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Conduct agreements in mediation
#1
Hi All,
I saw a thread earlier about post divorce conduct and it got me thinking. Ive got mediation tomorrow, and Im thinking a conduct agreement would be perfect. My ex is a talker, she loves to tell everyone and anyone what a bad person I am for wanting shared residency. Whilst I dont personally care what she says, my daughter has come out with some strange comments recently, what does concern me is she bad mouths me to the childminder and clearly in front of my daughter.
Since mediation is not legally binding and I couldnt prove anything unless someone is willing to act as a witness, am I just spinning my wheels here? she wouldnt stop backstabbing me during our relationship so is there any point in trying this? Anyone else bothered with something like this?
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#2
That was me with the original post Smile

True, nothing you agree in this way is enforceable, but I'm hoping it sets the stage a little about how I will behave and how I would like my ex to behave. Setting expectations now about what you believe to be the best way to conduct yourself leads to less issues later. And of course if you bring it up in mediation as something to be discussed and amended until you both agree, you should hopefully get more buy in.

You can also mention the recent parental alienation news stories to put the wind up her if you want.
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#3
Thats exactly my thought, it sets the tone. My problem is, from experience, the mere suggestion would invite a flurry of questions to find out and refute the claims. I will of course not indulge as there will be an excuse for everything so Ill just ask that we not engage in backstabbing/alienation [diplomatically]. The issue is really that ex will say things in front of my daughter, she really genuinely believes what she is saying even though she hasnt asked or attempted to find out the truth, most of the time I dont even know about until some/daughter says something weeks/months later. All messed up really so all I can do is try.
Good luck with yours.
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#4
Stick to generalities, don't go into specifics. I mentioned "We will both refer to the other parent respectfully" for example. Try to sell it as an advantage that goes both ways, get her to contribute and with luck you'll get something you can both agree on. I've often reminded my ex that we'll have to have a relationship of some sort for the rest of our lives and quite a large one until the kids are grown up, best to make things as easy for everyone as possible.

Good luck to you too Smile
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