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What a mess
#1
Good morning all,

Oh dear where do i start??  Firstly i might say that I have been the primary carer for my sons with her working long hours for the past 7 years to my 7 and 9 year old boys, looking after their every need with schools and everything else. And even with our youngest knows no difference at all without dad there, my 9 year old just doesnt know what to believe.

 I finally caught up with my wife's 9 month long affair whilst on a family holiday with our two sons, at which time she took my boys back to our hotel room and told them that "Dad keeps hitting me, so we cant be a family anymore" then she took our boys home leaving me stranded for 3 days.

When i returned home she had taken the boys to her parents. I have in the past month had any one on one time with them, probably because she's worried that i'd tell them the truth. the divorce reasons stated adultery and i fell for her tears not to name him in proceedings even though i had plenty of evidence who it was, with times places and everything else, including photos. and was led to believe if I didnt name him she would make contact really easy. This of course did not materialize. i own 25% of our home with her the same and her parents owning the other 50%, and now hes taking steps to sell our property. Hes perusing this course now because he believes her sick lies, i personally dont blame him. I have information that shes hiding bank accounts, and that she and he had spent a lot of money in the previos 9 months out of our family money.

This is going to be long long long struggle , and I just needed to share this.

Thanks Phil
Reply
#2
(06-30-2016, 10:42 AM)Phil Bassett Wrote: Good morning all,

Oh dear where do i start??  Firstly i might say that I have been the primary carer for my sons with her working long hours for the past 7 years to my 7 and 9 year old boys, looking after their every need with schools and everything else. And even with our youngest knows no difference at all without dad there, my 9 year old just doesnt know what to believe.

 I finally caught up with my wife's 9 month long affair whilst on a family holiday with our two sons, at which time she took my boys back to our hotel room and told them that "Dad keeps hitting me, so we cant be a family anymore" then she took our boys home leaving me stranded for 3 days.

When i returned home she had taken the boys to her parents. I have in the past month had any one on one time with them, probably because she's worried that i'd tell them the truth. the divorce reasons stated adultery and i fell for her tears not to name him in proceedings even though i had plenty of evidence who it was, with times places and everything else, including photos. and was led to believe if I didnt name him she would make contact really easy. This of course did not materialize. i own 25% of our home with her the same and her parents owning the other 50%, and now hes taking steps to sell our property. Hes perusing this course now because he believes her sick lies, i personally dont blame him. I have information that shes hiding bank accounts, and that she and he had spent a lot of money in the previos 9 months out of our family money.

This is going to be long long long struggle , and I just needed to share this.

Thanks Phil

You are going to need to get Formal Child Arrangements in place, and my advise is to try going direct to court, under "Conduct, Other" rules.

The affair and money side of things does not have a bearing on the application, and the court will not be interested in that. However, the children being told you hit her is.

You need to decide if you want to go for Residency, some sort of shared care or just a typical contact situation. At the first hearing you will be Ordered to put in Position Statements where you put forward what you want, and in the case of Residency or shared care, a fall back position if that fails.

Due to the ages of the children, their "needs and wishes" can not come into it, but you can ask the Court to put in a Guardian (Cafcass or Social Worker) who will then get a Solicitor paid for by legal aid, to look after the children's best interests.  If this happens (or if the Children are known to Social Services already), the court will also Order a Section 7. You will then go back for Directions, where the Judge might try to get a deal sorted out. If you do not agree on anything in Statements/Reports, you can then ask for them to be put down for a "finding of fact" hearing.  It will then go to a Final Hearing if not resolved.

If any shared care order is made, then it will be hard for them to force a sale of the house via court, until the youngest child leaves full time education.
If an application is made to force a sale before the Child Arrangements is sorted, you need to make the court aware. If an order still happens, you can apply to stay it if you get shared care or residency.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
Reply
#3
(06-30-2016, 11:48 AM)MarkR Wrote:
(06-30-2016, 10:42 AM)Phil Bassett Wrote: Good morning all,

Oh dear where do i start??  Firstly i might say that I have been the primary carer for my sons with her working long hours for the past 7 years to my 7 and 9 year old boys, looking after their every need with schools and everything else. And even with our youngest knows no difference at all without dad there, my 9 year old just doesnt know what to believe.

 I finally caught up with my wife's 9 month long affair whilst on a family holiday with our two sons, at which time she took my boys back to our hotel room and told them that "Dad keeps hitting me, so we cant be a family anymore" then she took our boys home leaving me stranded for 3 days.

When i returned home she had taken the boys to her parents. I have in the past month had any one on one time with them, probably because she's worried that i'd tell them the truth. the divorce reasons stated adultery and i fell for her tears not to name him in proceedings even though i had plenty of evidence who it was, with times places and everything else, including photos. and was led to believe if I didnt name him she would make contact really easy. This of course did not materialize. i own 25% of our home with her the same and her parents owning the other 50%, and now hes taking steps to sell our property. Hes perusing this course now because he believes her sick lies, i personally dont blame him. I have information that shes hiding bank accounts, and that she and he had spent a lot of money in the previos 9 months out of our family money.

This is going to be long long long struggle , and I just needed to share this.

Thanks Phil

You are going to need to get Formal Child Arrangements in place, and my advise is to try going direct to court, under "Conduct, Other" rules.

The affair and money side of things does not have a bearing on the application, and the court will not be interested in that. However, the children being told you hit her is.

You need to decide if you want to go for Residency, some sort of shared care or just a typical contact situation. At the first hearing you will be Ordered to put in Position Statements where you put forward what you want, and in the case of Residency or shared care, a fall back position if that fails.

Due to the ages of the children, their "needs and wishes" can not come into it, but you can ask the Court to put in a Guardian (Cafcass or Social Worker) who will then get a Solicitor paid for by legal aid, to look after the children's best interests.  If this happens (or if the Children are known to Social Services already), the court will also Order a Section 7. You will then go back for Directions, where the Judge might try to get a deal sorted out. If you do not agree on anything in Statements/Reports, you can then ask for them to be put down for a "finding of fact" hearing.  It will then go to a Final Hearing if not resolved.

If any shared care order is made, then it will be hard for them to force a sale of the house via court, until the youngest child leaves full time education.
If an application is made to force a sale before the Child Arrangements is sorted, you need to make the court aware. If an order still happens, you can apply to stay it if you get shared care or residency.

Hi Mark, 

A rather worrying update, after a lot of talks and texts with my ex wife, almost blackmailing me on easy access with if i did not name the other party in an adultery petition, decided not to do this, and i guess surprisingly the offers were not forthcoming. I have alot of this discussion on text messages as well. after that she started to talk about a fast sale of our home, again with the promise of shared parenting, this time i wanted our solicitors to draw this agreement up, but that was not going to happen. 
Now with the divorce just started, with unamed person, and no agreement on house have received a letter from her solicitor, with a photo of a very bruised elbow, saying this is what ive done........  Also the sporadic meetings with our boys, she was always present and that has been quoted that this was her way of saying this was supervised access, and she says this should continue.

She has been around our home a lot of times collecting her clothes and some for our boys, now wants to have free access to home, to collect as much boys things as she could, ive never said that she cant come round but because of the trust, well there isnt any.. waiting for a police office to bring her round now..#

Will keep you updated
Reply
#4
(07-03-2016, 10:59 AM)Phil Bassett Wrote:
(06-30-2016, 11:48 AM)MarkR Wrote:
(06-30-2016, 10:42 AM)Phil Bassett Wrote: Good morning all,

Oh dear where do i start??  Firstly i might say that I have been the primary carer for my sons with her working long hours for the past 7 years to my 7 and 9 year old boys, looking after their every need with schools and everything else. And even with our youngest knows no difference at all without dad there, my 9 year old just doesnt know what to believe.

 I finally caught up with my wife's 9 month long affair whilst on a family holiday with our two sons, at which time she took my boys back to our hotel room and told them that "Dad keeps hitting me, so we cant be a family anymore" then she took our boys home leaving me stranded for 3 days.

When i returned home she had taken the boys to her parents. I have in the past month had any one on one time with them, probably because she's worried that i'd tell them the truth. the divorce reasons stated adultery and i fell for her tears not to name him in proceedings even though i had plenty of evidence who it was, with times places and everything else, including photos. and was led to believe if I didnt name him she would make contact really easy. This of course did not materialize. i own 25% of our home with her the same and her parents owning the other 50%, and now hes taking steps to sell our property. Hes perusing this course now because he believes her sick lies, i personally dont blame him. I have information that shes hiding bank accounts, and that she and he had spent a lot of money in the previos 9 months out of our family money.

This is going to be long long long struggle , and I just needed to share this.

Thanks Phil

You are going to need to get Formal Child Arrangements in place, and my advise is to try going direct to court, under "Conduct, Other" rules.

The affair and money side of things does not have a bearing on the application, and the court will not be interested in that. However, the children being told you hit her is.

You need to decide if you want to go for Residency, some sort of shared care or just a typical contact situation. At the first hearing you will be Ordered to put in Position Statements where you put forward what you want, and in the case of Residency or shared care, a fall back position if that fails.

Due to the ages of the children, their "needs and wishes" can not come into it, but you can ask the Court to put in a Guardian (Cafcass or Social Worker) who will then get a Solicitor paid for by legal aid, to look after the children's best interests.  If this happens (or if the Children are known to Social Services already), the court will also Order a Section 7. You will then go back for Directions, where the Judge might try to get a deal sorted out. If you do not agree on anything in Statements/Reports, you can then ask for them to be put down for a "finding of fact" hearing.  It will then go to a Final Hearing if not resolved.

If any shared care order is made, then it will be hard for them to force a sale of the house via court, until the youngest child leaves full time education.
If an application is made to force a sale before the Child Arrangements is sorted, you need to make the court aware. If an order still happens, you can apply to stay it if you get shared care or residency.

Hi Mark, 

A rather worrying update, after a lot of talks and texts with my ex wife, almost blackmailing me on easy access with if i did not name the other party in an adultery petition, decided not to do this, and i guess surprisingly the offers were not forthcoming. I have alot of this discussion on text messages as well. after that she started to talk about a fast sale of our home, again with the promise of shared parenting, this time i wanted our solicitors to draw this agreement up, but that was not going to happen. 
Now with the divorce just started, with unamed person, and no agreement on house have received a letter from her solicitor, with a photo of a very bruised elbow, saying this is what ive done........  Also the sporadic meetings with our boys, she was always present and that has been quoted that this was her way of saying this was supervised access, and she says this should continue.

She has been around our home a lot of times collecting her clothes and some for our boys, now wants to have free access to home, to collect as much boys things as she could, ive never said that she cant come round but because of the trust, well there isnt any.. waiting for a police office to bring her round now..#

Will keep you updated

All the phone will prove is she has a bruised elbow. For the Police to become involved, she would need to prove to them you caused it. If she brings this up as part of a Child Arrangements process, you can have it set down for a "finding of fact", and she would have to prove that you caused it.

The children have a right to see both parents, and the point you will have to make to the court is you want contact with your children, NOT your ex.

If the house is not her Primary Residence, she has not right to free access. You do have to let her in to collect her belongings and that of the children if they no longer live their, but you can make it by appointment. Given her claims, I would advise you to have either the Police or at least another 3rd party present when she comes round.
Posts made by me are my opinion and any factual information should be checked out. If you do not have a Solicitor, often your local CAB can get you some initial advice.
Reply
#5
Hi Mark,

Since the blatant lie about how she got the bruise on her elbow, now all communication has stopped, because now she feels scared, she's constantly telling our boys about how I kept hitting her for a period of time, even with all the meetings we've had, how can she all of a sudden claim she's scared. I guess I know the answer to that, but as she was the only point of contact its been two weeks since ive seen my 7 year old and only see my 9 year old playing football..

Phil
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