Solicitor, she was in no position to buy a house unless I let her have all the profit from the one we sold......part of the agreement was the amount I paid on a monthly basis (still enough)....... but considering the Holiday I paid for that amounted to another £100 a month anyway.

Can she just now rip the agreed figure up & ask for more?
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#9
Think the clue is in your answer

"the amount I pay has been decided by her Solicitor"... look for the word "her"

Solicitors act in the best interest of THEIR client .... that is not usually in the best interest of the other person

Revisit your financial commitments... child support is your legal obligation ... didn't see if you said you were married or not but if not... that's it... if you were married aim for financial clean break or you will be held over a barrel for years
"Being a good father, for its own sake, does not require your ex to see it or agree"
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#10
To be honest I am happy with the arrangement at the moment agreed by her solicitor......she is now asking for more!
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