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The Final Straw - Holiday Refusal To Spain!
Good Evening All.

I'm after some advice and guidance as i'm really at rock bottom with this matter and feeling more and more depressed by my ex's constant attempts of parental alienation and killing my relationship with my daughter.

I have attempted mediation at a cost of £65 to myself and she refused it, I paid £250 to get a court hearing to be able to see my daughter regularly and even though I got a Child Arrangement Order my ex has never stuck to it and I don't have the phone contact as instructed by the judge. However the after court care is shocking, once you leave court that is it. No numbers to call or help or advice just the fact you have to pay the courts another hefty fee for them to enforce the court order - it's shocking!

Me and my current girlfriend have a daughter together and have planned a family holiday including my eldest which I mention above. However my ex has point blank refused me permission from taking my daughter away. I have the CAO and i'm named on the birth certificate so I know i'm allowed to take my daughter out the country for 30days but how can she try and stop this? Who does she think she is.

I know for a fact she wont give me my daughters passport and will purposefully lose it to hurt me even though it's our child that suffers the most.

Can anyone please offer me any hope in this matter and give me some advice as it's really affecting my daily health and depressing me knowing I can't do things with my daughter. I'm on a low wage and can't afford a solicitor or to keep going back and fourth to court and I just feel like i'm lost in the system.

Thank you for listening to me.


I feel ur pain mate - my ex is exactly the same an im jus about to go through court as well , its like a pointless process if it doesnt achive a mutual arrangment an still u ate powerless , i hope ? for you mate i will be in same boat
The courts want people to sort things out between them. Unfortunately if one person is a dereanged psychopathic difficult person that doesn't work. Sorry. Venting myself there. There is no court aftercare. You have an order, she is expected to stick to it. If she breaches it you enforce it. Yes it means a court fee but the more she breaches it and the more times it is enforced, the court will look at this seriously. There are penalties for breaching an order - a fine or community service, or if it happens 2 or 3 times a Judge may say if it happens again they will transfer residency to you.

Unfortunately it is a case of having to spend money now and then if she doesn't stick to it but the more times that happens the more will be done I think.

Right now I think you need a specific issues order for the holiday. Did she agree to this holiday before? If not is the holiday during times your daughter is supposed to spend with you on the court order?

As I understand it, the resident parent can go abroad for up to 3 weeks without needing consent of the other parent, but is still supposed to agree it if it affects usual contact times. If you have a shared care child arrangements you are also the resident parent and both of you would be expected to need consent of the other to go abroad. If you have a contact order or "to stay with" child arrangements order then you need her consent to go abroad on holiday. If she won't give it you apply for a specific issues order for the holiday and pasport and the court gives it.

I had to do a specific issues order last year. Same form as for child arrangements. And yes a court fee. What you could do is email her - word it politely and reasonably as you may need it for evidence - and say that you have had this holiday booked to x place on x dates since x date, for your family including daughter and it is during your holiday period as agreed in the child arrangements order. That you may need to apply for a specific issues order for the holiday and passport if she doesn't agree to it and would prefer it if you could both agree this matter between you.

Then print it out. Print out a copy of any replies she sends. If she refuses point blank then you can apply for a specific issues order for the holiday and attach the emails. The difficulty might be if she agrees - and then goes back on it at the last minute - if that happens you'd need to be prepared to go for an urgent hearing for a specific issues order - 48 hours is possible and maybe less.

What might help is if you show you have tried to be polite and reasonable and given her information - eg destination, contact details for emergencies.

Although it means finding money for enforcing and specific issues orders etc - in the long run it may cost less in money and emotion to do this a few times.

If you've had a number of breaches of the order recently you could kill two birds with one stone, apply to enforce the order and at the same to apply for the specific issue of the holiday.

Look at it this way - it costs her money too - if it's done a few times she may just start sticking to it.

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