Poll: report her or not
call the social
dont call the social and just use it as evidence in court
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HELP should i call social services ?????
Hi all 

this is my first post and im wondering if anyone can help . 

i have been separated from the mother of my twins for 5 years now . through the whole time i have been subjected to mental abuse . in my eyes she doesn't look after the children as well as she could but is a total narcissist so always find a very nasty and evil way to throw things back my way . 

this week on Tuesday my son said he had hurt his arm but his mum said he does not need to go to the doctors . this usually worries me as i know she is super lazy . after a couple of days of asking my son to show me his arm he finally did . i was shocked to see a heavily swollen arm . i asked for some more pictures and said i would take him to to the hospital . 10 mins later he replied to my message saying his mum is going to take him tomorrow and that i shouldn't worry because it looks worse than it is sais his mum . 

yesterday (4 days after the accident occurred) she took him and it turned out he indeed has a broken arm . i have been used to sorting there medical needs out as much as i can over the years but my powers are limited due to control from there mum . this incident has ccome after finding out that my other sons eyes have become worse due to there mum not taking him to get his glasses fixed for a month . the boys are now hiding these things from me . i think this is because of things there mum must say to them after i take them to appointments .

i have reported her before for scaring the children and stressing them out . 

this might seem really badly written and might seem like a stupid question but should i report her again for neglect ?

any comments or help would be greatly appreciated .

thank you all 

I think it is something you would want to do. The more that is on record about these things the better. However. It's tricky. They might not do anything in particular, particularly over an eye test that got delayed and she could make some excuse about the arm not looking too bad. Is she likely to stop contact if you report her? I don't know really. But it is neglect so maybe you should report it.

I was in a similar position once - but nothing as clearcut as a broken arm - and worried that if she stopped contact and the kids were in her care I couldn't keep an eye on them. Some advice I had was to get social services to come to the house and talk to them when they are with you - but I didn't need to in the end. Thing is - if it's something really serious, the idea is get them round to the house to talk to the kids there and they can tell you to keep them there while they get an emergency order. But I don't think they'd do that for a broken arm - unless your ex broke it and kid said that's what happened. However if you report it to social services and she does stop contact, you can then ask social services to keep an eye on things until you get a court order and could apply for an urgent order yourself.

So - thinking it through. Yes I think you should.
I have to agree with Charlie7000, you should report it. I should think though, that you could report it but ask to remain anonymous. She can stop contact - should she believe it was you who made the report - but court action is always a possibility. What isn't right is that she keeps treating the children in this way. Ultimately, Social Services could provide support through a Family Support Worker or Team Around the Family. It could prove to be a benefit in the medium to long term.

Be strong.
thank you everyone for your help and time . really means the world to me man
I'll tell you this, I had some malicious reports about us to social services. They (social services) offered help rather than anything else. So, I don't think you should hesitate to report to them. It is after all your children's lives.
It is best to report things rather than not. I usually email the relevant team or a call in. Mark it as info only and end with ie " I would grateful for any advice in relation to this matter, Thank you."
I work with in this setting, However being on the other side of the fence and having to deal with the local authority as a father and parent they dont really act on such matters or take things as of concern and when they do it is taken way out of context and trigger assessments when not necessary.
Through experience going through this whole court process its good that all children's welfare concerns are reported.
Remember to take note of time, day and who you spoke too and follow up with a email.

Good luck with everything
When I put myself in your position there is one inescapable truth I cant avoid. No matter how much I want to keep the peace, avoid conflict or appease the ex, a broken arm thats left for days is inexcusable and needs to be reported. It might be a broken arm today but what happens next time when its a concussion or head injury. Do what you think is best for your children as everything else is irrelevant, regardless of the problems it might cause. Kids come first. Do it and dont have an ounce of guilt, its the right thing to do.
Well Said Naive.

I'm sorry to say he's absolutely right. If it's a broken arm today, what will it be next time round? Even a broken arm is - in the wrong circumstances - a dangerous thing and none of us would leave a broken arm for days before seeking attention. I'm glad that Naive and Asd1270 have the opinion they do. Reporting to social services is never pleasant, but your aim is the protection of the welfare of your children, not the denigration of your ex.
Yep ... call them.. clear .. what else would need to happen above a broken arm for it to be a warning sign
"Being a good father, for its own sake, does not require your ex to see it or agree"
It need not be a broken arm. It depends how the break happened and what happened after as in this case. A good warning sign is when parents don't seek treatment for their children.

And since you ask, at the very worst extreme, ER doctors will look at what kind of break it is. A spiral fracture though rarer can generally only occur as a result of someone manhandling a child.

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