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Daughter/Step-Mum relationship
#1
Hi all,
 
I split from my first wife approximately 7 years ago and we have both remarried. I have an 8 year old daughter from that relationship and all is well on that front.
 
My issue is with my current wife (we have a 6 month old baby together) and her relationship with my daughter.
 
Initially their relationship was amazing and that was part of my attraction towards her, but over time my wife gradually became more resentful/less tolerant of my daughter and ultimately, whether it was sub-consciously or intentional, began to withdraw from her. Over time, fun times have disappeared and her attitude has deteriorated to the point where I worry about them doing anything together because I know it will end in tears. I have also noticed that my family spend less time with us and I suspect that’s because they have grown so weary of my wife’s attitude.
 
It has basically gotten to the point where every little thing is blown massively out of proportion and there have been occasions where I have removed myself and my daughter from her presence because I couldn’t stand the dramatics. Also, more importantly, I don’t want my daughter (and that applies to both of my children actually) raised in a hostile home environment.
 
The new baby has exacerbated the situation as my wife neglects my daughter more than ever and I’m at my wits end figuring out what to do? I was reluctant to get pregnant in the first place as I suspected this would happen, but I felt backed into a corner as for health reasons it was pretty much now or never for my wife to have a baby.
 
Anyway, what’s done is done, but short of separating – which is an absolute last resort, what can I do?
 
On one hand I want to make things work and would love for us to become a family rather than an assortment of parts, but on the other hand I can’t see that happening and being totally honest, I don’t like this version of my wife.
 
As ridiculous as this might sound, it feels like I’ve been “cat-fished” into the pregnancy and I’m now trapped in a situation that I don’t want to be in.
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#2
That sounds like a tough situation to be in.....sounds like a hormonal thing....maybe a trip to the docs or therapy might help her....
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#3
Find a 'neutral' friend who has seen your wife change over the years and ask them to help out with a quiet word.

Also research borderline personality disorder so you know what you are dealing with ... may not be that but good place to start

If that fails, your wife will have to recognize there is a problem ... maybe Post Natal depression which can be for 2 years after the birth

Good luck mate
"Being a good father, for its own sake, does not require your ex to see it or agree"
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#4
Family therapy my man, worth getting someone to help talk things through as a group.

Also lots of books out there to help with conflict resolution, I recommend one called Non Violent Communication - worth every minute you'll spend with it
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#5
Sounds like now she has a child of her own, all she wants to do is spend time with her own blood now rather than the step daughter
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#6
Talk to your wife and explain she is the adult and that your daughter is still a huge part of your life and always will be.

Try and find an activity that they both enjoy and give them some time together to rebuild the relationship.
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#7
Very difficult situation. Also consider if there is an element of jealousy going on for your attention.
As strange as it sounds I have felt my wife was somehow jealous of her own daughter.

She was a super mum to her daughter, it was just that she never seemed happy with me developing too much of a bond with her.

I imagine it will be a hundred times more sensitive with a stepdaughter.
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