Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
ex causing problems
#1
i am hopeing that someone could advise me on the following 

Myself and my ex (not married )  had been together aprox 15yrs she had 4 children and we had 2 together over the yrs as her children grew up they left home to get there independence met partners etc  which then left myself and my ex and 1 of her children and our 2 children living at home  I have always worked and been in a good paid job she has never worked  about 2 yrs ago I found out my partner was talking to someone on line in america and she had made plans to go over to see him she had booked flights etc for her and my 9 yr old daughter but not told anyone including my daughter she was just going to up and go like i said i found out by chance looking on past history on our laptop 
i found this out on the sunday and she was flying on the following thursday i immediately confronted her about this and she moved out taking my daughter with her she moved in to her mothers so i contacted the solicitor who got me an emergency hearing at the courts and i had to get a private detective to serve her the court papers because she had moved about 60 miles away any how in court she was told by the judge that she was not allowed to take our daughter out of the country at all this cost me over £1500 but was well worth it   even when she moved out she never told any of our sons she was just going to up and leave 

I was seeing my daughter on a regular basis every week with overnight stays etc sometimes having her as much as up to 10 days on the trot which was great   she got her own place and my daughter was living with her but my son and her son they was aged 14yrs our son and 16yrs her son would not have anything to do with her because of what she had done and like they said what mother would just up and leave there sons without telling them anything  anyhow my ex started letting me have my daughter more and more and i knew that something wasnt right it was because she had started seeing someone else so my daughter got put on the back burner  while she was seeing this other guy  then all of a sudden she told my daughter that she was seeing someone else and wanted my daughter to meet him my daughter said No i dont want to meet him i want to go to my dads so my ex started being funny with her and trying to force her to meet him my daughter still said No  when he comes i want to go to my dads she said ok  but then he started coming at night and stopping my daughter didnt like this and wouldnt talk to him or do anything with him eventually this caused problems and one day she come to my house with a mark on her leg and she said that her mum had smacked her because she wouldnt get in his car  i was fuming so i phoned my ex and told her she wasnt coming back  so i kept her eventually she said she was sorry and i took her back but then she started being funny with us and stopped my daughter coming and when she did let her it was only for a couple of days a week  my daughter ran off from her mother because her boyfreind moved in with her and my daughter wouldnt talk to him or do anything with them again i kept her because she was unhappy and her mum was shouting at her all the time  so she took me to court and we was given a first hearing and the court decided that we should share her until a court heraing and reports was made  that was ok because she couldnt stop my daughter from coming to see me  but when we went to the main hearing a few weeks later she came up with all lies and told the courts she wanted residency and would allow me to have my daughter 1 day a week my solicitor spoke to me and said we all know what your daughter wants whch is to live with you and her brothers and visit her mum so we will also go in for residency as well which we did but the twist to the tale was we agreed to me seeing my daughter 1 day a week but we asked the judge if he would grant a section 7 wishes and feelings report my exs solicitor oposed this but the judge granted us a section 7 and said he feels my daughter is at an age 11yrs old that she can voice her feelings so we said thank you and left court we sat in the waiting area at court and my exs solicitor came up to my solicitor and asked for a word my solicitor told me to wait my solicitor came back and and said she has offered you  2 days a week but i have refused that and said we was happy with the section 7 to go ahead after some tooing and frowing we eventually agreed on  1 week i have her tuesday for tea then she comes to stop thursday friday saturday and sunday and i drop her off at school on the monday  she has her monday night and tuesday night then i pick her up from school on wednesday and she stops with me wednesday thursday and i drop her at school on friday the her mum has her friday night sat sun mon and then i pick her up for tea on the tuesday and the process starts again  so we put this in front of the judge and he agreed to this and on the court order it says that we have a shared care agreement living with me and living with her mum this happened in November last year 2015 since then my daughter has come as clockwork but doesnt want to ever go back and i have to explain to her that its a court order and if i dont take her back i would be breaking the order and they may stop her coming so she goes back reluctantly  my ex has now got a part time job and i have my daughter extra days now and then but my daughter still doesnt want to go back she says she hates it at her mums she still wont talk to my exs boyfreind  and my ex shouts at her a lot because she wont talk to him or do anything with him  and when she is with me she has loads of freinds who she plays with all the time she has her brothers who love her dearly and she loves them yet when she goes back to her mums she isnt allowed to go out because her mum is frightened that she will run away and come to mine  her brothers still dont have anything to do with thier mum even though the eldest is her son and not mine biologically but i treat him as my son and he treats me as his dad we all have a fantastic relationship with each other my daughter is clearly unhappy at her mums and keeps asking me to go back to court to get her to be able to live with us i have  explained that even if she does come to live with us she will still have to go and see her mum and although she says she doesnt want too she understands she has too  my ex recieves all the benefits for our daughter family allowance child tax credit working tax credits etc and up until we had our final appearance in court i gave her between £50 and £100 per week for our daughter as well as buying her clothes shoes etc  but now i have stopped that because i get shared care so i shouldnt have to give her anyhing for our daughter but i still buy her clothes shoes etc  but my ex has never ever given me a penny for our son who is 16yrs old now and is starting colledge so i could claim off her  i go to all the events at our daughters school sports days meetings etc and she forwards all the forms etc for any fees she has to pay for trips etc   My feelings are that she only wants our daughter living with her so she can get the benefits for her if she didnt get the benefits i believe she wouldnt want our daughter 

the main reason i have explained the above is so you know the story  because the problem i have now is my ex has started being awkward again the likes of if our daughter gets a form from schoolwhich needs filling in she says its her who should be filling it in and trying to dictate what i should and shouldnt do  my daughter broke her finger playing a game and she took her to hospital she didnt tell me until they was back home when in reality she should have informed me straight away like i would her she wouldnt let me take or go with her the next day for a return visit to the hospital if my daughter wants her hair cutting or anything like that she goes mad because i should ask her first she says  when truth be told my daughter has very long hair and i take her to have the split ends taken off  not have her head shaved  she doesnt inform me about events at school even though she doesnt attend them i still want too like last week was my daughters sports day and because i didnt know i didnt go when she told me it was her sports day why didnt i turn up i said i didnt know and she said i told mum to txt you to tell you  but she didnt  the only time i get to know anything is if it costs money  my ex seams to think that she has the sole care of our daughter and doesnt have to tell me anything when in reality we have a shared care order from the courts and that should mean we keep each other informed about all things that concern our daughter  especially things like hospital visits illness etc 

i am honestly thinking about returning to court to ask for a section 7 wishes and feelings report in hope that my daughter can get what she wants which is to live with me and her brothers  andvisit her mum on set days  but i dont want to go to court and lose any of what i have 

anyones thoughts on the above will be greatly appreciated 

Regards
Reply
#2
(06-30-2016, 10:35 AM)billy Wrote: i am hopeing that someone could advise me on the following 

Myself and my ex (not married )  had been together aprox 15yrs she had 4 children and we had 2 together over the yrs as her children grew up they left home to get there independence met partners etc  which then left myself and my ex and 1 of her children and our 2 children living at home  I have always worked and been in a good paid job she has never worked  about 2 yrs ago I found out my partner was talking to someone on line in america and she had made plans to go over to see him she had booked flights etc for her and my 9 yr old daughter but not told anyone including my daughter she was just going to up and go like i said i found out by chance looking on past history on our laptop 
i found this out on the sunday and she was flying on the following thursday i immediately confronted her about this and she moved out taking my daughter with her she moved in to her mothers so i contacted the solicitor who got me an emergency hearing at the courts and i had to get a private detective to serve her the court papers because she had moved about 60 miles away any how in court she was told by the judge that she was not allowed to take our daughter out of the country at all this cost me over £1500 but was well worth it   even when she moved out she never told any of our sons she was just going to up and leave 

I was seeing my daughter on a regular basis every week with overnight stays etc sometimes having her as much as up to 10 days on the trot which was great   she got her own place and my daughter was living with her but my son and her son they was aged 14yrs our son and 16yrs her son would not have anything to do with her because of what she had done and like they said what mother would just up and leave there sons without telling them anything  anyhow my ex started letting me have my daughter more and more and i knew that something wasnt right it was because she had started seeing someone else so my daughter got put on the back burner  while she was seeing this other guy  then all of a sudden she told my daughter that she was seeing someone else and wanted my daughter to meet him my daughter said No i dont want to meet him i want to go to my dads so my ex started being funny with her and trying to force her to meet him my daughter still said No  when he comes i want to go to my dads she said ok  but then he started coming at night and stopping my daughter didnt like this and wouldnt talk to him or do anything with him eventually this caused problems and one day she come to my house with a mark on her leg and she said that her mum had smacked her because she wouldnt get in his car  i was fuming so i phoned my ex and told her she wasnt coming back  so i kept her eventually she said she was sorry and i took her back but then she started being funny with us and stopped my daughter coming and when she did let her it was only for a couple of days a week  my daughter ran off from her mother because her boyfreind moved in with her and my daughter wouldnt talk to him or do anything with them again i kept her because she was unhappy and her mum was shouting at her all the time  so she took me to court and we was given a first hearing and the court decided that we should share her until a court heraing and reports was made  that was ok because she couldnt stop my daughter from coming to see me  but when we went to the main hearing a few weeks later she came up with all lies and told the courts she wanted residency and would allow me to have my daughter 1 day a week my solicitor spoke to me and said we all know what your daughter wants whch is to live with you and her brothers and visit her mum so we will also go in for residency as well which we did but the twist to the tale was we agreed to me seeing my daughter 1 day a week but we asked the judge if he would grant a section 7 wishes and feelings report my exs solicitor oposed this but the judge granted us a section 7 and said he feels my daughter is at an age 11yrs old that she can voice her feelings so we said thank you and left court we sat in the waiting area at court and my exs solicitor came up to my solicitor and asked for a word my solicitor told me to wait my solicitor came back and and said she has offered you  2 days a week but i have refused that and said we was happy with the section 7 to go ahead after some tooing and frowing we eventually agreed on  1 week i have her tuesday for tea then she comes to stop thursday friday saturday and sunday and i drop her off at school on the monday  she has her monday night and tuesday night then i pick her up from school on wednesday and she stops with me wednesday thursday and i drop her at school on friday the her mum has her friday night sat sun mon and then i pick her up for tea on the tuesday and the process starts again  so we put this in front of the judge and he agreed to this and on the court order it says that we have a shared care agreement living with me and living with her mum this happened in November last year 2015 since then my daughter has come as clockwork but doesnt want to ever go back and i have to explain to her that its a court order and if i dont take her back i would be breaking the order and they may stop her coming so she goes back reluctantly  my ex has now got a part time job and i have my daughter extra days now and then but my daughter still doesnt want to go back she says she hates it at her mums she still wont talk to my exs boyfreind  and my ex shouts at her a lot because she wont talk to him or do anything with him  and when she is with me she has loads of freinds who she plays with all the time she has her brothers who love her dearly and she loves them yet when she goes back to her mums she isnt allowed to go out because her mum is frightened that she will run away and come to mine  her brothers still dont have anything to do with thier mum even though the eldest is her son and not mine biologically but i treat him as my son and he treats me as his dad we all have a fantastic relationship with each other my daughter is clearly unhappy at her mums and keeps asking me to go back to court to get her to be able to live with us i have  explained that even if she does come to live with us she will still have to go and see her mum and although she says she doesnt want too she understands she has too  my ex recieves all the benefits for our daughter family allowance child tax credit working tax credits etc and up until we had our final appearance in court i gave her between £50 and £100 per week for our daughter as well as buying her clothes shoes etc  but now i have stopped that because i get shared care so i shouldnt have to give her anyhing for our daughter but i still buy her clothes shoes etc  but my ex has never ever given me a penny for our son who is 16yrs old now and is starting colledge so i could claim off her  i go to all the events at our daughters school sports days meetings etc and she forwards all the forms etc for any fees she has to pay for trips etc   My feelings are that she only wants our daughter living with her so she can get the benefits for her if she didnt get the benefits i believe she wouldnt want our daughter 

the main reason i have explained the above is so you know the story  because the problem i have now is my ex has started being awkward again the likes of if our daughter gets a form from schoolwhich needs filling in she says its her who should be filling it in and trying to dictate what i should and shouldnt do  my daughter broke her finger playing a game and she took her to hospital she didnt tell me until they was back home when in reality she should have informed me straight away like i would her she wouldnt let me take or go with her the next day for a return visit to the hospital if my daughter wants her hair cutting or anything like that she goes mad because i should ask her first she says  when truth be told my daughter has very long hair and i take her to have the split ends taken off  not have her head shaved  she doesnt inform me about events at school even though she doesnt attend them i still want too like last week was my daughters sports day and because i didnt know i didnt go when she told me it was her sports day why didnt i turn up i said i didnt know and she said i told mum to txt you to tell you  but she didnt  the only time i get to know anything is if it costs money  my ex seams to think that she has the sole care of our daughter and doesnt have to tell me anything when in reality we have a shared care order from the courts and that should mean we keep each other informed about all things that concern our daughter  especially things like hospital visits illness etc 

i am honestly thinking about returning to court to ask for a section 7 wishes and feelings report in hope that my daughter can get what she wants which is to live with me and her brothers  andvisit her mum on set days  but i dont want to go to court and lose any of what i have 

anyones thoughts on the above will be greatly appreciated 

Regards


As a Child Arrangements Order has been made, the only way forward would be an application to Vary. There is a very strict remit on this, where you would have to show "significant" reason for it to be looked at again. Only events since the last order was made can be considered for part of this. You appear to have a case due to a change in your daughters feelings to make the application, and get an updated "wishes and desires".

Under the law of the country, you need to financially support both your children, and you ex has to support all of hers. This can be done by agreement between yourselves or by the person getting the Child Benefit instucting CMS.

This happens until the child stops getting Child Benefit. By default it stops the summer after the turn 16, but the parent is invited to apply for "Education Run On". This is awarded when the young person is in "approved" education (details on dot gov website) for 12 hours a week, and not working 24 hours or more in term time. This carries on until the course ends, or the summer after their 19th birthday.

In your situation, it should be dealt with as 2 separate payments.

You should be paying Child Support for your daughter (while your ex gets her Child Benefit), and the amount would be based on your income, it would consider your son while you still get Child Benefit for him, and then would take into account how much staying contact you have with your daughter.

Your ex should be paying you Child Support for your son while you get Child Benefit for him, considering her own income, the number of children she gets child benefit for, and then staying contact your son has with her would come into it.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
Reply


Possibly Related Threads...
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  Mediation applied = ex starts causing trouble Naive 2 3,184 09-27-2019, 06:45 AM
Last Post: Naive



Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)