Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
her affair has floored me....
#31
Thanks pete....I'll try.
Reply
#32
Just caught up with this Scott. Understand. Been there. Sometimes the hardest thing is still being in the same house and it's a relief when you're not any more. I wouldn't move out though. It will be easier to keep contact with your kids if you stay in the house with them and can agree 50/50 shared care and get it in a consent order. It will be hard if she doesn't want to move out. The worst thing is your imagination sometimes. Are you getting any counselling? Relate can be quite good when you've just found out about an affair. You can go on your own. And you could then think about asking her to go with you. The talk may be easier with someone else there.

What confuses me is - if things have been bad for over a year, it sounds as if it wasn't just a one night thing. So why did she stay and carry on with both? Counselling may help get to the bottom of this. But it can be intolerable and I would seriously suggest moving into another bedroom (if you haven't already) or the trauma can be worse the more you are in familiar habits.
Reply
#33
Yes charlie I don't get it aswell...not sure what her plan is...my problem right now is that I know and think she knows I know....but just going on like all is well....talking about summer hols and christmas wtf....look I know I need to finish this....I had planed to do it after the new year but haven't yet...just scared that it will be the start of the end of my little family and it's really getting me down. It's been on the tip of my tounge many times but always bottle it....i feel like an idiot I'm on this forum for seperated dads and I haven't even seperated yet officially. ...just need somone to tell me to fckn man up and get on with it...it all I think about from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep....and I feel like the longer I'm taking the harder it's getting....any advice would be welcome I'm struggling big time with this situation
Reply
#34
Is it obvious that she's still seeing the other guy?
It could be that the affair has cooled off and you're back in the frame as plan B?
This will continue till either the affair starts again or she meets someone else.
I would tell her that you want to end it and speak to a solicitor about a separation agreement.
Reply
#35
I think it has cooled off for now....doesn't make it any easier it still hurts.....don't think I'm in her plans...and if i am its only to pay for things and watch the kids while she works and go out with her pals ( so she tells me) not sure what the plan is...I'm sure I'll find out when I finally get the courage to confront her.....I know I need to do this....it's killing me inside...but just keep putting it off..
Reply
#36
(01-22-2018, 10:51 PM)scottb Wrote: I think it has cooled off for now....doesn't make it any easier it still hurts.....don't think I'm in her plans...and if i am its only to pay for things and watch the kids while she works and go out with her pals ( so she tells me) not sure what the plan is...I'm sure I'll find out when I finally get the courage to confront her.....I know I need to do this....it's killing me inside...but just keep putting it off..

Scott - How about an update? Have you faced up to her yet? I turned a blind eye for 8 years and it was the most stupid decision ever, in the end she had to tell me I was so blinkered. Just challenge her, but after you have your ducks in a row - she cant deny it if you saw it on her phone...
Reply
#37
Thanks for asking Mr s.....sorry for the late reply....I have wrote this so many times then deleted it. Really struggling atm....I know I need to but how do you start a conversation that is going to change my life and my kids life's for ever more.
Reply
#38
(03-02-2018, 11:37 PM)scottb Wrote: Thanks for asking Mr s.....sorry for the late reply....I have wrote this so many times then deleted it. Really struggling atm....I know I need to but how do you start a conversation that is going to change my life and my kids life's for ever more.

Scott - It starts with "I saw something on your phone that concerned me, we need to discuss how we might fix this, (or what we can do about moving on)..." It isn't ever going to be easy but you will resent her more and more until you snap, and you will regret the years you wasted. She has to fully understand the ramifications of what she had done and if you can, then give her a chance to repair it. If I had acted in a timely manner then I would have been looking for a new partner when I was 40, not 50 like I am now. At 40 I could have found someone in their 30's and maybe even started over, stated a new family. Trust me, those years are crucial for everyone, especially you. It saddens me immensely just thinking about it buddy, but you need to be strong and face your daemons now, to give yourself a chance of living your life fully. If you ever want to talk it through PM me and I'll be happy chat.

Also Scott - My STBXW has told me about all the tricks of trade for cheating, I can clue you in on these. She used to go to certain spa days with one friend, poor phone reception she would say, one or two friends will cover for an affair and sometimes you need to be actively suspicious, not just waiting for the evidence to be presented to you....
Reply




Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)