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How do I deal with game playing?
#1
My wife and I have been married for over 12 years. 6 months ago, I left as I was deeply unhappy and our marriage was a mess.

We have 2 boys aged 10 and 8. We have no formal agreements in place yet but I am suppoed to see them every Wednesday and every other weekend.

She has become very bitter and angry. She bombards me with vicious texts all day and night, then accuses my responses of being angry! The boys appear fine. In fact, my relationship with them has improved a lot. I do appreciate that they miss me at times and probably get a bit upset and frustrated at times. I would be naive not to think that and have experienced my own parents break up.

Recently, she has started claiming that the boys are suffering trauma and stress although they show no signs of this. They appear happy. Their teachers have said there has been no change at school and both continue to do well. They attend an array of clubs etc. and none of the responsible adults have any concerns.

She has always wanted to get back at me for leaving and has now contacted the school asking that they provide additional support. She is also insisting she is going to book them appointments to see their doctor due to stress? I am firmly of the belief this is only so that at some time in the future, when things are taking a formal route, she can claim 'she has had to seek support for them'. It is nothing more than points scoring and game playing.

She constantly criticises me in front of them. She is always changing her mind and issuing threats about stopping me seeing them, stopping them going on holiday, stopping them from seeing my family etc.

I have a nice, comfortbale 2 bed flat and pay her enough to continue living in our old house which is vast. She has the kids far more than me. I've offered to have them more often if it's too much for her yet she has refused.

What can I do? She is driving me mad. I so wanted an amicable relationship but she is hell bent on revenge and making my life as difficult, awkward and distressing as possible. She is vile and spiteful and I feel terribly sorry for the boys. I never talk about her in a bad way, i even still go out with them and buy her birthday and xmas presents so that they can see im trying.

I am at the end of my tether. Can anyone please tell me what I can do or where I stand? she refuses to sign a seperation agreement. she refuses mediation. she just wants more money, and to get back at me in the most hurtful way possible which is through using the kids.
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#2
That's tough Jamie. Sorry to say it bro but legal route might be the only way. She won't sign agreement and won't do mediation. Unnecessary money spent and a whole lot of extra stress because of her revenge games. Look I'm not the best one to talk to about this as I'm new to this and don't have the facts to help...I have seen many posts on here like this. Have a good look around older posts they might give you an idea about what to do and where you stand. Good luck bro
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#3
I am getting all of what you are getting above and I already been to court. Most of the time it just never stops. All I can advise is . don't play her games, if she texts u and its not about kids don't text back. remain calm and don't react to anything. contact a mediator today and if she refuses fill in a c100 and take her to court. you are lucky that your children are older than mine and your oldest one I believe gets a say in matters as well. keep doing what you are doing and always be nice about your ex in front of your children you will be fine. they will soon spot whos unreasonable and spiteful.
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#4
You don't have to deal with her games mate... your kids do!

A friend told me that when his parents split up, his dad never said anything bad about his mum but his mum was bitter and tried to alienate him from the father.... he only saw it when he was older but he saw it and respects his dad more than his mum for their actions

The stress thing with the kids will be for future action by her... be aware of this. Your kids are sponges and will absorb everything so they will not be 'un-impacted' but keep a record of what she does and says... do not go back to her with every detail but in a couple of weeks tell her you notice the behavior and ask her how she thinks it impacts the kids...

She is brave to seek help from a Dr... if the kids are seen alone or by a professional they will say that dad is cool and mum always hating on dad .... that will backfire
"Being a good father, for its own sake, does not require your ex to see it or agree"
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#5
My advice?

Firstly - get a court order. Get CAFCASS involved and get some enforceable contact arranged. I'm coming from a very similar situation to you, and this is the route I'm taking. It's not going to be cheap (I've been quoted £5.5k), but in my opinion it's a small price for your sanity.

Secondly - keep calm. She's trying to push your buttons to make you react. If your ex is like mine, she'll be trying to use this as evidence to strengthen her belief that you're a bad Dad. Instead turn this against her by not responding to her. This is unbelievably hard - my girlfriend has on more than one occasion had to take my phone away from me. But it's worthwhile as she can't use anything you say as ammunition against you - either to her Solicitor or to your kids.

When she barks, don't bite.
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#6
i agree with above, it don't need to cost 5.5 k as u can represent yourself , obtain advice on here. look things up on websites etc. I am enforcing a court order next week myself. My ex is doing the above
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#7
(12-09-2017, 12:51 PM)warwickshire1 Wrote: i agree with above, it don't need to cost 5.5 k as u can represent yourself , obtain advice on here. look things up on websites etc. I am enforcing a court order next week myself. My ex is doing the above

Game playing bonanza here this week.  Nasty stuff.  Get a court application in.  I have to put up with the game playing another 3 months until final hearing.  And probably beyond but at least then it will be defined enforceable game playing hopefully!
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