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Separation Questions for Dad and son
#1
Hi,
My wife and I have decided to separate. My head is all over the place, but...
The good news for me, is that my son will live with me and my wife will see him every other weekend (my son and I are incredibly close).

I guess I am looking for advice, guidance and general things to be aware of, for my immediate future. I am worried that my wife will shaft me alone the way, even though it appears very amicable right now. 

i.e.
If he lives with me, do I decided on most of the very day things for him?
If my wife and I draw up an agreement for her to see him each month, what happens if she breaks that agreement?

Thank you.
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#2
Hey

Best start a new thread for each question... get better answers that way

Well done for getting residential custody of the kid... you are in a position most on here would give their right arm for
I'll help with the first 2 questions ... then post again as they come up

How old is he by the way?

Legally you have both the same rights until you go to court (you don't need to so don't unless it turns nasty)
Therefore he may live with you but things that impact him shoudl be discussed as parents (education, culture, medical) but practically you decide small stuff like what you cook for his tea and if he goes to the party when he is with you and she decides when he is with her... relax and DO NOT try to control what happens when she is with him.... shes a good mum last week and will be a good one next week
If you draw up a 'Family based agreement' its not enforceable so can change at any time and if she breaks it ... nothing... same if you break it

Best to sit down and be sensible and flexible and put the kid first ... you having custody is huge advantage if she tries to shaft you
"Being a good father, for its own sake, does not require your ex to see it or agree"
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#3
(11-23-2017, 11:51 AM)LTCDAD Wrote: Hey

Best start a new thread for each question... get better answers that way

Well done for getting residential custody of the kid... you are in a position most on here would give their right arm for
I'll help with the first 2 questions ... then post again as they come up

How old is he by the way?

Legally you have both the same rights until you go to court (you don't need to so don't unless it turns nasty)
Therefore he may live with you but things that impact him shoudl be discussed as parents (education, culture, medical) but practically you decide small stuff like what you cook for his tea and if he goes to the party when he is with you and she decides when he is with her... relax and DO NOT try to control what happens when she is with him.... shes a good mum last week and will be a good one next week
If you draw up a 'Family based agreement' its not enforceable so can change at any time and if she breaks it ... nothing... same if you break it

Best to sit down and be sensible and flexible and put the kid first ... you having custody is huge advantage if she tries to shaft you

Wow. Great reply and thank you. I'm sure you and everyone on here can appreciate, it's a stressful time. I'll keep returning with questions...
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#4
Mate, that's awesome - the fact that your ex let you have custody of your son straight away and without a fight is something I am very envious of (but in a good way, if that makes sense, you are basically well lucky!)

There's not much I can add to LTCDAD's comments, but I would expect that your ex would be liable to pay you Child Maintenance, seeing as you have residential care of your son. It's based on the number of overnight stays the non-residential parent has - so the more they have the child, the cost they have to pay goes down.

For 50/50 shared care, that figure basically goes down to zero.

So might be worth looking in to that, and if she starts getting sh1tty you can tell her to look in to it herself!

Has she moved out yet? If so, that can be viewed as abandoning the child, and a judge would be less likely to change the status quo once it has been established.

It may be worth having a chat with a solicitor, just to get the legal standpoint on things - most offer a free 30 minute consultation, but I'd recommend finding one that specializes in family law first of all.
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#5
I think I'd want evidence that he lives with you, just in case she ever tries to shaft you. Some kind of written agreement would help. Also make sure lots of things are registered for him at your address. Do all the stuff a resident parent can - eg you can open a savings account for him where they get money from the government to start it and savings are tax free - only the resident parent can do that. And you may have to sign to say you're the resident parent when opening the account. That's evidence too. Make sure his Doctor and dentist are registered with your address - as son's home. That kind of thing.

If she breaks an agreement then there is no longer an agreement basically and you would probably need to apply to court - hence evidence that he lives with you would help. The agreement may help in court though. Before going to court people have to go to mediation. If an agreement can be reached at mediation that can be put into a consent order and stamped by the court. A mediator might help get the agreement back on track.

I think I'd be a bit worried that she may just not send him back, if she changed her mind so as AKentishman says - maybe get some legal advice.
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#6
Sorry to hear about the sepertion....but that's great your boy will live with you.
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