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Mediation joint meeting
#1
Hi all. I'm new here.
Having made contact with the NFM back in June 17 I have now got a date for the 1st joint mediation meeting on the 11th December.. The NFM have proved to be unfit for purpose so far.
I've not seen my little boy since the 1st week in January after enduring 3 and half years of a nightmare which in the end landed me in hospital last September for an urgent triple bypass. Such was the high level of stress and strain caused by my ex.
Has anyone on here gone through a joint mediation meeting. I need to know what to expect and the format of the meeting.
Many thanks in advance.
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#2
Hey

Format can differ.. 1st session might be about setting some boundaries and broad objectives.
You may be in same room with mediator or mediator runs between rooms

Remember it is not counselling ... (your ex will think it is) . Dont react whne she slags you off as a waste of space... smile and talk about the kid
Have one or 2 objectives i.e.1. I want to have contact with my child and 2. I want that to be X nights a week

Be fair and reasonable
It will probably fail as mediation ... which is in your favour (do not be the one who makes it fail) then you can go to court and will get access (assumptions made etc)
"Being a good father, for its own sake, does not require your ex to see it or agree"
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#3
(12-01-2017, 01:08 PM)LTCDAD Wrote: Hey

Format can differ.. 1st session might be about setting some boundaries and broad objectives.
You may be in same room with mediator or mediator runs between rooms

Remember it is not counselling ... (your ex will think it is) . Dont react whne she slags you off as a waste of space... smile and talk about the kid
Have one or 2 objectives i.e.1.  I want to have contact with my child and 2. I want that to be X nights a  week

Be fair and reasonable
It will probably fail as mediation ... which is in your favour (do not be the one who makes it fail) then you can go to court and will get access (assumptions made etc)

I can tell you about my experience although my situation is quite different and involves finances.

In mediation, no matter what happens, stay calm and don't raise your voice.  If she starts talking crap, let her continue.  If you feel the need to correct/challenge her, ask the mediator for a private word, tell him what you wish to say/correct and he'll guide you.

My ex played the "mother card" very well with on-demand tears; distorted everything as if it was a parallel universe.  Halfway through the session, I had a private word with the mediator and he allowed me to challenge her.  I remained calm, challenged her, and soon the mediator realised that she had a game plan.  To my delight, at least twice, the mediator challenged her to explain her position/accusations and she quickly backtracked.

Be patient, polite, and don't take anything personally.
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#4
I've got joint mediation coming up this Monday.

I'm crapping myself!

Will report back on my experience etc.
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#5
Don't worry ... remain calm and focus on the kids.

In mine the ex cried for most of it.... mixed up her lies... couldn't answer simple questions... then panicked and accused me of child neglect... i asked the mediator to to stop the session and call the police as if child neglect had taken place i needed to be arrested and a social services case file opened (after all they are my kids and if someone is neglecting them I want them charged ... including me)

The ex ... squirmed and sweated as she tried to explain her definition of neglect was 'giving children ice cream'... she looked a fool and everyone looked baffled as she said ' but it could be classed as neglect unless its expensive ice cream'... seriously at this point i think i'm appearing in a sit-com... im looking for cameras waiting for Jeremy Beagle to jump out dressed as a social worker

Can look back now and think WTF but its a bit scary at the time so good luck.. you got this !
"Being a good father, for its own sake, does not require your ex to see it or agree"
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#6
(12-01-2017, 03:25 PM)AKentishMan Wrote: I've got joint mediation coming up this Monday.

I'm crapping myself!

Will report back on my experience etc.

Yeah me too,,,lets make sure we both have successful ones.

Good luck
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#7
I am really sorry about your illness and stress. The mediation appointment is outrageous - you applied in January and got an appointment in December! I googled a local mediator, asked for an urgent appointment and had one the next day. Actually I phoned two mediators and took the first appointment available. I have since learned there are a couple of mediation professional bodies, not just the NFM. And that mediators can have different backgrounds - some counsellors, some former Solicitors. And some mediators are Solicitors as well and know exactly what's what legally. My upcoming mediation is going to be with a Solicitor Mediator. I hated the other mediator I saw - it just frustrated me. I don't need the situation analysing when I'm being accused of abuse thank you! I would write a formal complaint to the NFM. I'd even be tempted to sue them but you've probably got enough on your plate. I hope you get to see your little boy soon. You'll probably need to go to court.
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