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Shoe on the other foot
#11
(10-17-2017, 08:56 AM)Charlie7000 Wrote: Try to ignore the gossip etc and keep focused on the big stuff.  Whether she wants to go to mediation or not doesn't matter too much - in fact it will look better for you if you have attended a MIAM and she then refuses to attend mediation.  Mediation isn't cheap either, and it can be better to spend the money on court.  I have the same anxieties - what is the likelihood of xyz.  There is no certainty about anything, but keep focused on what you want and how to achieve it and keep alert to manipulation.  Unfortunately you are now on two sides of the fence and have different motivations.  If she does go to mediation it might talk her into making a reasonable agreement that can be put forward for a court order.  Either way, you need to have the MIAM and be signed off to go to court.  Unless it's an emergency order I think.  There can be some dirty tricks especially if she has a Solicitor advising her as it gets adversarial, so I'd just say - keep schtum as much as possible!  And get everything documented as much as possible that the kids live with you.  Whether she wants them to live with her or not she may realise that she may have to pay you child maintenance if they live with you so unfortunately there can be money motivations.

Getting a clear court order that will last can be worth the money now, to enjoy your kids in the long term.

I really don't know what she is hoping to achieve but it seems that she is not interested in mediation.  My solicitor has advised that we should start preparing ourselves for a court action. 

Given that I'm the primary carer of the children at present, I've told my solicitor that I'd offer every other weekend only as children don't want to move back and forth mid weeks.  I'm sure she and her solicitors will strongly oppose that mostly because of money that she'd not be able to claim.  To be honest, I don't care about the child benefits and would be happy to let her claim that - I just want the children to be happy and comfortable.

My solicitor thinks that I've a very good case to get this arrangement endorsed by a court but I'd still like you hear any opinion or experience from dads.

BTW, if children have not lived with her for some time and she is still claiming child benefits, isn't that in itself illegal/fraud?
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#12
Hi Baffled.

I have just been through this with court, contested hearing was on Monday, but the order I received through the door was nothing that was agreed, Dates of contact all wrong, giving mother more nights than agreed, so I had to contact the courts for a further hearing as the one I had was a mess.

My Wife left with the assistance of Police last Nov. Domestic incidents. Thank god she is gone, My son is 4 and lives with me. but Ive been through hell. The courts , Cafcass do not know where to put them selves when its is the father with the child or the one who is the victim. Police Logs Drs reports of DV mean nothing in court. Ignored to the point you may as well use the police logs to wipe your bxxt..

So the final hearing ie didnt exactly happen, was more of a consent order were I agreed 4 nights that mother can have him over 2 weeks with additional tea time contact in mid week.

the order I recieved stated Contact over night with mum WED THUR FRI SAT week one and week 2 FRI SAT SUN????
and to put the icing on the cake,. FATHERS residence statue, Shared??? baring in mind mother is in temporary accommodation, refuge..etc

Im stressed out , not sleeping and really angry that ppl are so bias

Keep records of everything. tape things if you have too, and keep keep being a great father. Hopefully the Magistrate will see past the wallet.
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#13
(10-20-2017, 03:15 PM)asd1270 Wrote: Hi Baffled.

I have just been through this with court, contested hearing was on Monday, but the order I received through the door was nothing that was agreed, Dates of contact all wrong, giving mother more nights than agreed, so I had to contact the courts for a further hearing as the one I had was a mess.

My Wife left with the assistance of Police last Nov. Domestic incidents. Thank god she is gone, My son is 4 and lives with me. but Ive been through hell.  The courts , Cafcass do not know where to put them selves when its is the father with the child or the one who is the victim. Police Logs Drs reports of DV mean nothing in court. Ignored to the point you may as well use the police logs to wipe your bxxt..

So the final hearing ie didnt exactly happen, was more of a consent order were I agreed 4 nights that mother can have him over 2 weeks with additional tea time contact in mid week.

the order I recieved stated Contact over night with mum WED THUR FRI SAT week one and week 2  FRI SAT SUN????
and to put the icing on the cake,. FATHERS residence statue,  Shared??? baring in mind mother is in temporary accommodation, refuge..etc

Im stressed out , not sleeping and really angry that ppl are so bias

Keep records of everything. tape things if you have too, and keep keep being a great father. Hopefully the Magistrate will see past the wallet.

Hi asd1270

Sorry to hear how things went for you at court.

I hope that it is all an administrative error and you'll get the correct order soon.

Were you a litigant-in-person?

How long did it take for you to get to contested hearing stage?

I'm now focusing only on kids' welfare and trying to ignore all the crap that she throws at me and don't plan to raise any personal issues with her in court proceedings.
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#14
Yes litigant-in-person as I know my way around the system being a Social Worker but used McKenzie friend on the contested hearing. 6 months of headache in court to reach final hearing and still trying to sort it out due to the incompetent of court magistrates n mistakes on the order.

Yes stay child focused. Use the welfare check list. Mine was like rocket proof but not bias proof.
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