Separated parental information program

[kettleman]

Was wondering if anyone has had any experience doing this course for separated parental information? Have been advised by the contact center to do it (free of charge). 

I was told its not a lecture on how to look after your children but more how to deal with communication between parents and questions from children about their parents being separated etc.

Are these programs looked well upon by judges or CAFCASS at all? Or just a waste of time?


Cheers

[Charlielovesyou]

Hi, i went on one of these courses 2 weeks ago and was ordered by the court to do so after cafcass recommended it. The mother was ordered too. The courts do look good upon it as they see it as you are trying to be reasonable and sort things out in the best interests of the children. But IMO its just a box ticking exercise.

Its not about how to be a parent as such but they do talk to you about how your actions effect or might effect the children now and in the future. Its basically all about getting the parents to communicate and be civil with each other in the best interests of the children.

This is what they give you.

https://publications.theapsgroup.com/Vie...nformation

In all honesty it was ok but i felt that i didnt really need it as such as in my case the mother is just flatly refusing to any contact with my daughter because of her own fabricated reasons and allegations and refuses to communicate with me, full stop. It does give you an insight and help you a little by looking at your actions etc but its all based on this ideal world and scenario where all parties are amicable to each other. Obviously if that was the case then none of us would have been ordered or advised to do this course in the first place. They try to get you to look at things from the other persons perspective as well as it might help, but then if they are not reasonable and make ridiculous claims and accusations as in my case then it is a little hard to do that. It may have helped the mother more and put her straight on a few things, i hope it has but i doubt it. But for me it didnt really tell me anything i already do or have tried. But as i say im not the aggressor and it needs both sides to be amicable for this to work, which is what they are trying to instil in people. Unfortunately as a lot of us know its easier said than done with a lot of women, and some blokes in these situations.

I went because i will do whatever they want me to do in order to show them i am reasonable and willing to be amicable in the best interests of our daughter for now and the future. As i said its really just a box ticking exercise IMO.

[MarkR]

(10-31-2017, 04:14 PM)kettleman Wrote: Was wondering if anyone has had any experience doing this course for separated parental information? Have been advised by the contact center to do it (free of charge). 

I was told its not a lecture on how to look after your children but more how to deal with communication between parents and questions from children about their parents being separated etc.

Are these programs looked well upon by judges or CAFCASS at all? Or just a waste of time?


Cheers

In Milton Keynes in 2015, anyone making an application to Court regarding Family Matters, was Ordered to attend one, unless there was Domestic Violence.

All the course done for me, what highlighted what my ex was doing wrong.

In my case it was in a Hotel Conferance Room, and a few of us took the the bar after it!!!!!!

[invisibleintellectual]

I went on one and it was in a location I used to work in - a good few of us shared war stories and some of it was worse than my experience which stunned me

I have tried to implement some of it but it's difficult when it is one sided

[kettleman]

After looking through the hand book it looks like the whole course is a load of BS.

I'm already in court proceedings because she has spitefully stopped access to my child for no valid reason, (this was even put in the CAFCASS report!) so I think im passed most of what this course will advise upon already.

my solicitor said it'll come as a brownie point in the long run so I've applied for it anyways, I can't see any negatives from doing it!

[Charlielovesyou]

(11-01-2017, 10:29 PM)kettleman Wrote: After looking through the hand book it looks like the whole course is a load of BS.

I'm already in court proceedings because she has spitefully stopped access to my child for no valid reason, (this was even put in the CAFCASS report!) so I think im passed most of what this course will advise upon already.

my solicitor said it'll come as a brownie point in the long run so I've applied for it anyways, I can't see any negatives from doing it!

This is exactly what i was saying. It is my ex that has done the same thing for no valid reason other than the lies and allegations she has made up because she doesnt want me to see or have my daughter. Cafcass and 2 Social Workers have picked up her BS and said contact needs to happen. She has told them all and the court she will not allow contact, full stop. 

As i said the course basically goes by the viewpoint both parties are prepared to be amicable and its all about the children. Unfortunately back in the real world it is not the case and as i said we wouldnt all be in court or on these courses if it was amicable and fair for all involved. For some reason my ex and many others have decided that it is their right alone to decide what is best for the children and that includes stopping us having contact with them. 

As i said its just a box ticking exercise and your solicitor is right, the court will look upon it as you trying to move forward and sort things. Me and my ex were ordered by the court to go so you have nothing to lose by doing it. I did most of what the course goes on about anyway to no avail. You can not reason with unreasonable people so if one side doesnt want it then all this stuff they go on about is useless. Hopefully my ex may actually take some of it in because it would help her but i doubt it.

[TwoWheels]

I got sent on one (as did my ex) by the court after CAFCASS recommended it. The courts like it because they want both parents to make an effort in the interests of their child, as they know that for a court decision to work it ultimately needs the parents to go along with it. Most of what you get to hear is largely common sense. As the courses are identical wherever you have them, you know what your ex has heard as well and you can always quote or discuss the advice with them if they’ll listen.

As others have said, the difficulty is that it relies on both parents being reasonable and putting the needs of the children first, and if your ex isn’t like this then the course isn’t going to make much difference. Still, it can be a useful reminder on how things can be, and you get the moral support from hearing from other people in similar situations to your own. The fact that some of them had far worse experiences than mine made me grateful for what I have got.

The most useful tip I got, and that I put into practice straight away, was a very small one – one of the facilitators suggested reducing the stress that comes with contact with your ex by changing your ex’s contact details on your phone from that of their real name to “*Name of your child*’s mother”. Now when I receive texts or (occasionally) get a call, seeing my daughter’s name there reminds me who I should be thinking about, and I don’t feel the same sense of dread or rising anger that I used to get.

[bimma]

i have been on one of these.
cafcass recommended it when they done their safeguarding letter as part of my enforcement application.

The judge didnt mention it at hearing but i asked him if we could go on it, because i wanted to rule it out as an excuse for cafcass to defend the ex with next time things went wrong.

4 hours, mainly trying to get you to view the separation side of things through a childs perspective. usual rubbish..be civil, be amicable, be reasonable, dont let kids hear or see or feel the animosity.
you watch a video with different scenarios, that are supposed to represent common scenarios you may face as seperated parents light birthdays and you give feedback on rights and wrongs in the video, what they could have done better to improve the situation etc. Its all common sense but they dont realise that it portrays things in an ideal world and the reality is far from that.

when i was asked for feedback at the end i made a point to the lady running it that strangely the video and course does not cover the scenario and fact that the resident parent which is usually the mother uses the kids as weapons to get at the non resident parent. and the usual story is to deny contact or be awkward as possible. There was not one point in the video or the 4 hour course that portrayed a clear message that kids should not be used as weapons to spite the other parent.

Its something that needs to be done as part of the process , jump through the hoops, tick the boxes and hopefully the end result is contact at home with your child.

All these people working in social services, cafcass, courts, solicitors etc etc need to be kept in jobs, so this is one way of doing it at the expense of the tax payer and the misery of the fathers who are denied contact.

[depresseddad]

I have mine tomorrow, directions hearing on Friday timed quite well. Ex hasn't even booked onto it. It has now been ordered but when it was suggested to her before the order she said she "wasnt ready".

[invisibleintellectual]

If she doesn't do the course then CAFCASS will update the court with her failure to attend