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Something good?
#1
This makes a change from some of the more negative issues that we have to deal with - has anything good come from your situation?

For me the most obvious one is a real improvement in my relationship with my kids. Throughout my marriage I was dominated and controlled by my wife, who would make me feel useless and totally unable to cope without her. Sadly this continued when we had children and had a serious effect on me being a father. But since I left that's changed. I've actually had the chance to develop genuine relationships with my kids, rather than just how their mother decided we should behave. I realised that being a dad was more than a string of jobs and responsibilities, or the ordeal which my ex had made it into.

But for me the big thing is that though my separation I've become more involved in my Trade Union, to the extent now that I'm now a workplace representative for one of the biggest in the country. I just thought one day that no-one should ever feel as if they haven't got anybody to turn to in a time of crisis, or that they have to fight for something without support or somebody by their side.
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#2
(11-03-2017, 02:06 AM)Petem Wrote: This makes a change from some of the more negative issues that we have to deal with - has anything good come from your situation?

For me the most obvious one is a real improvement in my relationship with my kids. Throughout my marriage I was dominated and controlled by my wife, who would make me feel useless and totally unable to cope without her. Sadly this continued when we had children and had a serious effect on me being a father. But since I left that's changed. I've actually had the chance to develop genuine relationships with my kids, rather than just how their mother decided we should behave. I realised that being a dad was more than a string of jobs and responsibilities, or the ordeal which my ex had made it into.

But for me the big thing is that though my separation I've become more involved in my Trade Union, to the extent now that I'm now a workplace representative for one of the biggest in the country. I just thought one day that no-one should ever feel as if they haven't got anybody to turn to in a time of crisis, or that they have to fight for something without support or somebody by their side.

I've found exactly the same actually. My wife was always very controlling 'it was her way or no way' and that's probably what started to drive us apart when kids came along. Everyone is different and has different ways of dealing with having kids, and how those kids should be brought up etc. Unfortunately my wife couldn't ever accept this and it definitely affected my mood which in turn affected the quality time i spent with my kids. 

It's been so refreshing to just have the kids on my own, speak to them how i feel i should, do everything with them the way i want and basically say to her, "sod you, this is my way now, deal with it'. My relationship with my kids has become so much tighter now there's no-one butting in correcting or contradicting me. 

And looking at the big picture, this is THE most important thing. None of the other stuff (money, houses, cars fighting) actually matters at all.
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#3
Guys this is good to hear and that's great that your time with the kids is better now...I think this will be the same for me when we do separate...so much I can't do with them cause she thinks "it'll cost to much" or "don't have the time we need to be back for my work" or "it'll make too much mess I've just cleaned the house" or" no your not getting that " I'm a typical dad yes ok you can have it ? or ok can do that but need to clean up before your mother gets home ? I am really looking forward to do what we want when we want and by then what I want or can afford.....thanks guys for this post...helps ALOT
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#4
(11-03-2017, 10:47 AM)scottb Wrote: Guys this is good to hear and that's great that your time with the kids is better now...I think this will be the same for me when we do separate...so much I can't do with them cause she thinks "it'll cost to much" or "don't have the time we need to be back for my work" or "it'll make too much mess I've just cleaned the house" or" no your not getting that "  I'm a typical dad yes ok you can have it ? or ok can do that but need to clean up before your mother gets home ? I am really looking forward to do what we want when we want and by then what I want or can afford.....thanks guys for this post...helps ALOT

If you're anything like me, in a short while you'll find out just how much fun life can actually be. I was a classic downtrodden husband - withdrawn, henpecked and quite frankly sick of life. But since the split? People can't get over the difference! Literally - EVERYBODY I know says how great it is to have the real me back!

I hadn't realised just how low I'd gotten, mainly because it was a gradual process that eroded my confidence and happiness. But it was only when our relationship ended that it became clear just how much of myself I'd sacrificed over the years. I'm now a far better father, friend, son, brother, or indeed employee that I've been for as long as I remember. 

It's good to be back.

But you'll find your own style and groove. You're right at the at the start of this journey, where you get all the crap and none of gold.

You'll get there. Trust me.
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#5
Yip that's me a classic downtrodden husband alright...good to see your are back bro.....looking forward to seeing some that gold...thanks and I'm sure I will get there...
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