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Separation and the Internet, mobile devices etc
#21
(11-15-2017, 03:32 PM)watsa64 Wrote:
(11-15-2017, 03:12 PM)Petem Wrote:
(11-15-2017, 02:50 PM)watsa64 Wrote: I don't know if you've mentioned it but it's a good idea to write a daily journal of your interaction with her - both the peaceful and not so peaceful.
Don't get drawn into arguments - remember the 180.
 
Consider a recording app for your phone or a handheld voice recorder.


On the occasions that my ex has been particularly bananas, I've told her that I would like to record our conversation on my phone. It's amazing how rational she suddenly became.


She'd have had to wait for me to download it from the app store, but that's not the point...
I got this list of tips from an American site where they are a bit more hardnosed about it all 
1. Don't react or respond while emotional.
2. Radio Silence
3. Know what you want, work towards that 
4. Listen to the advice of those here, use that in conjunction with what you want, and direct your lawyer appropriately.
5. Let go of the marriage
6. Read. A lot. Here. There. Everywhere.
7. Become familiar with the pitfalls, the weaknesses, the sticky points, the blind spots.
8. Document everything
9. Give no quarter

Is a written record actually worth anything though? Because I could easily write down any old rubbish to make her look bad?

I have considered using the voice recorder and there have been several times where I wish I'd had it.

That time she yelled "fine, you can have her all the time then, I don't care!!"

Still kicking myself for that one.
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#22
(11-15-2017, 04:09 PM)AKentishMan Wrote:
(11-15-2017, 03:32 PM)watsa64 Wrote:
(11-15-2017, 03:12 PM)Petem Wrote:
(11-15-2017, 02:50 PM)watsa64 Wrote: I don't know if you've mentioned it but it's a good idea to write a daily journal of your interaction with her - both the peaceful and not so peaceful.
Don't get drawn into arguments - remember the 180.
 
Consider a recording app for your phone or a handheld voice recorder.


On the occasions that my ex has been particularly bananas, I've told her that I would like to record our conversation on my phone. It's amazing how rational she suddenly became.


She'd have had to wait for me to download it from the app store, but that's not the point...
I got this list of tips from an American site where they are a bit more hardnosed about it all 
1. Don't react or respond while emotional.
2. Radio Silence
3. Know what you want, work towards that 
4. Listen to the advice of those here, use that in conjunction with what you want, and direct your lawyer appropriately.
5. Let go of the marriage
6. Read. A lot. Here. There. Everywhere.
7. Become familiar with the pitfalls, the weaknesses, the sticky points, the blind spots.
8. Document everything
9. Give no quarter

Is a written record actually worth anything though? Because I could easily write down any old rubbish to make her look bad?

I have considered using the voice recorder and there have been several times where I wish I'd had it.

That time she yelled "fine, you can have her all the time then, I don't care!!"

Still kicking myself for that one.

I'm also a hoarder of screenshots. Every nasty text or message that I've had from her since the day I left are all in a safe place. I may never need them, but I'd rather that than the other way around.
Reply
#23
(11-15-2017, 04:40 PM)Petem Wrote:
(11-15-2017, 04:09 PM)AKentishMan Wrote:
(11-15-2017, 03:32 PM)watsa64 Wrote:
(11-15-2017, 03:12 PM)Petem Wrote:
(11-15-2017, 02:50 PM)watsa64 Wrote: I don't know if you've mentioned it but it's a good idea to write a daily journal of your interaction with her - both the peaceful and not so peaceful.
Don't get drawn into arguments - remember the 180.
 
Consider a recording app for your phone or a handheld voice recorder.


On the occasions that my ex has been particularly bananas, I've told her that I would like to record our conversation on my phone. It's amazing how rational she suddenly became.


She'd have had to wait for me to download it from the app store, but that's not the point...
I got this list of tips from an American site where they are a bit more hardnosed about it all 
1. Don't react or respond while emotional.
2. Radio Silence
3. Know what you want, work towards that 
4. Listen to the advice of those here, use that in conjunction with what you want, and direct your lawyer appropriately.
5. Let go of the marriage
6. Read. A lot. Here. There. Everywhere.
7. Become familiar with the pitfalls, the weaknesses, the sticky points, the blind spots.
8. Document everything
9. Give no quarter

Is a written record actually worth anything though? Because I could easily write down any old rubbish to make her look bad?

I have considered using the voice recorder and there have been several times where I wish I'd had it.

That time she yelled "fine, you can have her all the time then, I don't care!!"

Still kicking myself for that one.

I'm also a hoarder of screenshots. Every nasty text or message that I've had from her since the day I left are all in a safe place. I may never need them, but I'd rather that than the other way around.

I keep written records of all the big arguments and the nights she spends away with her new man.
Once she told me she wanted me out of the house I bought a voice recorder and kept it on me all times.

All  communication is now done via email.

Things are settling down now as the house is sold but you can't let your guard down.
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